Trading Places
by ct320
Summary: Katniss is taken by the Capitol at the end of Catching Fire. Peeta is forced to become the Mockingjay. Drama ensues...dun dun DUN!
1. Waking Up

**This is my take on what would have happened if Peeta would have been taken to District 13 instead of Katniss. Hope you enjoy and please, please REVIEW! I don't own anything.**

**Katniss' POV**

_My eyes strain to capture one last image of beauty to take with me. Right before the explosions begin, I find a star._

Sparks fly and I decide to close my eyes, holding into the star for as long as I can. Another blast hits, closer this time and I fade to black.

The next time I wake up a bright light is shining on my face. Is this it? After life? I could only hope. Reality is much, much crueler.

I find myself strapped to a rigid metal table, the steel cool against my naked back. Doctors in white uniforms poke and cut me. Are they saving my life? Did the Capitol fall? Are we all safe? Just then I am hit with the familiar smell of roses, making my gut wretch.

"_Not him,"_ I think. My hopes are futile. Snow is just here to finish the job. His snakelike eyes bore into mine, the bright operating light giving him a haunting glow.

"Oh, Miss Everdeen. You and I are going to have some fun!" he hisses prodding the wound on my arm. Johanna would sneer at my pain.

I force myself not to let out a groan despite the searing pain. I feel the unmistakable gush of blood and feel woozy.

"President Snow, sir. She has lost too much blood. If you want her alive we are going to have to ask you to leave." The doctor's voice was strained and anxious.

Snow only smiled wider revealing his menacing teeth. "Very well, then. We will be seeing each other very soon," he said moving towards the door. "Oh, but one more thing dearest Katniss. I have received news that our attack on District 12 was _very _successful."

_No! No Prim. Gale. Madge. My mother. Peeta… did he die in the arena?_

"Not one single survivor."

The wrath overcomes me and I begin to thrash violently. A cold needle is roughly jabbed into my throat and the world once again becomes black. This time I have no beauty to hold onto. All that is left is the painful reality.

**Peeta's POV **

I shoot up in my bed. Sweat dripping out of every pore. "Katniss," I whisper looking around the foreign room. Next to me a monitor beeps, signaling the beating of another heart. My heart swells as I look around the dark room, only to see that the other occupant is Beetee.

I stop and try to collect my thoughts. I remember running through the rainforest, desperately trying to find Katniss. She had been screaming my name, but I was tackled into a bush.

Finnick covered my mouth with one hand, struggling to keep me on the ground. Instincts kicked in and I elbowed him in the jaw. Before he could get a chance to defend himself, I flung his body off mine and reached for my knife.

Before I had a chance to wrap my fingers around the grip, Finnick had reached for his trident and clubbed me over the head. "Sorry, Peeta. This is for your own good."

I awoke a few moments later to the sound of explosions. I ran as quickly as my legs could carry me to the last place I heard Katniss' screams. I ran into a clearing just as another crash knocked me to the ground. I barely made out the feeling of being dragged through the forest, then pulled above into the sky.

**So I know this story has been done a bunch of times, but I always wondered what would have happened if Peeta would have been made the Mockingjay. I figured I would do my own take on it and see where it does from there. I'll update ASAP.**


	2. Explanations & Cold Cells

**This chapter is going to be mostly Peeta becoming orientated with District 13 with some Katniss sprinkled here and there. Please read and review! I would love some positive feedback! Enjoy!**

**Peeta's POV**

I'm trying desperately to remember what happened when a knock on the door pulls me from my reverie. Standing in all his semi-sober glory, is Haymitch.

"What's going on? Where are we? Where is Katniss?" the words come out in a hoarse jumble. I feel the need to add _how long have I been out?_

Haymitch takes a seat next to my hospital bed, his eyes refusing to meet mine. "Listen, kid. I've never been much with kind words so let me lay it out for you. We are on our way to District 13. Katniss destroyed the arena just in time for us to make the rescue." I let the words settle in. We were free of the arena, but there had to be more. Haymitch stared at me, his eyes pained. "We couldn't save all of you…"

And there it is. The words I had been dreading since the first games. _She's gone. _My hands clench into fists. The logical part of me says to wait until Haymitch finishes his explanation, but a stronger part of me is filled with rage. I fought the urge to fling the nearest object towards a wall. _There has to be more._

I will the words to come, but Peeta Mellark has lost his eloquence. "Is she…"

Haymitch shakes his head. "We don't think so. The last thing the rebels need is a martyr, Snow should be smart enough to keep her around." Great, she's with Snow.

"You and I both know it's worse for her if she lives," I say through gritted teeth. I look up to see Haymitch's eyes filled with defeat. He nods tightly and for a moment I think he is crying. He feels bad and for once, I don't feel the need to comfort anyone. "You and I we had a deal," I hiss.

"No son, we all had a deal. This time you just drew the short straw."

Of course, Haymitch had tricked Katniss and I. We both thought the other would survive. "When do we go back to get her?" I ask quickly. We know the problem, where is the solution.

"It's not that simple. Panem is at war, we are moving to District 13 to devise a plan. Then we go from there," says Haymitch, his rough and tumble tone returning.

"District 13? How is that possible?"

He lets out a deep laugh. "You never were as quick to catch on as Katniss. There_ is_ a District 13 and we are going there now."

I ignore the comment and ask the more obvious question. "Why District 13, why not 12?"

Haymitch freezes and pulls a flask from his coat pocket. Whatever comes next, I know it's going to be bad. He takes one quick swig before throwing the words out onto the floor. "There is no District 12."

My mind wraps itself around the concept, trying to absorb every last drop of meaning out of the words. My home, the bakery, my family… "Did anyone make it out? My family?"

I am met with a cold answer. "You're family didn't make it Peeta, I'm sorry."

I feel as if something is stuffed down my windpipe. My heart kicks into overdrive and tears prickles the back of my eyes. I make it to a waste basked just in time to empty the contents of my stomach. After the initial pain comes the rage. Within seconds I've destroyed the hospital room, shoving the nurses and doctors off me. Finally, a set of dark seam hands hold me down as a needle is plunged into my arm.

"I'm sorry, " says Gale as he pins my arms down to my sides. _Sure he is._

**Katniss POV- A few weeks later…**

I have no concept of time in this place. All I know is one of these days Snow will be coming into my cell and I will have no hope left.

I can only assume I have been in this place for a few weeks, maybe three, since the arena. Before that I don't remember how long we had been in that tropical hell hole.

Johanna and I tried desperately to figure it out for the first few days. She is in the cell next to mine and I could not be more grateful. I never really enjoyed her company, but in this place it's nice not to feel so alone.

"Johanna?" I croak. The night before was filled with terrors I could not shake. I wondered if they put anything in my food, or if it's just the memories, because since I've gotten here my nightmares have grown impossibly darker than before. My head is lying on the cold concrete floor, facing the bars.

"What do you want, Sparky?" Her tone isn't harsh. I don't think either of us wants to show any emotion. Being void of feelings is better than having hope.

"When do you think they are going to get this over with?" The question had been driving me mad for ages. _Why not just execute me now?_

Johanna laughs, breaking our silent promise not to feel human. "You aren't the smartest are you Katniss. They're not going to make this convenient," She says, her voice closer than before. "They are going to drag this on as long as possible."

"Of course they are."

Snow has much more sinister plans in mind. This isn't a time for simple, precise execution. A promise of vengeance lingers on his lips.

I allow myself to think of happier things. Prim's laugh. Gale's arrogance. Peeta.

Now that everyone is gone, I seem to have a stronger appreciation. My grief for Prim, my mother, Gale and everyone from District 12 is devastating. But, my feelings towards Peeta are an entire different story.

Of course I would realize how much I loved him, after being thrown into a place that reeked of imminent torture. I've had a lot of time to think since I've been here and as much as I've tried to avoid it Peeta is one of the main contenders occupying my mind.

I think back to the day before the interviews. I tried to escape to that night on the rough as much as possible. Then there were the moments in the arena: Peeta's heart stopping, the kisses on the beach, why hadn't I noticed it before?

It takes a dark hand appearing from the corner of the bars to appear, before I realize I am crying. The space between the cells only allows me to touch my fingertips to Johanna's but it is enough.

The silence is broken by small sniffs and snivels, which I gladly share with Johanna. Our promises to remain stoic, long forgotten.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. "For causing all of this."

Johanna squeezes my pinky. "I'm glad you did."

I smile, at least some good may come out of this. Things can't get any worse anyway.

"I just wish you weren't so brainless, maybe I would have gotten better company in this hell hole."

I laugh lightly and let myself be carried away into a wonderful dream. Peeta and I were on the roof top of the training center. Just as the sun is setting, Prim, my mother, father and Gale make an appearance and we all take turns throwing things at the force field.


	3. Come Back to Me

**This chapter is mostly about Peeta visiting District 12 and Katniss' interview with Caesar. Someone asked whether I was planning on having Katniss' mind hijacked, yes I do. Essentially, I plan to stick to the Mocking jay plot, that is until they make it the Capitol. It gets kind of tricky from there. Thanks for all of the lovely reviews! The more reviews I receive, the more likely I am to update quickly. Thanks for all of your support!**

**Peeta's POV**

I'm sitting on the crumbled steps that once led faithful customers into my family's bakery. Gale is wandering around town, gathering any belongings still intact to take to District 13. It's heart-wrenching walking around the foundations of my once bustling home. I walk to where I can determine the back entrance would be. My brothers and I used to walk in after school, laughing at one thing or another, and then quieting down when my mother came in. My throat tightens with the thought of my family.

"_They're all gone,"_ I think. _"No point in dwelling."_

Of course, it is one thing to tell yourself to do something, to do it is another thing entirely. A few tears escape my heavy lidded eyes. I miss all of them, my two brothers, my kind father, even my mother. I hate to think that people assumed my mother was some horrid person. Sure, she hated the Seam and didn't hesitate to hit her children, but she had her reasons. She had grown up in one of the poorest homes at the end of the Seam, not too far from Katniss' old home. Her mother died giving birth to her brother, and her father abused her to ease the pain. That would make anyone hate the world.

I try to think back to the final conversation I had with my dad, but I can't seem to remember. This saddens me even more than this crumbling home, or the fact that I no longer have a family. I just wish I could hold onto every single memory.

I hear a crash from behind me. The instincts ebbed in me from two Hunger Games kick in. I grab the largest rock near me and raise it, ready for attack.

"Hey, settle down. It's just me," says Gale in a brusque tone. His eyes look sincere, and I nod and let go of my makeshift weapon.

"Sorry, I'm still a little skittish," I mumble. My time here is up. I can't look at this place anymore. I need to visit one more place, then we can go.

Gale nods and hands me a bag of things. "I found these, in the rubble near the storage shed. I figured…"

I open the burlap sack to find dozens of baking tools. Cake pans, whisks, and spatulas, clink together as I shift around. I don't know where Gale and I stand at this point. The truth is I never hated him; I just hated the fact that Katniss loved him over me. If this made us enemies, then so be it, but right now I needed friends, allies, not enemies. I give him a curt nod, conveying in my brief glance that I was grateful. Men aren't much talkers and I wasn't about to give Hawthorne a hug, but I was happy to have something to cherish.

"I want to go to Katniss' house in Victors Village. Maybe we can salvage something for her for when she comes back," I said, putting emphasis on the _when_. Gale knew as much as I, that Coin was stalling on the rescue mission. According to her there weren't enough resources, but I knew that wasn't true. My first few weeks at District 13 I spent walking around the maze of corridors, mapping the place from inside out. I even went so far as sketching it out on a pad of paper and keeping it under my pillow. I didn't know if this would ever come in handy, but I had an eerie feeling it would.

During these trips I discovered storage room, upon storage room filled with weaponry. I even found a hangar with several hovercrafts. Coin was lying. I just had to find out why.

Gale's eyes shone with desperation, before he nodded and began the trek to the untouched houses in Victors Village.

I didn't bother going to my house, it had never been a home anyway. All I had left were a few paintings of memories I wished to forget.

Gale and I enter the Everdeen home and are greeted by a very anxious Buttercup. "This damn cat never dies," laughed Gale, trying to grab Buttercup, who hissed at his attempts.

I couldn't help but smile at his resiliency. Just like his owners, he had fought to stay alive. I could only hope Katniss wouldn't give up hope either. I coaxed Buttercup into my arms with soft words and earned a glare from Gale. He probably wished he would be the hero. I imagine the look on Prim's face when we give him back to her.

"Here you take him," I say, trying to ease the tension. "I'll grab a few things." Gale's eyes narrow, but he agrees and throws Buttercup into another canvas sack. I laugh and walk down the hall. By the end of our perusing we found a few pictures, Katniss' hunting gear and the plant book. As Gale was searching Prim's room, I opened the door to Katniss'. I took a moment to let my mind wander back to those days where she would talk and I would draw. Katniss would watch as I sketched out the medical plants, looking away when I caught her in the act. I grabbed her pillow and pressed it to my face, taking in her scent. When I pull back my eyes were full of tears. I wish I knew if she was safe.

_She isn't safe, she's with Snow._ I crushed the pillow into my bag along with a few pieces of clothing that still smelled like her. Gale came in, not noticing my actions.

"Ready?" he asked tapping on the communicuff he had received within my first week at 13. "They want us out before twilight."

I searched my mind to see if there was anything else I needed. "I need to grab something from my house, but I think we are all set."

Gale looked at me strangely, but motioned for me to get on with it. I knew exactly where I would find what I wanted. Sitting in my desk drawer was a notebook filled with sketches of Katniss. I used to hide it under the floorboards of my bed above the bakery. It contained drawings from before we were reaped, which I am embarrassed to say I spent hours working on. I prayed that no one would find them and realize how my liking had turned into obsession, but thankfully no one did. Other pictures were crammed in there after our return from the games.

Gale hadn't followed me into my house, sensing that it was a private moment, so I met him in the large lawn. The hovercraft was waiting for us and we lightly climbed up the ladder and began out trip back to 13. I thought how nice it had been that Gale had collected my parents' belongings and decided to offer an olive branch. I pulled out one of my sketches of Katniss, one where she was out in the forest of the first Hunger Games, and handed it to Gale.

He looked at me quizzically, but then looked down at the image in front of him. His eyes relaxed and for a moment I thought he was about to cry. Then they filled with anger. Was it because I had sketched her, because it was from the games?

"We need to get her back, Peeta," he said fiercely. "I don't care that she loves you. I just want her back, safe."

Gale's words both empowered me and confused me. "She doesn't love me Gale; I know how she feels about you. It's just an act with me."

Gale shook his head. "Don't be so sure Peeta. The way she kissed you in the Quell says it all. I'm not happy about it, but I'll deal. I'll take her love no matter which way it comes. And if that means being a brother or hunting partner, whatever, I'll take it."

I try not to think of all the things he is saying. I had long ago decided I would not let my hopes up with Katniss. Even during the Quell, that day on the roof and the kiss on the beach, I hadn't let myself hope it was real. After all, my plan was to die there. But when I gave her the locket and the pearl and she reacted so strangely, I thought maybe it was real to her. Of course, back then I ignored it, but now…

I looked down at my shoes. I wanted to say something to Gale, but what could I say. _Sorry, man. I really hope you are right._

"Let's just get her back, then we can figure all this stuff out," I say after what seems like hours. "Hold onto that though. It might make things better."

Gale folds the picture up and puts it in his breast pocket. "Thanks," he mutters looking down at his hands.

I don't know if this is a sign of friendship. All I know is at this point, Gale and I are among the few who wish to save Katniss. We need to stick together.

"You're welcome."

**Katniss POV**

Things have been strange for the last few days. I've been brought large meals and even a bed to sleep on. At first I refused to eat, but finally agreed when they promised Johanna could eat along with me. We had these quiet meals three times a day, surrounded by guards. The meals are meager in comparison to the artisan food we were given before the games, but at this point anything looks delicious. I wouldn't want the elegant meals any way, they reminded me more of why I hated the Capitol. For the first meal, neither of us exchange or word, or glance for that matter. We simply stared at our food and hoped it had not been poisoned.

By the second time, Johanna's words promising that my death would be drawn out, gave me the confidence to dig in. At least if I died now, I would have a full stomach. By the third day Johanna grew a pair and decided to talk.

"So filling us out, life lambs for the slaughter?" she asked one of the Peacekeepers who had been assigned to baby sit us.

He simply looked at the wall ahead of us and tightened his jaw. I smiled at Johanna's mocking and decided to talk too. Death is breathing down our necks, why not coax them to speed it up. "Maybe they will give us full body polishes too. Wouldn't want us to look anything but fantastic for the Capitol right?" I snickered.

Johanna gave me a look of admiration and on we went chattering about the strange behavior. BY the end of the week we were both gaining a few extra pounds and were confidently exchanging stores in front of the guards. On one occasion Johanna even flung a spoonful of apple tart at a Peacekeeper, who didn't even flinch.

I laughed, but quickly apologized to the man and wiped the tart off of his clothing. "We're going to hell either way, but let's keep some morals," I said looking into the man's eyes. They were blue, not at beautiful as Peeta's, but blue nonetheless. "It's not his fault he got stuck with us. He's just another tool of the Capitol."

I don't know why I say this, but it feels right. The man's eyebrows furrow and he looks confused. This is the first sign of emotion we have ever seen from one of them and both Johanna and I look shocked. After that she nods and decides to focus on her meal.

Johanna and I have developed at different relationship than the one we shared in the Quell. We have bonded together in this awful place, trying to make light of this horrible situation. Sometimes are conversations are funny, like those shared between school girls. Other times they are deep and filled with tears. She tells me about her family, her parents and older brother. Who would have known that Johanna came from a loving and at times gushy family.

When she won the Hunger Games she thought their worries were over, but it was a whole other story Snow wanted to sell her, just like she claims he sold Finnick. When she returned to the Capitol on her Victory Tour, she was thrown into a room with a wealthy politician who had acquired a crush on her. At the time she was fifteen, still a virgin. I laughed when she told me how shocked the man looked when she kneed him in the groin and kicked him in the stomach for good measure. When she came home her brother was dead. She was told it had been a logging accident, crushed by a tree. Johanna said that when she went into his room a single rose was lying on his dresser, along with a message from Snow. _You either do as I say, or people will die_. She didn't tell her parents, in fear that they would try to talk to Snow. Instead she returned to the Capitol during the next wave of Games with the intent of fulfilling Snow's wishes. When the time came for her to perform she snapped. Apparently, the customer had pinned her against the wall and gagged her. Her training took over and before she knew it she was attacking him.

This time Snow had her parents murdered in her own home and blamed it on a local homeless man. From then on Johanna made sure to stay away from anyone and everyone. She could not afford to give Snow something to use against her.

"Snow can't use anything against me anymore," I whispered to her one night when I couldn't sleep.

I heard her mattress creek then a drawn out sigh. "You're right. Your family is gone and Peeta is safe." It was true, he couldn't hurt me anymore, at least not psychologically. "But it isn't you he is trying to hurt. It's Peeta."

Johanna was right. I had transformed from the victim to the weapon.

That night I dreamt of Peeta and what his future may hold. I imagined that he would one day get over me and hopefully, after this war, find a woman that could give him all the love I didn't when I had the chance. I wanted him to be happy and realistically I would not be there to share it with him. The last thing I remember is Peeta kissing a pair of lips that were not mine, a smile on his face.

That's the best I could hope for.

Finally, after a week of wondering where this change of heart had come from, we got our answers. Snow himself came into my cell, people I recognized as Peeta's prep team in tow.

"Miss Everdeen, Miss Mason," he nodded in greeting. President Snow, ever the gentleman. "I hate to interrupt this soiree, but Miss Everdeen's services are needed."

Instantly, I think that I have been sold to spend the night with a high paying Capitol customer. Johanna's eyes me and gives my hand a reassuring squeeze. I will just have to find a way to end my life before any sick person can touch me. Maybe I can distract them long enough to hang myself with sheets, or slit my wrists.

"What kind of services?" asks Johanna coolly. It's as if she and I had not just shared the same thoughts.

"Fret not, Miss Mason. She has an interview with Mr. Flickerman." Snow exchanges a few words with the prep team, and they immediately begin to shuffle around me.

Then two Peacekeepers come in, I assume to return Johanna to her cell. Instead one of them grabs her by the hair, while the other pins her arms behind her back.

The prep team goes silent and I let out a scream.

"Let her go!" I say attempting to claw my way out of the grasp of another Peacekeeper, who had magically appeared at my side.

Snow smiled devilishly and pulled out a bizarre looking tool. "Hush, hush. I just wanted to give you a preview as so what will happen if you do not behave today." He raises the strange tool to Johanna's face and presses a green button. A small blade, like a rotary saw, begins to buzz as Snow raises it towards Johanna's left eye.

She shifts wildly, but the blade continues to move closer. "Fine! I promise to behave!" I screech. "Just let her go!"

Snow clicks the tool off and looks at me, his snake like eyes searching mine for the truth. "Agreed, Miss Everdeen. Don't think I will hesitate if you do not comply."

He briskly walks out of the cell and Johanna is escorted back to hers. I sigh in relief, but only one thing crosses my mind. We were wrong. Snow does have something on me: Johanna. The guards must have relayed to him how close we were getting. Our need to cope gave him another weapon.

Three hours later I find myself primed and polished. I'm sitting in Caesar's posh chair, watching as the screens countdown to one. I try to remember the words on the queue cards I was given, but they slip my mind. I think to how easy Peeta was with words and how I could use his help right now. _That would mean he would be here with me, and that's the last thing I want._ Instead, I focus on the questions , answering to the best of my ability.

"Katniss, it's so good to see you," says Caesar solemnly.

"Hello Caesar, I never thought I would see you again," I say trying to convey the pain of a girl who had been used by the rebels.

Caesar puts a hand over mine and squeezes. "You are quite right Katniss, you had us all worried out there. Please, tell us what happened in your final moments in the arena. Why did you shoot the arrow?"

This would be the hardest question to answer. The truth was, I did it because I realized who the enemy _really_ was. However, this answer did not go along with Snow's plans. "The final moments were hectic, Caesar. I was tired, hungry, scared. Peeta and I were just trying to hold on as long as possible, making the last moments count. Then Beetee comes up with this plan and we are separated." I stop and sniff, wiping a real tear from my eye. I replayed these final moments so much. They plagued me every night.

"I was just trying to find a way to signal Peeta, to let him know where to find me. I figured if he saw the arrow in the sky when the lighting struck, he could make his way back to me." Caesar grips my hand tighter.

"You poor thing," he says in a sweet hush. "So you didn't know of the plan? The plan to escape?"

"No! Of course I didn't. Neither did Peeta!" My voice is becoming more frustrated as the questions wear on. "We were just trying to find each other and be a family for whatever time we had left."

Caesar's eyes light up in horror. "What about your child Katniss? Are you in good health?"

Snow had run tests the moment I was brought back from the arena. He knew I wasn't pregnant, but this gave the Capitol another way to villianize the rebels. I let out a few tears and a sob. "The baby…it didn't make it."

Again Caesar lets out a gasp and brings me into a hug. I sob a few more times into his shoulder, but not about our fictional child, but because I wish it was Peeta that was holding me.

"There there Katniss," he says leaning back into his chair. "If you could say anything to the rebels right now, and to Peeta, what would you say?"

I sigh and look straight into the camera, my eyes still filled with tears. "We need to stop fighting against one another. Peeta, please come to your senses and come back to me. Look around you and ask yourself if this is the right thing? Can you trust those around you?" I can't remember if I covered everything on the queue cards, but I decide to last one final message. One for just us.

I wipe the tears from my eyes and clear my throat. "Stay with me Peeta, I love you."

I nod to Caesar and he signs off. He gives my shoulder another reassuring squeeze then I'm escorted off the stage. I wonder if he knows I have days left to live, but mostly I wonder if Peeta will see the interview. I hope he sees the truth in my eyes when I said I loved him.

**Peeta's POV**

After the Panem symbol return to the screen the room bursts into frenzy. I'm still shocked and staring at the screen. I've got a huge smile plastered on my face. Katniss is safe. She looked healthy as ever, even if she was crying the whole time. Then there are the last words she said. _I love you_. I had always been able to read Katniss, and though she has uttered those words several times, this was the first time she truly meant them.

I allowed myself to enjoy the moment, but then formulated a plan. This moment of peace is only temporary. Snow is going to hurt her, I just need to make sure we get there before that happens.

**So that's it hope you guys liked it! I have a couple of disclaimers:**

**I realize most people have this idea that Gale and Peeta are mortal enemies, but since Catching Fire (Gale talks about how it would be easier to hate Peeta if he wasn't so nice...) I feel as if they could have been friends if they both weren't fighting for Katniss.**

**Also, Katniss' prep team was taken from the Capitol, when I assume Plutarch thought she would be returning. This is why I had Peeta's prep team make her up for the interview.**

**Lastly, I realize the whole apple tart-to-the-face thing is kind of weird with the Peacekeeper, but I figure it would be something Johanna would do. As far as Katniss being all YOLO with Johanna, she has lost EVERYTHING. The only thing she can dream about is Peeta, but she is too stubborn to let herself think that they will be reunited.**

**I also totally forgot to mention that I'm not too sure how much this "updating daily" is going to work. I'm a full time student, but I write these in between classes. Finals are right around the corner, as well as graduation so realistically, I might have to ease up on the publishing. Please R & R.!**

**_Cecilia.**

**P.S. Sorry for the super long explanations! I just wanted to clear some things up!**


	4. The New Mockingjay

**First off, I wanted to thanks EVERYONE for their amazing reviews! I have always felt self-conscious about my fictional writing, but you guys make me feel like a super star! This chapter will be entirely in Peeta's POV, but the next will be in Katniss'. Enjoy :].**

**Peeta's POV**

I want desperately to storm out of Command and sit alone with my thoughts, but that would be disruptive to my plan. I need to keep myself calm and figure out how to bargain for Katniss' life.

Katniss may not have directly called for a cease-fire, but right now she didn't look good in the eyes of the rebels. _What did they do to get her to comply?_ My stomach feels sick with the thought, but I have to focus on her physical appearance. She looked healthy and more importantly, alive.

I feel Gale watching me from across the room. I look up and motion for him to sit next to me. He seems hesitant, but finally makes his way to the empty seat next to me.

"What are you thinking, Mellark?" he asks in a deep voice. His eyes are on the cataclysmic chatter before us.

"I'll be the Mockingjay, in exchange for Katniss' and the others' rescue." They need a voice, and all of Panem knows I have one. I can be their Mockingjay. I can be the symbol of rebellion, but I need Katniss safe.

Gale seems to absorb this and hands me a piece of paper. "You are going to have to be very clear about what you want. Coin is a smart woman and she will bargain with all you've got."

He is right. I've seen enough of Coin to notice that she is a hard woman. There is no sympathy in her eyes when I ask about the rescue. Then there are the lies about resources. She cannot be trusted.

I jot down a few demands, looking at the ceiling to see if I am missing anything. I see Finnick sitting alone by the Command door. His hands are worn from tying knots. I add Annie Cresta to the list, along with Buttercup, who had been snuck into the Everdeen compartment and hidden ever since.

The look on Prim's face was worth the anxiety of getting caught.

I looked down at the scrap of paper and add the final words. They were not part of my original plan, but I wanted my revenge.

I push the paper towards Gale and his eyebrows rise at the last words. "Are you sure about that? You were never much of a killer."

"I didn't have a reason to kill then," I say strongly. "I do now. Too many."

He agrees with me and the conversation is over. I stand up and clear my throat. Coin is sitting in a grand chair at the end of the conference table, her eyes almost outraged at the interruption.

"I know everyone is busy with their gossip, but I have a proposition." My voice is steady and I make sure to look right at Coin.

Her lips twist into a strange smile and she nods for me to continue.

I stand and look around the table, ever the politician. "I'll be the Mockingjay. Put me in propos, make speeches, you can dress me up and tag me along," the room is silent. "But in exchange, I need a few things."

Plutarch smiles in anticipation.

"No need to keep us in suspense, soldier Mellark. Do go on," says Coin.

"Firstly, I want the Everdeen's pet cat to be allowed to stay in District 12." I hear Gale laugh next to me and I begin to wonder whether I should have started with something more dramatic.

The room is in an uproar. I turn to see Haymitch pinching the bridge of his nose. These people do not know how to prioritize.

After several minutes, Buttercup is given amnesty.

"What's next Peeta?" asks Coin, this time her tone is exasperated.

"I want you to pardon all of the tributes being held captive in the Capitol. Annie, Johanna, Katniss, everyone." Finnick's head perks up from his safe haven in the corner.

Coin is quick to respond. "No, they will be tried as war criminals. Their fate will be determined when we win this war."

"Why, because you failed to rescue them? It is not their fault your inadequacies left them in the arena." The room is silent, and I know everyone else is thinking the same thing. "Show some diplomacy, President Coin."

She glares at me from her seat. Katniss may have been a symbol, but I have a voice and I just proved it to everyone in this room.

We stared each other down for what seemed like hours, but then she nodded. "Very well then, but the rescue needs to be well planned. We cannot afford to lose any man power."

In other words, it will be on _her_ terms. At this time it's the best I can hope for.

"You are dismissed Soldier Mellark," she says waving me off like a child. "Plutarch will need to ready you for the propos."

"I'm not finished," I say steely. She looks back up at me, once again taken back by my boldness.

The room is tense, but I couldn't care less. "When the time comes, I kill Snow."

Coin smiles wickedly. "How about this, when the time comes, I'll flip you for it."

I nod slightly and walk out into the hall. Gale is at my side and I hear another sound of footsteps behind me. When I look back I see Finnick, still in his hospital gown.

His sea blue eyes meet mine and his brows furrow in concentration. "Thank you Peeta, for asking Coin to spare Annie." His voice is filled with respect, and I once again see the Finnick Odair from the arena.

"You saved me once; it's time I return the favor." I grip his hand in a firm handshake and watch as he walks off, the rope no longer twisting in his hands.

Gale seems to have watched the exchange and looks at me with a new found respect. "You don't waste any time."

"There isn't any time to waste. It's Katniss we are talking about here. Snow is keeping her alive for now, but I don't want to get too comfortable." I don't mention the fact that Snow could be doing much more damage mentally, rather than physically.

Plutarch exits Command, along with his team of assistants. "Peeta, I am so glad you agreed to help with the efforts. Let's get you ready for the cameras," he says throwing an arm around me and guiding me down the hall. "You are Katniss' cousin, Gale right?" he asks.

Gale tenses up at the false title.

"Gale isn't Katniss' cousin. He is her-" I pause to look at Gale, who is eyeing me carefully. "Gale is her close friend."

Plutarch looks confused, but shrugs it off. "Well, maybe we can use you in some of the propos. You have a stunning face."

Gale clearly feels uncomfortable and I watch as his mouth drops open. "No thanks," he mumbles. "I have to go to training. Good luck with everything Peeta."

I grin as he winds his way down the hall and out of sight.

Four hours later, I sit in a makeup chair surrounded by Katniss' prep team. We found them held captive in the deep caverns of District 13. Their conditions were inhumane, to say the least. The longer I stay here, the more I realize this form of government was just as oppressive as our current one. Plutarch explains to me that it's a form of Communism, a government used by our predecessors. I can see the appeal, but in the wrong hands this government is dangerous.

I look at myself in the mirror and all I can see is a plastic version of what a rebel soldier _should _look like. Dirt is strategically smudged across my face and fake blood decorates my clothing. To my horror, the crew even brings in a fog machine.

"This feels wrong," I say as Plutarch positions me and my gun. "This isn't what war looks like. This isn't a television special."

Plutarch seems insulted, but he yells action anyway. The results are a failure. I stand in the smoke, deliver the lines, and completely destroy any rebellion within a five mile radius.

Plutarch thinks it is his best work, Haymitch begs to disagree.

"This is horse crap!" his voice booms in command the next morning. "This isn't a boy at war. You might as well put him in a dress and have him sing!"

Gale and Finnick snicker at his remark, but Haymitch's words resonate within me. "You need to put me out there," I interrupt. "In the real battle. I can act, but I cannot perform miracles."

There is a pregnant pause before Coin speaks. "Send him to District 8. We aren't expecting any more attacks from the Capitol. There shouldn't be much harm in sending him into the war zone."

My chest rises in pride and I look to Haymitch. I can see that he is uneasy with my decision, but it's the best we've got

"Soldier Mellark, you and Hawthorne will be escorted to District 8. You are to follow Boggs' instructions and film only enough for the propos. The second you are finished you need to return to the hovercraft. Am I clear?"

"Yes," Gale and I answer in unison.

Coin gives us one of her devilish grins. "You may leave to prepare for your mission."

I immediately make my way to the Everdeen compartment, which is next to mine, and deliver the news to Prim and her mother.

Mrs. Everdeen seems tense about the situation, but she gives me a hug anyway. "Thank you so much Peeta, for pushing to rescue Katniss." I see the tears bubbling up in her eyes. "You have done so much to protect her even now."

I feel my chest constrict, but hold it together for their sake. In my mind, I have failed Katniss too many times. Prim holds my hand and squeezes as tears fall down her cheeks.

"You be careful Peeta," she sniffs. "We don't want to lose you either. You are family to us."

The word family finally does it and a tear escapes my eyes. "The feeling is mutual."

I get up and give Prim a kiss on the forehead and embrace Mrs. Everdeen one more time. "I'll check in with you as soon as we get back."

They both nod in agreement. I leave them in the care of a fitful Buttercup and a promise from Haymitch that no matter what happens, they will be safe.

The next morning Gale and I depart to District 8. He is armed with his new bow, especially issued to him by Beetee in the weapons department. I carry a heavy machine gun, along with a belt filled with sticky grenades and some knives. I feel a bit uneasy about holding such a large plethora of weapons, but Plutarch insists it looks better on camera.

Before boarding I had bumped into a half naked Odair, who complained about not being allowed to go on the mission.

I laugh at the sight and slap my head, feigning ignorance. "I forgot to mention, Beetee is designing a new trident for you. He says to meet him in the Weapons Department."

Finnick looks giddy and turns to walk away.

"Oh and Finnick!" I shout. "Maybe some pants."

Finnick flexes his muscles and strikes a ridiculous pose. "Please Mellark. The ladies love it when I strut around in my skivvies."

I burst into laughter. "Yeah, but we wouldn't want you to cause too much distress. The hospital is at max capacity, without all your lovesick admirers."

After a few hours we arrive at the cinders that are now considered District 8. We are met by a very robust Paylor and a hospital filled with wounded civilians.

Gale, Boggs, and I follow her around as she gives us a tour of the damage. Everywhere I look there are wounded children and dead parents. I know I should keep a blank façade, but I can't. I instinctively sit down and comfort those in need. I especially sympathize with the youngest patients, those who have lost everything.

The camera crew films me as I take the hand of a small girl who is very excited to see _the_ Peeta Mellark. "We thought you were all dead," she whispers, as if she will be punished for voicing her opinion. "Where is Katniss?"

Again emotion rushes into my stomach. "She is at the Capitol, we are meeting again very soon," I reassure her, although the sentence is partially directed at me.

"Is she okay?" she asks, her large eyes worried.

"She will be."

We leave the hospital after a gut wrenching hour. My mind is emotionally exhausted, but I don't dare show it. These people have been through hell, while I have been sitting cozily in District 13.

Suddenly, our earpieces come to life. "Peeta," says Haymitch. "There is an air raid coming at you guys. We can't land in time. You need to get to a bunker now!"

Boggs grabs the back of my uniform and tugs me down a stretch of alley, but it is too late. The bombs come out of nowhere. Gale and I slam our backs against a brick building and cover our heads. I pull on my helmet and raise my weapon to the incoming planes.

"Don't shoot!" yells Boggs, but he is interrupted by a loud boom only a few yards away from us. There is a ringing in my ears and my feet struggle to hold me upright. When I regain my senses I see the horror before me. The hospital is up in flames, the cries of the wounded filling the silence after the bombs.

"No!" I bellow running to the wreckage, but Gale pulls me back. "We can't help here, but let's find higher ground."

I look up to see a group of soldiers prepping for the next round of attacks. I start running to the ladder, ignoring Boggs' orders. Gale and I easily out run him and before I know it we are standing next to Paylor, our guns ready for the next attack. I spot an unmanned turret gunner and make a run for it, as I reach the handle I hear the roar of the next bombers closing in. I fling the barrel around so rapidly and reckless I feel a sharp rip below my shoulder blade; pain is of no concern right now. I'm panicking then I see the charging bolt and tear it back. The sound of the round entering the chamber was the last thing I heard before the blast.

Laying on the trigger, I feel the recoil move my entire body. I'm strong, but months of immobility have caused my muscles to weaken. I can't let go, not until I see them fall. Fire is shooting from the tip of the barrel. Smoke and empty shells obscure my view, that's when I see the first bomber drop. Bullets rip through the wing of the flying reaper as it plummets to the ground. I see one explode and realize Gale has found his mark. I don't dare let up on the trigger. These cowards will fall and burn before I see any more innocent die. Gale shouts and points to the next wave. I see his lips move, but the booms drown out his voice. I follow his line of sight and lock onto to the next wave. They appear and in a hail of gunfire, four drop within a few seconds. After that it's a blur.

The attack is over. I'm sweating, shaking, and panting. I turn to see Plutarch's camera crew shooting footage, and take in their faces. Their looks tell me that the turret gun wasn't the only thing screaming, I must have roared along with it.

I shake her hand and give Gale a slap on the back. He looks happy to have been a part of the effort, and I am too.

"Peeta is there anything you want to say to the Capitol?" asks one of the cameramen on my right.

I look at the wreckage of a bomber on the building adjacent to us. The Capitol emblem is visible through the blaze. That's when I deliver the line. "Do you see that? Fire is catching!"

I walk towards the camera and look fiercely into the blinking light. "And if we burn, you burn with us."

When we return to District 13, Gale and I are both taken to the medical ward. An anxious Mrs. Everdeen removes a piece of shrapnel from my calf and a few pieces of glass from my face. Before leaving the hospital room she rustles my hair and smiles.

Within a few hours, we are escorted to Command and watch the propo. It is a hit, but all I can think about is whether Katniss will be punished for our actions. Snow might think she knows about our planned propos. He will surely torture her to find out more.

I ask to be escorted back to my hospital room and settle in for the night. I make to turn off the television, but the seal of Panem appears. I am frozen as Katniss appears on screen. Her skin is pale and her cheek bones visible.

Her gray eyes hold no life as she answers Caesar's questions, barely looking up to meet the camera. Then she makes a personal plea to me.

"Think for yourself, Peeta. They've turned you into a weapon, the very thing you hate. If you've got any real influence, use it to put the brakes on this thing. Use it to stop the war, before it's too late." Then the seal returns and the announcement ends.

Finnick rushes into my room, but doesn't bother to ask if I've seen it. The look on my face must say it all. I ask him not to mention anything and he agrees.

This is where I find out who is truly there for me.

I go to sleep and dream about the last time I saw Katniss, in the arena. I'm running towards her voice when the boom pushes me back against a tree. I once again feel myself lifted up into the air, but when I come out of my stupor I am in the Capitol. Snow has me tied down, an array of knives displayed against a white wall. I wake up just as he is about to slice into my cheek, wishing I were there and Katniss were here.

**So that is it! Chapter 4! I actually have Chapter written, but I wanted to edit it a few times before posting it. You can expect it tomorrow. Also I only have one class tomorrow so I should be able to update again on Tuesday.**

**My lovely fiancé helped me out with this Chapter, because it involved a lot of action. He recently read all of the Hunger Games books and seems to be interested in writing a few fanfics about Finnick! I will post his pen name as soon as he decides to publish his works. Oh and last thing, I know the Finnick/Peeta moment before 8 is not as good as Suzanne Collins' version, but I had to add it in :P**

**Thanks again, and don't forget to give some constructive critiques! **

**_Cecilia**


	5. Voiceless

**So this chapter is super dark…and I LOVE it. I tried my hand at conveying the emotions- or lack there of- that Katniss would be feeling right now. Enjoy :]**

**Katniss' POV**

After filming the interview I was immediately escorted back to my cell. Johanna was safe inside of hers, clearly nervous for me.

"How did it go, brainless?"She asks over dinner that evening.

I smile at her nickname and try to ignore the guilt. Johanna will be used against me now. "It went well, or as well as it could have gone. I forgot all the words on my cue cards."

She snorts and jabs her elbow into the side of the blue eyed Peacekeeper. "I told you she would find a way to screw it up."

The Peacekeeper continues to gaze at the empty white wall before him. I fling some mashed potatoes at Johanna and we chatter.

Suddenly, the watches on all of the Peacekeepers go berserk. Something very bad must have happened, because the next thing we know Johanna and I are left alone.

Johanna freezes mid bite and looks around. "What the hell is all this about?" she yells down the hall. I get up and poke my head as far out of the bars as I can see. The white halls are empty.

_Why would they leave us so abruptly?_ I lean my head against the cool metal and try to think. There are only a few probable causes: a) the rebels have invaded the Capitol and we are about to be rescued, or b) someone really important has been captured. I can't fathom the thought of the latter.

"Peeta," I murmur so quietly, I'm surprised that Johanna heard me at all.

"Maybe," she says coldly. It isn't that she is deliberately being mean. Johanna is just telling the truth. She knows, just as well as I, if Snow has Peeta we are screwed.

I turn to face her and let my body sink to the floor. "Please, don't let it be Peeta," I say to no one in particular. I feel my eyes wet with tears, but wipe them off with my sleeve. There is no point in crying over something that may not have happened.

I gather my emotions and bottle them up. Johanna watches me as I walk over to the table and continue eating. "You okay?" she asks biting into a roll.

"Yeah, we just need to wait it out and see," my tone is indifferent, but my mind is going a million miles per hour. If they do have Peeta things will escalate quickly.

We are in my cell for forty minutes before the Peacekeepers return. Johanna and I hadn't spoken to each other the rest of the time. Snow appears, along with five men, his eyes raging with anger.

_Here we go._

The guard with the pretty blue eyes opens the door and the cell goes into complete chaos. I'm dragged into the hall kicking and screaming, while a scuffle breaks out behind me. Johanna and I had agreed long before, if we were going to be tortured we would go out trying.

"Let go of me you sick bastard!" bellows Johanna.

"Don't touch her!" I hiss.

Johanna must manage to get her arm loose, because I her one of the men yelp in pain. The unforgettable sound of fist colliding with flesh fills the room and the movement behind me stills.

"I did everything you asked me to do!" I yell, swinging my wrists like a rabid animal. "We had a deal Snow! You promised not to lie to me!"

Snow tells the Peacekeepers to halt and turn me around. I contemplate spitting in his venomous face, but decide it would help no one.

"There was an attempt to infiltrate the networks today, but I'm sure you already knew that, Miss Everdeen."

I'm slapped across the face by my own confusion. "What? What does that have to do with me? I don't know anything! And neither does she!" That was a lie, Johanna knew much more than I, but just barely.

Snow glares at me, his façade cracking for a split second. Then he nods to one of the men holding me back.

I try to flail out of their grip, but they are too strong. One of them has pinned my head into a hold using one arm, retraining my arms with another. I desperately bite the arm under my chin, clamping down as hard as I can. The taste of blood fills my mouth before a blow strikes my left temple.

I fade quickly into black.

When I wake I am in a bright, white room covered in tile. Three of the walls are decorated with an enormous two way mirror. The third wall holds a solitary metal door. I attempt to get up, but am constricted to a chair by tight leather straps. I wiggle fiercely to no avail.

I stop struggling once my head is pounding and the room is spinning. Looking around I take in only one other characteristic: a single drain in the center. I instantly heave up my dinner. There is only one reason they would need a drain in a room like this: to clean my blood off the floor.

I must have been there for hours, or it could have been minutes, but suddenly the door flies open. Two peacekeepers bring in a limp figure with a hood over its' head. From its' stature the figure is a woman.

_Johanna._ The only thing that strikes me as odd is that the woman is too thin. Johanna had always been curvy and the food from the last few weeks had served her well.

Two men in white coats roll in an enormous glass tank, another brings in a bizarre looking machine. They bustle around the room engaging in casual conversation, as if there isn't a maniacal girl staring at them. The hooded figure remains in the grasp of two Peacekeepers.

Then one of the coated men knocks on one of the mirrors. The door opens once again and Snow walks in. Everyone files out, except for the two guards.

"I'm going to give you an option Miss Everdeen," says Snow, pacing around my chair. I can feel the tickle of his breath against my ear, along with the smell of blood and roses. "You can tell me the truth and we can spare the lives of your friends, or we can do this the hard way."

I sit silently debating whether or not I will cooperate. On one hand I would be saving my friends, on the other hand I would be giving in to the Capitol pigs. Johanna and I had discussed this days before.

"_Don't tell them anything, Katniss," she had said seriously. _

_I laughed darkly. "What is there to tell? I didn't know anything to begin with."_

_Johanna snickered, but then her tone evened out. "No matter what, you have to promise me you won't be an idiot. They're going to torture me. I know it, but you __**can't**__ give in. It's not worth the end of this rebellion."_

_I knew she was right, but she didn't have anything to worry about. I truly had no information. Haymitch had made sure of that. "I promise."_

"I already told you! I don't know anything. Look at me and tell me I'm lying," I challenge. Snow looks deep into my eyes and disappointment crashes upon him. Then he hits the wall behind me, sending a shudder through my bones. I wish I would have been strong enough not to wince.

He seems to be debating something within himself and then he motions to one of the Peacekeepers. They both drag the lifeless figure to the tank and remove the hood. Standing as if frozen in time, is the red headed Avox from the training center. The first girl I didn't save.

I try to hide my emotions, but I feel my eyes fill with terror. Snow walks over to her and removes a metal clamp from her neck and life instantly fills her. She begins to scream, her cries distorted due to her mutilation. I cringe at the way they cut through the silent room. She looks around and finally locks eyes with me.

I stare at her and try to convey all the emotions I can with my eyes. I cannot talk to her now without giving anything away. She seems to read me like a book and relaxes, as if accepting her fate. I look away as a few tears drip down my cheeks and land on my collarbone.

The girl is submerged into the tank, her eyes once again locked on mine. Then Snow taps the wall and the water begins to come alive. I can tell by the way the girl's body is contorting, that the water is being zapped by an electrical current.

I sit there completely hopeless there is nothing I can do. I have nothing to barter with, nothing to give. "_If you did have information, would you give it?"_I ask myself.

My eyes fill with tears as I watch her eyes roll to the back of her head and her body goes still. Her hands, which moments before were pressed against the glass, hang limply at her sides. I cannot help but notice her fingers had been about to reach her lips. When I look closer I realize they were held in the traditional District 12 salute. _"No, I wouldn't have given Snow anything."_

This rebellion needs to live on.

The days wear on, the torture gets worse. First the redheaded Avox, I'm later told her name is Lavinia, and then Darius. They kill him after a few days and they bring in Johanna. Her torture sessions are the hardest to watch.

Her has been shaved and her body is bruised. I can tell they haven't fed her much since the last time we were in my cell. At first Snow taunts me, sending small electrical shocks through her body. As the sessions go by he begins to grow more sinister. Knives and needles are brought in and before I know it hell is splayed out before me. The most atrocious day was when they brought in a strange helmet that dug needles into her skull. Snow informed me that the Capitol had devised a way to use Tracker Jacker venom to induce hallucinations. I sat helplessly and listened, as Johanna relived her days in the Games and the deaths of her family.

One night, as the blue eyed Peacekeeper leads me to my room-I'm so weak, they deem one guard fit to return me to my cell- I ask him the question that has been on my lips since the first day. Why does he do this? He knows I am telling the truth," I choke desperately.

The guard looks at me strangely, as if he is looking at a small child. He looks down the hall and back to my cell. Then, in the smallest whisper he utters words I already know, "Snow enjoys your suffering. "

That night, my sleep is quaked by a nightmare. Peeta is caught by the Capitol and we are both displayed in Victors Square, tortured for the Capitol's entertainment. Snow laughs as our blood filled the streets. Peeta dies looking into my eyes, uttering one last loving phrase.

I snap up in bed, sweating and make a decision. If Snow enjoys my suffering I need to stop reacting to the torture. I refuse to give him the satisfaction of my pain.

I catch a few more hours of sleep before being woken up by Peeta's prep team.

"What's going on?" I croak. My voice is still thick with the previous night's tears.

A small, blue man smiles slightly at me. "We are to prepare you for another interview," he squeaks, eyeing the bruises left behind by the leather straps.

"Another interview with Caesar?" _I wonder what will happen after this one. _I pause and remind myself that no matter what happens, I will force myself not to care.

The blue man nods and instructs me to sit in the makeup chair. There isn't much they can do to make me beautiful. The girl on fire has been brought to ashes. The only thing keeping me alive is the thought that Peeta is safe.

The team does their best, but clearly Snow does not think it is enough. The heavy bags beneath my eyes are barely concealable. Pounds of makeup are patted over my bruises, but nothing can be done about my lifeless demeanor. Before I am taken out of my room, I hear Snow tell the Peacekeepers to execute the prep team on the spot. I don't even flinch when I hear their screams mixed with gunfire.

The gunfire means they are going far away from this place.

I no longer feel like Cinna's Mockingjay. I have lost my wings. I'm just the empty shell of a young girl. In the last few weeks I have lost my home, my family, my best friend and my lover. I have nothing more to give.

I am dragged into my chair next to Caesar. I find him gawking at me, a mixture of fear and pity woven into the fiber of his eyes. Instead of looking away like old Katniss would have, I hold his gaze. _Let him see what the Capitol has done to me._

When the cameras begin to roll we are still engaged in our silent exchange. An off-stage director clears his throat and Caesar comes back to life.

"Hello Katniss! It is absolutely delightful to see you again," he says in his usual "Caesar" tone.

I simply nod in response. The room is silent. The Mockingjay has lost her voice.

Caesar decides to ask a question that requires a complete answer. "So Katniss, tell us what you think about the rumors that Peeta is taping propos for the districts?"

I made sure to memorize the cue cards exactly this time. "They are using him, obviously, to whip up the rebels. I doubt he even knows what's going on with the war. What's at stake."

"Is there anything you would like to tell him?" asks Caesar.

"There is," I look directly to the camera lit with the blinking green light. "Think for yourself, Peeta. They've turned you into a weapon, the very thing you hate. If you've got any real influence, use it to put the brakes on this thing. Use it to stop the war, before it's too late."

I try to keep it together, but the lines on the cue cards are now a jumble in my mind. "Ask yourself, do you really trust the people you're working with? Do you really know what's going on? And if you don't… find out."

Then the director singles the end of the broadcast. I exhale loudly and slump back in my chair. Looking around I spot Snow. He is leering from the shadows of the cameramen. His eyes tell me I failed to convince him.

The pain would continue and I don't even care.

**I know, super angst filled ending! I just felt that things would be at its darkest for Peeta during the original Mockingjay, and I wanted to evoke the same feelings in my role reversal. Do you guys think I need to change the rating on this story to M? I plan to make things very brutal towards the end, but nothing more intense than the original Mockingjay ending. Let me know what you think and please R. & R. **


	6. Losing Myself

**Hi everyone! I am so grateful for all the reviews! You have no idea how happy it makes me. I know one review asked whether I was going to make Katniss forget her love for Peeta. My answer is both yes and no. When I read Mockingjay, I never felt that Peeta's love for Katniss completely faded. I think that is the beauty behind their love story, no matter what the Capitol did they could not take Katniss away from Peeta. I imagine he hated her, but could never shake the feeling that he loved her. So in this story I do plan to have her lose trust in Peeta. I am sorry if this disappoints anyone, but in all amazing love stories couples have to struggle. Enjoy!**

**Peeta's POV**

The morning after the broadcast I am released from the hospital and return to my compartment. I wind through the passages, waiting to see who would talk to me about Katniss, but I make it to my room without interruption.

Just as I am about to confront Haymitch, I hear a small knock on my door. It creaks open and in walks Prim, eyes red from tears.

"They're going to kill her Peeta," she whispers, tears coming down in big globs. Without hesitation, I take her in my arms and begin to coo words of comfort. My heart wrenches when I realize I had done the same with Katniss months before.

"They're not going to kill her Prim," I say, trying to believe my words. "They know everyone loves her too much."

Prim shakes her head and sobs louder into my chest. "I'm not dumb. I know what Snow is doing to her, Peeta."

I pull back and look at Prim. She may only be a child, but her wisdom is beyond even my own. There isn't a point in lying to her, it will only hurt her. "They're torturing her. At least, that's what I think."

Instead of bursting into tears, Prim nods and wipes the streaks off her cheeks. "When can you go get her? It needs to be soon."

I wish it were that simple. If this had all been up to me, the hovercraft would have turned back the day the arena fell. "I'm working on it. This new interview might help in swaying command to send a rescue, but Coin…"

"I don't trust her. My mom thinks she is an improvement, but she is only slightly better than Snow," she squeaks. For a fleeting moment, I wonder how safe it is to speak in these rooms. _Are they bugged like those in the Capitol?_

"Who else saw the interview? Your mother?" I need to know who is on my side.

Prim shakes her head. "She was at the hospital at the time. She would have mentioned something, or at least reacted to it. My mom can't hide her emotions very much, but I guess you already know that."

I remember hearing of her breakdown after her husband's death. The image of an emaciated Katniss rushes into my mind. At least I could help her that time. All I can do now is pray that Snow hasn't killed her. "Did anyone else come to see you? Gale?"

"He came by this morning, but didn't mention anything," she says quietly. "Gale doesn't want me to worry."

I take a moment to gather my thoughts and formulate my plan. Haymitch surely won't mention the broadcast, who knows if he even saw it. I doubt it, he isn't the television type. Gale saw, I know that for certain. I just wonder whether his allegiance lies with me or Coin. Considering Katniss' condition, I would think he would try to help in any way possible.

Prim watches me intensely, but she doesn't interrupt my moment of madness. She must know I am only trying to help.

"My only hope is Coin," I finally say. "As much as I hate her, she is the one who calls the shots around here. I need to negotiate with her. I won't shoot anymore propos until something is done about Katniss. They need their Mockingjay right?"

Prim bites her lip in concentration. "It's not much, but it's all we've got. Maybe I should film something too. I mean all of Panem knows that District 12 was bombed, but they don't know of any survivors. And maybe Katniss will see the propo. It might give her hope."

Prim has a point, maybe we can use her. Everyone loves Prim, and Panem knows how much she means to Katniss. If she speaks directly to the rebels, it could rally more forces. Then again, it might put her in danger. The last thing I would want would be to hurt Prim.

"Let me see what I can do in Command. If things look bad, I'll talk to you mother about having you in a propo. Until then don't mention anything."

For the first time in the last few days I see the old Prim emerge. Her eyes twinkle with hope and a smile spreads widely across her face. "We can do this Peeta! We can get her back!"

She gives me a kiss on the forehead and makes for the door. Just as I think she has left, she returns. "Katniss loves you so much, Peeta. I'm glad she finally noticed how much you mean to her."

I give her a sad smile and wave her off. When the door clicks shut I allow myself one moment to be the weak. I take Katniss' pillow and inhale. Despite the weeks of use it still smells like her.

I smile and think that in only a few days she will be here sitting next to me. Hopefully, we can take things from where we left off. I dream about the kisses on the beach every night, they get me by. Those were different than the rest. Those meant something to the both of us and I need to fight to get them back.

After an hour of searching, I find Gale in the Special Weapons Department with Beetee. They are both so submerged in their work; they don't notice me enter until I place my hand on Beetee's shoulder.

"Peeta," he smiles. "It's good to see you! I heard you did marvelously in District 8."

"Yeah, everything went well. I couldn't thank you enough for your weapons," I say in my usual charming voice. Gale awkwardly avoids my eyes and erases something on a sheet of paper.

Beetee beams with pride, but pretends to brush off the compliment. "You should see all the things Gale is helping me design. Our newest project is quite exciting. Would you like to look?"

I spot a blueprint of a bomb, which looks oddly familiar. The small package is attached to a small gray parachute… just like the ones in the Games.

"Why would you design them like this? They are meant to be rewards, people will run to them." I understand the concept of grenades, but this is manipulative. Anyone could confuse this with aid.

Gale is scowling at me. "They're for use against the Capitol, Peeta. They can save rebel lives."

"It's wrong."

"This _war_ is wrong," he challenges.

I drop the subject, only because more pressing matters concern me. "Are you going to mention Katniss at all? Or are you going to pretend you didn't see the interview?"

Gale looks shocked for a moment, but drops his eyes in shame. "I was told…"

"I don't care what you were told. You and I are on the same team. We want Katniss out alive, right? Or have you changed your mind?" The words are harsh, but I mean every word.

Before I can blink, Gale is coming towards me. He may be taller than me, but I am stronger. I use his momentum to throw his body onto the ground. I knock him twice in the face, before he retaliates by punching me in the gut. My fist is cocked back, ready to deliver another blow, when I feel two guards pull me off him.

"What the hell, Hawthorne! I thought you had more balls than that. You get a damn bracelet and it goes to your head!"

This sets him off again, but the guards hold him back. "I'm following orders. I have a job here you know."

"Yeah, well you owe it to Katniss!"I spit back. "I never thought _you _would turn your back on her so easily."

Gale looks hurt, but not enough to admit his fault. "There is nothing we can do. We don't even know where she is!"

"I doubt that! Coin seems to know a lot more than you think, Gale!" It's true. Coin orchestrated an entire rescue from District 13, using minimal communication. She seems to know when anyone in the Capitol lifts a finger. Does Gale really think she doesn't know where Katniss is being held?

This shuts him up. "Have fun building your death traps. I'm heading up to Command and seeing what I can do to get her back."

I'm still fuming, but I know I have to calm down if I want to accomplish anything. The guards escort me out of Weaponry and into the white hallways near the living quarters. Gale's ignorance leaves me with one less supporter. I'm going to need all the help I can get. Just as I am wondering where to go next, I spot Finnick's compartment.

Finnick may be out of it, but he is willing to fight for Annie. Maybe he can help me push through the rescue.

I walk into the desolate compartment, only to find it submerged in darkness. I'm about to give up when I hear a splash coming from the lavatory. I flick on the lights to find Finnick sitting completely naked in the bathtub. Even with the lights on he doesn't seem to notice my presence. His hands are busy working knots of a splice of rope, while his eyes are locked on the wall of the bathroom. I throw a towel at him and he snaps out of his trance.

"Peeta, what are you doing lurking about my room?" he asks coquettishly. "I don't suppose you have joined my group of stalkers."

"I need your help," I say seriously. "I want to talk Coin into moving up the rescue."

Finnick's eyes glow with excitement. "What do you need me to do?"

"I'm not sure yet. I just need someone else to back me up. Get dressed first, or maybe you should just go like this," I laugh. "For all we know, Coin likes blondes."

Finnick bolts out of the bath and throws on clothing, something I haven't seen him do since we left the arena. He might not be all there, but Finnick has his priorities straight.

When Finnick and I make it to the conference room we find a small crowd gathering. Haymitch, Beetee, Gale and Plutarch all sit at the large table. Shortly after we arrive, Boggs and Plutarch's team join the party.

"What's going?" I ask, hoping there isn't any more news from the Capitol.

"Snare boy woke me up," grunted Haymitch. "He says you saw the broadcast and want to strike a deal to save Katniss."

I glance at Gale, and then back to Haymitch. "She looks worse Haymitch. We need to get her out now."

Plutarch speaks before Haymitch can respond. "We have received some intelligence from a few moles. They say she is being held in Snow's personal home. It's very risky. We can't just storm in there, but this is a strong enough lead to take action."

"Let's make a plan then."

"No plans can be made without me." We all turn to see Coin waltzing through the door. She takes a seat at the head of the table and folds her hands elegantly. "You already made your demands, Peeta. Negotiations are closed."

"You saw the interview. Anyone can see that we are running out of time. We need to make our move now."

Coin's lips pinch into a straight line, making her look even more frigid than before. "There is nothing we can do."

Plutarch speaks up nervously, "President Coin, we have a substantial amount of intel. A team can be thrown together within a few hours."

Coin glares at Plutarch's words. She does not like her authority to be questioned. Her brief moment of anger is covered up nicely before anyone can notice. Coin's eyes meet mine and she sees that I am the only one who caught her.

My mind recalls Plutarch telling me about the new government that will be set in place when this war is over. I know what I need to do. "Why don't we take a vote? After all, we are all informed about the situation and we are all on the same time here."

Coin eyes me venomously, but a smile appears on her face. "What a grand idea. Let's leave the fate of this rebellion to a couple of teenagers."

Finnick clears his throat. "Technically the only teenager in the room is Peeta, and come on he has more wisdom than most of us combined."

Haymitch gives a grunt, which is meant to be a laugh. "Let's test out this theory of democracy. If it blows up in our face at least we know we need to work out some kinks."

Coin's calm façade is slipping and I know we are about to win. Gale is the next to speak up, "I've been training with the soldiers and we all are prepared for battle. There are plenty more rebels succeeding with less than what District 13 has to offer."

Coin pinches the bridge of her nose and turns to look at Boggs. They exchange a few quiet words and she looks at her portfolio. "We can have her out in three days, minimum."

I stop to think about my options, but really this is all I have. "Okay. When do we start training?"

"_You_ aren't going. You're can compromise the mission," she says seriously. "Not to mention you are too valuable. We cannot afford to lose you. In exchange, you will film a few propo for the rebellion. Mr. Odair will be staying as well, you have only been out of the medical ward for a few weeks, and I'm not going to have you jeopardize the mission."

Finnick's fists clench, but he nods in assent. He must realize any action we take can be used against us. "I have an idea for a special. Plutarch and I can talk it over."

"Fine, both of you will be put to work. I want one done by tonight." She directs her next few questions to Boggs and I mentally drop out.

I won't be part of the rescue mission, but at least we were able to bump it up. Everyone begins to rise from the table, the meeting has been adjourned.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn to see Gale bearing down at me. I stand to meet his gaze, but realize I am not alone. Finnick is leaning against the wall on my right. He is cracking his knuckles and whistling a quiet tune.

Gale pretends not to notice. "I'm sorry. I should have told you," he says quietly. By the look on his face, I can tell he isn't used to apologizing.

There are many things I want to say to him, but right now I need to focus on Katniss. Despite the anger boiling beneath my skin I reach out my hand.

"It's fine. Let's just focus on getting her out of there."

**Katniss' POV**

Johanna is screaming again. She must be having a nightmare.

My instincts tell me to rush to her side, but my body is too weak to listen to my commands. Instead, I softly begin to sing a melody. The song isn't as chipper as I would like, but at least it is something.

Johanna's cries begin to soften as she listens to my voice. Then they disappear all together. "That's really depressing," she says in a husky tone. I hope the hoarseness in her voice is due to her nightmare and not the tortures she has been enduring. "Who is the man singing to?"

I turn my head ever so slightly, reopening a few gashes on my cheek. "The woman he loves, or at least I think."

"He wants her to die?" asks Johanna incredulously. "Kind of creepy."

I used to think so too, but now the song has taken on a whole new meaning. "Maybe he just wants her to get away from this world and join him in the next. Maybe there they can be together in peace."

Tears streak my face. Will I ever be able to be with the ones I love in this world? Or will I just have to join them in the next? Prim, my mother and Gale are already waiting for me. How much longer will it take for Peeta to join us?

A very long time, I hope.

"Katniss?" asks Johanna. I've been quiet for much too long. "Are you still there?"

I clear my throat and wipe my tears before responding. "Yeah, just dozed for a bit."

Johanna accepts my lie. "I have a favor to ask you."

"Shoot."

She hesitates for a few moments before coming out with it. "If you and I are ever put in the same cell again…"

"Just spit it out, Johanna."

"Jesus, Katniss," she snaps back. "Fine, will you promise to kill me?"

I had a feeling this was coming and truth be told, I wish I had asked first. "Yes." I know this would leave me alone, but at least I would save her some misery.

"Promise me."

"I promise."

Johanna sighs and then snaps her fingers. "Sing me another song then, brainless."

I've lost track of time again. All I know is Snow's games have grown darker. He no longer spares me physical pain. I've been electrocuted, beaten and burned. My skin has more scars and welts than I can count.

I sit in the white tile room, ready for my next punishment, when Snow strides in with a smile on his face.

"_You enjoy this too much," I think._

"Miss Everdeen, I am so giddy about today!" he says sitting down while two guards file in. The men in white coats have already set up the machine they've used to torture Johanna. "You remember these," he motions to a container filled with Tracker Jackers.

"I'm familiar with them," I say, as if I'm not afraid. Thank god the machines aren't connected to me yet. Snow would be able to see my heartbeat.

He looks upset by my lack of fear, but quickly recovers his mask of happiness. "Well, we will be working with them today. You will be our experiment. Would you like to hear what we have in store?"

"Do I really have a choice? You are going to tell me anyway." My voice drips with sarcasm.

Again, this throws Snow off. Has he not been catching on? I will not give him my misery. That is for me and no one else.

He nods to one of the doctors, who places the helmet on my head. I brace myself for the pain, but nothing comes.

"I find it ironic, Katniss," he says through gritted teeth. "That you finally prove to me that you love Peeta, now that it's too late. If only you would have seen the light sooner, you could have saved us this whole mess."

I hate it when he brings up Peeta. "_I_ find it ironic that all you had to do to make me fall in love with him was back off. Loving him was inevitable; it would have happened without your interference."

I know this now. I would have fallen in love with Peeta, no matter what happened. I felt the hint of love towards Peeta before the Quell, but Gale made things more complicated. I felt like I owed Gale a chance, but more out of guilt rather than attraction. If the Quell wouldn't have thrown us back into the arena, I would give it two months before I would have acknowledged my feelings. Peeta was mine and I was Peeta's. It had been decided long before our names were in that bowl.

"Get on with it," he commands the doctor.

I barely have enough time to prepare myself for the pain before the needles pierce my scalp. A syrup like substance begins to seep into my vessels, making my head feel as if it is about to implode. I bite my lip in an effort to hide my moan, but the pain is too much.

Instantly, I begin to feel the effects of the Tracker Jacker venom. The room begins to spin and an orange sheen coats my eyes. I notice a screen is pulled down in front of me. A few crackles come from behind me and the screen begins to flash with images. The doctor steps forward and clamps open my eyelids forcing me to watch.

The images are quick and out of sequence. The reaping, Prim screaming, Peeta taking my hand in District 11, Gale kissing me in the forest, all the images are spliced between images of mutts. I don't know why they show me this, but it makes my head hurt and confuses me.

After what seems like hours, the images stop and the screen goes blank. Snow must have been in another room, because he waltzes in looking satisfied. "We have made amazing progress, Miss Everdeen. The doctors say you are responding well."

"Well to what?" I say willing my voice to seem indifferent, but the film has taken its toll on my mind.

"Oh that's right, you rudely interrupted me before," he laughs. "You see, we are using the Tracker Jacker venom, along with film that we have acquired from your time in the Games, to manipulate your thoughts. Within four days you will hate Peeta. Then we will wrap you up and prop you on the front step of the rebels. You will do your job from there."

"You're making me hate Peeta? _Why?_" it makes no sense. Hating Peeta won't help Snow fight the rebels.

"You are being made into a weapon, a weapon we can use to take down the Mockingjay."

His answer only raises more questions. "I'm the Mockingjay. Why drag Peeta into this?"

Snow's laughter booms. "Oh, no one has told you? Peeta has replaced you as the Mockingjay. The rebels have a new spokesperson, and my can he charm them."

He signals another doctor and before I can gather my thoughts, I'm taken under by sedatives.

They're replaying the games today, my first games, but they are all wrong. They show Peeta trying to hunt me down with the careers. When they have me caught in a tree, he lights the forest on fire and watches as the flames engulf me.

_It's not real. Peeta loves me, he was only with the careers to protect me._

I watch as he shoots his spear through a screaming Rue. She was trying to protect me, dragging me away from the flames. Then Peeta attacks me, gashing my head open with a rock. He leaves me to die in the forest, but the sound of the cannon never comes. When the announcement is made that two can be saved, Peeta returns and carries me to the cave.

_Peeta didn't do that. Marvel killed Rue. I found him after he saved me from Cato._

This goes on every day, hour after hour. I try desperately to hold onto the truth, but the venom is too powerful. All of my memories are taken from me, distorted, and conveniently placed back in my mind. It becomes harder to tell what is real and what is not.

Johanna tries to talk to me about it, but I shrug her off. _Did Peeta manipulate her too? Or is she right? _My mind is so befuddled. I don't even bother trying to figure it out.

One day Snow comes in with a new prep team. I am roughly polished off and dressed in a simple outfit. Apparently the Capitol is running low on textiles, which must mean the rebellion lives on. I don't know if I should be happy about this or mad. I'm still trying to decipher my feelings when I hear someone speaking to me in a hushed tone.

I look up to find the blue eyed guard murmuring at me. His words are a blur, but I make out the most important phrase. "They are bombing District 13 tonight. You need to warn them."

_District 13? Why do I care about District 13?_ Very quickly, the image of Peeta flashes in my mind. It isn't a bad image, it's a sweet one. We are sitting in my bedroom in Victors Village. He is sketching something, while I admire his eyelashes. When he looks up at me he smiles. As quickly as it came, the image disappears. This isn't the bad Peeta. This is the Peeta that loves me.

_Peeta is in District 13. I love Peeta and I have to warn him._

The blue eyed guard is squeezing my arm, trying to convey the words to me one more time before we enter a hallway that must be bugged. He lets me go and acts as if he said nothing.

I'm shoved into a fancy room filled with Capitol men and women. I find myself looking into the eyes of the guard while he unlocks my cuffs. He is silently asking me if I understand and all I do is nod. I need to hold onto my sanity long enough to deliver the message to the rebels.

I'm not given cue cards. Instead I am told I will be reading from an invisible screen in front of me. This will be a live taping. _Perfect._

I hold onto the image of Peeta in my room. If I stop to think I will forget about my message. I _have _to give my message.

The Capitol anthem begins and Snow gives a brief speech. A green light above my screen gives me my cue and I begin to recite my lines. I catch an image of myself in another screen and realize how awful I look. _Peeta has done this to me. He has killed my whole family and turned me over to the Capitol. _Just then, an image of Peeta comes up on the screen. He is saying something about my sister and my mother. His words are kind and his eyes are loving.

_He is lying, Katniss. He murdered all of them. He wants to murder you._ I begin to squeeze my hands, trying to come out of whatever reverie I am in. Then an image of Gale comes onto the screen. I've completely stopped speaking, my eyes focused on the screen above me. _Gale is supposed to be dead._

Then screen goes back to Peeta. He is looking into the camera now, he is looking at me. "I miss you Katniss and I love you."

The screen goes blank and there is a slight uproar. "We have regained connection," yells someone offstage and I'm given my cue to continue.

This might be my last chance. An interviewer leans over and asks me the perfect question. "Do you have anything to say to those in District 13.

_Peeta is in District 13. District 13 is going to be bombed. I need to warn Peeta. _

"Yes," I say in a strained voice. I find the camera and push the words out as loudly as I can. "You in District 13, DEAD BY MORNING!"

The words barely escape my lips before the guards are on me. I'm flung to the ground and feel a hard jab to my jaw. Another comes quickly after, than another and I fall into the black.

**Peeta's POV**

Before I can let the words Katniss yelled sink in, the screen is splattered with her blood. Katniss could very well be dead.

**I know, again with the super dramatic ending, but I felt it would be wrong if I ended it without Peeta's POV. Next chapter will be about the bombings and Katniss' torture. I feel it's time for Annie to make an appearance! Please review! I should have the next chapter up by tomorrow. **

**_Cecilia**


	7. Heaven in a Hovercraft

**Hello Everyone! Thanks for the AMAZING reviews! Hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**Katniss' POV**

I come to a few moments after being beat on national television. The blue eyed guard is leaning over my battered body, taking my pulse. I manage a small smile. "I did it," I whisper, not bothering to look around for others.

He nods slightly and looks subtly around us. His cold fingertips are still pressed against my neck. I reach up to grab them, shaking him into awareness. "Please, just kill me. They're going to make things worse now. Let me remember him like this."

The guard must know that I am referring to the last image I have of Peeta. The split second when he appeared on the screens is still in my mind. If I stop to let myself think, that image will leave and I'll be left with Mutt-Peeta.

The look in his eyes is agonizing and for a brief moment I think he might do it. He gently squeezes my shoulder and shakes his head. "Just a little bit longer, hold on a bit longer."

"I can't," I whisper. "Please. They can't take this away from me too. I don't want to stop loving him. Let me die knowing the truth."

He just shakes his head again and pulls me up by my arm harshly. We must be in the presence of someone important. Before I can lift my head to see, I'm dragged by my hair and slammed on the ground. My body is too weak to fight back, but I still thrash around on instinct. Snow himself appears as two Peacekeepers hold me up.

"That was a fatal mistake, Katniss." Snow using my real name scares me slightly. The nice Snow is gone, although his prior mannerisms can hardly be considered nice. His terrible attempts at diplomacy are gone. "Strap her to the chair and run the film. Double the venom."

"Sir, that much venom can kill her," says one of his talking heads.

Snow grabs the man and shoves him against a wall. "I didn't ask, did I? Now by the time I walk back into Miss Everdeen's cell, I expect her to be the weapon I asked you to create. If she isn't, we will bring in your wife and children to improve the method. Do I make myself clear?"

The doctor doesn't respond, but I know his answer. I know what I would do if I had anyone left to protect. At least Peeta is safe. District 13 will have enough time to evacuate. I close my eyes as I am dragged into the white tile room, trying to hold onto the image of _my _Peeta, before the Capitol's version takes over again.

**Peeta's POV**

I'm still glued to my spot in front of the television when Haymitch calls my name. "Help me out here Peeta! Tell them she isn't lying!"

I look up to find several pairs of eyes looking up at me. I find myself once again lost for words. "I…" I think back to Katniss' blood on the screen. "They're fucking killing her. Did no one see that? Why would they _do_ that to her if it wasn't true?"

I find Haymitch across the room and open my mouth again, but nothing comes out. He must notice my lack of words because he begins to speak. "Well you heard the kid you idiots, call the fucking evacuation."

Coin is sitting in her chair at the head of her conference table. I can tell she doesn't like the use of our colorful vocabulary, but she seems to agree with us. I don't wait to hear her orders. Instead I burst through Command doors and set off to the Everdeen compartment. When I walk in, Prim is frantically searching the room for a few belongings. She only looks up at me to convey that she has seen the broadcast. I hold her gaze for a moment, but quickly begin to gather important items and place them in a knapsack. We say nothing as she follows me to my compartment and I grab the few things I care about. Among them are my sketches of Katniss, the pillow, and what is left of my family's tools.

Just as we are about to descend into the emergency areas, Prim lets out a horrid yelp. At first, I think she has finally broken down, but Prim is too much like her sister in that sense. She is looking around the hall, searching for something.

"Buttercup, he hasn't been back! Oh, I can't lose him today," she says in the saddest tone.

"I'll get him. He is probably just outside the doors. You get to your compartment and find your mother. I'll find him and meet you there."

Prim nods and gives my hand a squeeze before taking my belongings and running out of sight. I make my way towards the top story, bumping into Finnick along the way. He too says nothing as we make our way out the fortified doors and into the sun of District 13's surface. Sure enough, Buttercup is mewing outside of the doors, looking like a scared child. I pull him into my arms and run back into the concrete depths.

We barely slide through the closing doors to the emergency quarters. Finnick looks like he wants to speak, but I raise my hand. "Just give me a moment to take care of Prim and Mrs. Everdeen. I'm not ready to…"

_Not ready to what? Breakdown like a child? Cry my eyes out?_

"I know," says Finnick. "It's not worth it. It is twice as hard putting yourself together, than falling apart."

I nod curtly and find the Everdeen room. Mrs. Everdeen looks up at me as I walk in and gives me a weak smile. "Thank you, Peeta. I wouldn't have made it to the compartment in time."

I smile back, as best as I can and set Buttercup down on Prim's lap. "It's fine."

Prim pats the cushion next to hers and I take a seat. "Can you stay with me? Mom has to go to the hospital ward and I don't want to be alone."

I look to Mrs. Everdeen, who responds with a wet nod. "Sure. A little company will keep me from thinking about this whole thing."

The words are out of my mouth before I can take them back, but no one mentions anything. I spot Finnick leaning awkwardly against the door frame at the same time as Prim. "You can stay too," she pipes in.

Finnick shakes his head and waves a piece of rope in front of him. "I've got all the company I need right here. I'll come and see you guys when they've stopped."

Finnick and Mrs. Everdeen both disappear into the hall and we are left alone. Prim wraps Buttercup in a small blanket and places him in a box. When she is done, she rearranges her things neatly and leans against the bunker wall. "What are you thinking, Peeta?"

I think back to what Finnick said about falling apart, but it's too tempting. "I'm thinking that I've failed. I've failed Katniss. I've failed you and your mother. I've failed myself."

Prim scoots closer to me and leans her head against my shoulder. "You haven't failed Peeta."

I know her words are meant to be soothing, but they only anger me. "Don't patronize me Prim! Katniss is probably dead right now and it's _my _fault."

I realize I am being harsh, but my anger has been boiling for months now. There is only so much patience one man can have. Prim doesn't seem to know how to respond. Instead, she takes my hand into hers and squeezes it tightly.

"Peeta, Katniss warned us. She knew what she was doing. It's no one's fault," she murmurs. "She is my sister and I know her better than anyone. Katniss wouldn't blame you for this."

For a few moments, I let myself dwell in my misery. Then Prim's words sink into me and I realize how selfish I am being. For all we know, Prim has just lost her sister. Yet here she is, comforting me. "How are _you_ Prim?" I ask.

She shrugs, then to my surprise, smiles. "I'm actually kind of happy."

I must look shocked, because Prim giggles when she takes in my face. "Don't you see? If Katniss died tonight, she has died doing what she does best, saving people. If this was her final act, which part of me knows it isn't, then she died protecting the ones she loves. And as much as it hurts…" she pauses and wipes a few tears from her eyes. "As much as it hurts, I'm so _very_ proud of her."

My mouth is agape and I feel hot tears dripping down my cheeks. This little girl has been through so much, lost her sister so many times, but she still manages to make light of the situation. Her wisdom is beyond her years. "You're right," I laugh. "But don't think for one moment, that I'm giving up on this. We are bringing Katniss back no matter what."

Prim gives me a teary smile and hugs me tightly. Just then the first bomb drops. The whole building quakes, making me question the integrity of this fortress. Prim yelps, so I wrap my arms around her head and whisper soothing words. It's in this moment that I wonder what it would be like to have a little sister. Then again, there is no need to wonder. I already have one.

After a couple of hours, the bombs stop and we are allowed to go to the lavatories. I leave a sleeping Prim in her compartment, along with Mrs. Everdeen. I make my way down the halls and find Finnick's room open.

He nods in acknowledgement, as I slide against the wall and sit on the floor. "I guess Katniss was right. She saved a lot of lives today," he says, breaking the silence.

"Yeah, I guess she did. How are you holding up?" I ask sincerely.

Finnick laughs and lifts up his rope. "I'm hanging on by a thread."

I laugh at the awful attempt at a joke. "Does that help you?" I question, motioning to the rope in his hands.

Finnick just nods and works through another knot. "I've been tying knots my whole life. It calms me down and lets me leave this world for a moment."

I know the feeling. Painting and baking both are second nature to me. I can completely submerge myself in my work and forget my busy thoughts. I guess this is what the rope does for Finnick, but lately I cannot afford myself time to get lost in my mind.

"Do you think they are hurting Annie too?" he breaks my thoughts.

I shake my head. "I doubt it. She is too wounded too and too damaged to try to get anything out of her. Snow wouldn't touch her."

Finnick doesn't respond. He continues to tie another knot. I take time to notice that his hands are rough and bloody. I look up to see that he isn't even looking down at the rope. His eyes are lost somewhere else. I wonder if he is thinking about his time with Annie. I ignore my curiosity. After all we are men, and guys don't just ask other guys what they are thinking.

I remember asking my oldest brother once, what he was thinking. I was met with a slap in the back of the head and a punch in the stomach. Despite the violence, I find myself smiling at the memory. I'm shocked that I became such a sensitive person when I was raised by two brothers. It must be my father's genes. "It it okay if I sleep in your spare bunk. I don't feel like going to administration and asking which one my room is."

Finnick motions his chin towards one of the two bunks and I take this as a yes. When I lay my head on Katniss' pillow, I fall into a restless sleep.

We are finally let out of our bunkers the following afternoon. The readings indicate there is no radiation from the bombs, which means it is safe for us to go above ground. Finnick and I agree to go to the surface and film a propo.

I am told, by Plutarch and his team that we need to deliver a message to the rebels. We need to show them I am alive. I don't roll my eyes at the cliché. _Don't they realize most of Panem is currently in revolt? Who has time to watch television?_

Either way, this is part of my deal. Coin has informed me the team will leave for the Capitol in two days. Gale seems to be happy to be in training, but I don't know if I can fully trust him. Sure he redeemed himself a bit the day he called the meeting, but that wasn't enough for me. What if Coin ordered them to stop mid-mission? Would he follow the orders and retreat?

We make it to the surface and begin to assess the damage. There isn't much. Actually, everything seems untouched, besides the gaping holes in the ground. Finnick and I are looking into one of these holes, when Boggs calls out to us.

He is pointing at a small box lying near a small shrub. I approach it cautiously, reading the tag attached to the perfect, white paper. It reads _Peeta._ I rip open the thick wrapping and tear open the box. Sitting in a plush red case is the pearl from the Qwell, the one I had given to Katniss on the beach.

I turn it over a few times in my fingers, before running back to my room. Once I get there, I allow my rage to take over. Using all of my strength, I rip my mattress off the bed and fling it across my small room. My paints are scattered across the floor, decorating the plain white walls. Two guards pull burst through my door and pull me into the hall. I shove one off and manage to punch him in the jaw before the other stabs a needle into my neck.

When I come around, Finnick is sitting next to my hospital bed. To my surprise his hands are empty. He doesn't realize I'm awake so I throw my pillow at him. Even in his trance-like state he manages to block it.

"Graceful," I mutter. "What happened? How long have I been out?"

Finnick throws the pillow back at me and jumps into a lengthy explanation. Apparently, Coin herself heard the commotion as I aptly destroyed my sleeping quarters. She gave the order to have me sedated on the spot. "You gave one of the guards a pretty good black eye too. Who knew under your charming exterior, you are just as crazy as the rest of us," laughs Finnick.

I know this is meant to insult me, but I still manage a smirk. "Anyway," he continues, "Haymitch got into it with Coin. He told her they needed to get Katniss and the others faster than ever."

Finnick stood up and picked up a plate of food that must have recently been brought in. "She argued, but there was no denying Katniss' life is in even more jeopardy now. With Haymitch's argument and _my_ good looks, we managed to talk her into dispatching the rescue team today. Gale and the others left a few hours ago."

He snatches an apple off the tray and bites into it. "Oh and you've been out for six hours," he says, spitting some apple out in the process.

My mind is wrapping itself around the concept. _Katniss might be here soon. Katniss will be here soon._ "How long are they thinking it will take?"

Finnick shrugs and takes another bite of the apple. "No one really mentioned anything to me. I got my information from some girl on Plutarch's team.

I raise an eyebrow when I realize this poor person was manipulated by Finnick's appeal. "You better quit the flirting Finnick," I say seriously.

"Why is that?" he asks, looking concerned.

I try to maintain my act of reverence, but the smile escapes me. "Well Annie is going to get here soon, and she might not be too happy if her man is hitting on other girls."

Finnick smiles, the first genuine smile I think I have ever seen from him. "Well you are wrong about two things, Mellark. One, it wasn't a girl, it was a guy. The Capitol taught me how to charm men too, you know."

I hide my look of discomfort at the mention of Finnick's prostitution, and listen to the next point. "Secondly, there has never been any competition. Annie is the only person I love. She knows that well enough."

"God Odair," I laugh. "Who knew you were such a sap. I thought that way my job."

Haymitch interrupts our conversation and asks us to come to Command. "They're not back yet, but I figured you would want to know about the plan. We make our way to the Command, both giddy with excitement and nerves.

**Katniss' POV**

_My name is Katniss Everdeen. My family is dead. District 12 has been destroyed. They're all gone and it is all Peeta Mellark's fault. _

These words repeat in my head every minute of the day. The thought of getting my revenge is the only thing keeping me alive.

I'm sitting on a soft, spring floor. I'm not alone. Sitting in another corner is a small dark haired girl. She tells me her name is Annie Cresta. The name sounds familiar.

"You're Finnick's girl," I say after hours of silence. The frail girl smiles brightly and scoots closer to me.

"Yes," she squeaks. "Do you know anything about Finn?"

I try to search my mind for the last memory I have of him. He was part of our pack in the Quell. He made it out of the arena with Peeta. "I think he is in danger. Peeta is trying to kill him."

Annie looks confused and hugs her legs to her chest. "That can't be right. Peeta is on Finnick's side. He won't hurt Finnick. Right?"

My eyebrows furrow. "Peeta wants to kill us all. He murdered my family and tried to kill me."

Annie reaches a hand out to me and touches my temple. "What did they do to you?" she whispers.

Her hand feels nice on my temple, but I quickly slap it away. "They told me the _truth_! They showed me the tapes. Peeta has been trying to kill me for nearly two years."

This only seems to confuse Annie more. Instead of asking more questions she covers her ears and begins to rock back and forward. I look at her strangely. A feeling deep in my chest begins to pull at my inside. I have the maddening urge to reach out and comfort her, but a large part of me tells me not to trust her. She doesn't seem to believe me.

I lean against the padded wall and doze off for what feels like seconds. Suddenly, I am woken up by Annie's warm hands. "Someone is trying to break through the door," she whispers.

I don't know why, but I stand up and push her behind me. I'm ready to take on anyone who comes through, when the entire door is blown off its' hinges. Annie screams and pulls me into a corner, where we both curl into an odd ball of limbs. I feel a pair of hands prying me off of her, then I hear her screams.

"Leave her alone," I yell. When I finally open my eyes I come to the conclusion that I'm having a dream. Staring into my eyes are a pair of familiar gray orbs. My vision clears and the image in front of me solidifies.

Yes. It must be a dream, because I know Gale to be dead. "Katniss, we've got you! Come on, we need to get to District 13," says Gale softly.

"No, you're not real! You're dead!" I yell pinching my arm. I'll wake up any moment now.

My eyes open to the same scene. "That's not true. Look, I'm alive. Your mother and Prim are waiting for you."

This is definitely a dream. Maybe the guard with the blue eyes decided to kill me after all. Maybe Gale is just leading me to the next world. I decide to take my chances, after all this is a happy dream. I take his hand and run with him out into the corridor.

"Wait, that girl! Annie!" I yelp. "She should be free too. Can she come with us?" Gale looks more confused than ever. _Is she not ready to go to the next world?_

"She can come too," he responds quietly. "We have Johanna on the hovercraft already."

"Hovercraft? You get to heaven in a hovercraft?" _Who knew?_

Gale looks at me with tears in his eyes. "Yes, you can get to heaven in a hovercraft. Let's go, Catnip." He reaches out and scoops me into his arms like a child. I wrap my arms around his neck and take in his scent.

I doze in and out of consciousness. I feel another pair of hands on my and open my eyes to find Johanna looking back at me. "We made it out, Katniss!" Her eyes are bloodshot and her face is too thin, but that won't matter soon. "You're going to see Peeta!"

Instantly, I feel my body tense. "NO! No, no, no! Run, Johanna. Run! Peeta is going to kill us!" Gale tightens his hold on my arms and I feel a prick near my neck. I welcome the black this time. Darkness and I are old friends. It's the reality that is cruel.

**So that was it. I know I've gotten a lot of requests not to make Katniss forget her love for Peeta, but as much as I respect your opinion, I am sticking to the Mockingjay Plot as much as possible. I think Katniss' and Peeta's relationship is strengthened by the tracker Jacker venom, even if it is painful. Sorry if this disappoints any readers, but I feel it is necessary to maintain my integrity. Also, I know this last bit seemed like a Katniss/Gale sort of thing, but trust me it isn't! **

**Thanks again! And I should have another chapter posted by the end of this weekend!**

**_Cecilia**

**P.S. I think I might be looking for a Beta reader to catch my grammatical errors. I think it would be good to have a fresh pair of eyes look through my work before I post it. If anyone is interested you can Personal Message me!**


	8. Reunion

**Hey everyone! Thanks for all of your reviews! This chapter is about Peeta & Katniss' reunion and all the drama that goes down. Enjoy :]**

**Peeta's POV**

Finnick and I are both staring at an empty wall, when Haymitch comes in and gives us the news. We had been sitting there for nearly ten hours. I refused to eat and sleep, much less move. Prim had come by earlier and tried to strike up a conversation, but realized there was no use. As far as anyone was concerned, today I was an Avox.

When Haymitch came in I knew they had made it back. The slight glimmer of hope in his eyes and the shortness of his breath were both a good sign. _Katniss is back._

"Is she okay?" I ask. My voice sounds alien to me after so many hours of silence.

"All I know is that they all made it out. I'm not sure in what condition." He disappears down the hall. I'm about to follow when I notice Finnick is still gaping at the doorway.

"Let's go, Odair," I laugh giving him a shove. He snaps into awareness and walks slowly out of the room. I follow him, but maintain my distance, just in case I need to bring him back to reality. We enter the hospital ward, which is in complete chaos. There are medics rushing to tend to the wounded. I spot Gale from across the room. Mrs. Everdeen is removing something from his shoulder. He doesn't see me and for the moment I am glad. I want nothing to distract me from Katniss. I'm about to make my way towards the other end of the wing when I'm slammed into a wall. Finnick is moving towards a frail girl with long dark hair. I recognize her from the footage I meticulously studied before the Quell, Annie Cresta. She screams his name and launches into his arms, wrapped only in a white sheet. I feel a pang of joy in my stomach as I watch their embrace.

Before I can say anything I spot her. She is sitting up on her hospital bed, being examined by doctors. She is too thin and has dark circles beneath her eyes, but she is still as radiant as ever. Just then, her gray seam eyes meet mine. I start shoving my way through the crowd, trying to get to her as quickly as possible.

She rises from her bed and her arms extend towards me. For a moment, she looks happy and goes me the most loving look any one has ever given me. I am about to take her in my arms, when I hear a bloody scream. It takes me a few seconds before I realize it is coming from Katniss. She pushes me off of her and looks around the room. Before I have time to relax, she has found a scalpel and is holding it her hand ready for attack.

"Katniss," I say in a low murmur. "Hey, it's me. It's Peeta."

Her eyes look maniacal. They search my face and then squeeze shut. "No! You're a mutt!"

I ever so gently reach forward and take her hands in mine. I pry her fingers off of the knife and hear it clang to the floor. Her eyes open again and meet mine. There seems to be an internal battle going on in her mind, invisible forces fighting for dominance. I pull her into a hug and begin to whisper soothing words to her. I feel wet tears cover the front of my shirt and her body relaxes against mine. I'm about to pull away when her fingers lock around my throat.

**Katniss' POV**

This must be hell. Heaven wouldn't be this loud. I take in the sounds of the hovercraft and the chatter of its passengers. I feel the rise and fall of a breathing chest beneath my head.

_Open your eyes, Katniss._ The internal monologue has returned. Sometimes it's only one voice, other times two.

I follow the voice's instructions and look up to find a pair of sea green eyes looking down at me. They belong to Annie Cresta. She is running her hands through my hair, combing out the matted knots. I stare at her for a while, trying to remember how we got here. I remember having a nightmare. Gale had taken me and Annie out of our cell and told us he was taking us to Peeta. Peeta, who would surely kill all of the second we arrived.

"Where are we?" I croak. She shrugs and looks around. She is clearly afraid, but does her best to hide it.

"They say they are taking us somewhere safe. I think they are taking us to Finnick and…" She is about to say something, but chooses against it. "Johanna is here too," she says nodding towards a crumpled mass on the floor.

"Do you trust these people?" I ask.

Again Annie shrugs. "I don't know who to trust." She stops running her fingers through my hair and presses her fingers to her temples.

I want to help her, but I just watch as she regains her mind. I've had to do this a lot in the last few weeks. My mind begins to flashback to Peeta's eyelashes and the way they fluttered as he sketched in my bedroom. Then they flash to the night in the Quell when he shoved me into the acid rain.

I shudder and turn my attention back to Annie. I remember how much Finnick loves her and I feel a pang of jealousy. The only man I have ever loved has tried to kill me. He used me to survive the games and has attempted to destroy me every day since. "Do you trust me, Annie?"

Her large eyes open widely. "Yes," she says without hesitation.

"Why?"

She seems to juggle this in her mind for a few moments before responding. "Because, when they blasted the door open you tried to save me. If someone is willing to give their life for you, they must be worth your trust."

I'm about to ask her another question, but the hovercraft shudders as it hits ground. I shoot up in panic, but strong hands wrap around my shoulders. A soldier in full gear sits to my right, having been left to guard Annie, Johanna, and I. The tag on his chest reads _Boggs_.

"We have arrived," he says in a deep stern voice. "We will take you to the medical wing and get you fixed up."

I don't respond. Instead I take Annie's hand in mine and shake Johanna's shoulder.

"What's going on?" she asks looking at me cautiously.

"They're taking us to a hospital wing. Do you know where we are?"

Johanna seems to think about this for a moment, then shakes her head. "No, but these people will take care of us."

I don't ask her how she knows and I don't tell her about my nightmare. I just follow Boggs out of the hovercraft and into a medical ward. We are about to enter, but we are stopped at the entrance. A young soldier with a cap covering his face marches ahead of us. I notice blood trickling from his shoulder as he ducks into the ward. Something in this soldier's walk seems very familiar, but my mind is too exhausted to analyze it. I hear a flurry of words being exchanged, then the sound of a curtain pulling shut. Seconds later we are escorted into the ward. When we enter I notice we are being taken far from the first set of privacy curtains.

Immediately, the hospital floods with medics. Before I can blink, Annie and Johanna are being tended to by three different doctors each. I too am being poked and prodded. A nurse pulls my shirt over my head and cuts my pants free. She then drapes a crisp, white hospital gown over my shoulders. I take in its' clean scent and realize this is the first piece of clean clothing I have worn since before the Quell. I feel someone draw blood from my left arm, while another doctor begins to flash a light in my eyes. The bright light brings me back a blurry memory.

I'm sitting on the roof of the training center, my head resting on someone's stomach. When I look up to the sky the sun is setting, an orange hue mixing with the purples from the night. I feel someone playing with my hair and find a bright blue pair of eyes looking back at me. They are filled with so much love it makes my head hurt.

"_Peeta," _begins a voice in my head._ "Peeta loves you."_

That's when the other more sinister voice makes an appearance._ "No, Katniss. He is a murderer. Peeta is a mutt."_

The calming image of our rooftop rendezvous shifts and morphs until I see Peeta shoving me off the training center roof. I grab onto his shirt as he tries to shake me over the edge. A scream brings me back the present.

I'm prepared to strike, when I spot Annie in a tight embrace with Finnick Odair. Like me, Annie has been stripped of her Capitol rags and wrapped in a sheet. It falls carelessly to the ground and I can't help but laugh. That's when I spot him.

He is leaning against a white wall, his blue eyes locked on mine. For a brief second, I allow myself to get lost in their bright blue depths. Then the rage begins to set in. Peeta is making his way towards me and my bodies fight response is triggered into overdrive. I look around and find a scalpel, which I take in my right hand. I might just get enough time to stab him before he gets me.

"_He is too strong. He will kill you first," _hisses the evil voice inside my head. I feel a scream of horror rip through me as I remember Peeta murdered my family.

Peeta has stopped and a pained look consumes his eyes. "Katniss," he says in a calm tone. "Hey, it's me. It's Peeta."

"_It's only Peeta. He won't hurt you," _says another voice. Images flash before me once again. A loaf of bread, a kiss in a damp cave, a pair of sharp teeth, a blow to the head and finally a dandelion in the spring, the come quickly and echo in my mind. My head hurts as I hear the voices battle it out. I want to curl up into a little ball and cry until they've made their decision, but Peeta is coming towards me again. Ever so gently, his warm hands wrap around my own. His eyes never leaving mine, he unclamps my fingers from the cold scalpel and pulls me into an embrace.

I take in his scent and the warmth that seems to radiate out of every pore. It's funny how I was called the Girl on Fire, while being so cold. Peeta brought fire too.

"_Peeta tried to kill you with fire, Katniss." _The images of the first games are sparked and before I can react, I have my hands wrapped around Peeta's neck.

I squeeze as strong as I can, but the voice was right. Peeta is too strong. Without much force, he pushes my arm to my sides and pins me against the wall. "Katniss, stop this. Look at me! You're safe."

"Get away from me you mutt! You killed Prim. You killed Gale and my mother! You sick bastard!" I yell kicking and flailing.

His grip grows stronger and I find his eyes wet with tears. "No I didn't. They are alive! Listen to me Katniss, I wouldn't do that!"

"Liar!" I shout again. "You tricked me! You told me you loved me! You told me!"

Another pair of arms take hold of my and I'm once again knocked out by the sedatives. The last thing I see are Peeta's lips saying something that I never hear.

**Hope you guys enjoy this chapter. It was really difficult to write. I've stuck to Mockingjay as much as possible, but I'm going to have to change things from here on out. I'm doing this because I have a feeling Peeta would be much more dedicated to Katniss' recovery because he loves her and in Mockingjay Katniss was still fighting her feelings for him. I guess you can say he is going to be much more involved in her therapy. Also things are really different because Katniss has Prim and her mother, while Peeta had no one. Anyways, please read and review. It's finals week for me so I'm not too sure how much I will be able to update, but I'll be taking online summer courses this summer. That means I can update often! Yay!**

**Thanks again, **

**_Cecilia.**


	9. Through the Looking Glass

**Peeta's POV**

Katniss is lying on her hospital bed, her lips trembling from what must be another nightmare. I want so badly to wrap my arms around her, but I am forbidden to be in the same room as her. Instead, I watch her from the two way mirror in the observation room. Her bed is nearly a foot and a half away from the window. Even though it's pointless, I put my hand against the glass and whisper soothing words to her. Her body quakes with sobs and her fingers clench into fists. I watch as she mouths my name and the pain in my chest returns again.

The door to the observation room reopens. I don't need to look up to see that it's Gale. He takes a seat next to mine. He doesn't acknowledge my hand, which is still out stretched against the window.

"Do they know what they did to her?" I ask after what feels like hours.

Gale looks at me sadly and nods. "Johanna says they used Tracker Jacker venom on both of them, but with Katniss they…" He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "They used it to plant false memories of you. They're calling it hijacking. Apparently, the Capitol was going to use her to murder you."

"Lovely," I mumble. "Is there a treatment?"

Gale shakes his head. I'm not surprised. It seems Katniss and I will never be together. Maybe we _were_ always meant to be star crossed lovers.

Gale breaks the silence after another long pause. "You know Peeta, I was talking to Johanna and she says Katniss talked about you all the time. She does love you, we just need to find a way to make her remember."

I know it hurts Gale to say this. He looks away awkwardly and clears his throat. I don't even bother to respond. Even if she didn't love me it wouldn't matter. I would never turn my back on Katniss. I feel the need to verbalize this, but I can't find any words. This has been happening too much lately. "On the day Katniss got hurt in District 12, when she fell off the tree branch I carried her upstairs to her room. Before leaving she asked me to stay with her and I told her I always would."

I don't know why I'm saying this and to Gale of all people. "Yesterday, I asked her to stay with me," I said not embarrassed by the tears falling from my eyes. "And all I could see was how scared she was of me. She honestly thought I was going to kill her."

Gale gazed from me to Katniss lying on the bed. I could feel the blood boiling beneath his calm demeanor. Then he scoffs. "You know what's funny? When you see Katniss like this, your first thought is that you want to help her regain her memories. My first thought is that I want to get revenge on every single person that took part in this."

I nod and look back to Katniss, who seems to have come out of her dream. Gale has always had that passion towards her that I cannot have. My first instinct is to protect Katniss, no matter what is going on around us. Gale's first instinct is to fight. He is ready for the offensive, while I am on the defensive. Polar opposites.

"You are better for her. You know that right?"

I don't respond, although I completely agree.

Gale sighs and begins to leave the room. "Just because she is back, doesn't mean our deal is off. We need to protect her until this whole thing is over."

I look at Gale with an immense amount of respect. "Yes."

"Good," he moves past the door.

It feels like I'm a goofy thirteen year old boy again. I wake up every morning to watch Katniss in the observation room for a while, before heading to the dining facility. I eat a quick breakfast of mush, then go off to the training center. There, I train with Gale and Finnick to prepare for whatever battle may arise. When we have finished training I go back to the observation room for another twenty minutes before showering and going to lunch. After lunch I'm dragged over to Command where we plan more propos. During reflection I go back to Katniss' room and watch as the doctors try to bring her back to me. Prim joins me there for a while and we talk about her progress. I have dinner with the Everdeens and now the Hawthornes. I even pay Johanna, Annie, and Finnick a visit before going to say goodnight to Katniss, although she doesn't know it. I am once again that love sick boy that watched his crush walk home from school every day.

Nearly two weeks after her arrival, the doctors decide to bring in Gale. I'm nervous, but not nearly enough as he is. He shows up at my compartment at six in the morning and asks that I come with him. He doesn't say it, but I know he is scared. We sit down in the observation room and wait until the doctors give him the signal.

When they finally do, I find myself holding my breath. Gale walks in slowly and I watch as Katniss' expression goes form indifferent to shocked. She stands on her feet and walks slowly to him. Gale doesn't move. "Hey Catnip," he mutters.

Katniss doesn't respond. She just walks around him a few times, even poking him in the gut. This makes Gale smile a bit, but her next words wipe the grin off his face.

"He didn't kill you?" she asks in a whisper. Her entire demeanor is immersed in suspicion. Arms crossed, eyes narrowed, and ready for an attack. Her eyes wander around the room and for a moment land on mine. She can't see me, but they still linger.

"No, Katniss. Peeta hasn't killed anyone," replies Gale in a serious tone. Katniss takes her seat on her bed and looks at her feet.

"That's what everyone keeps saying, but I don't believe them," she whispers again. My stomach does a flip, but I remind myself that they are only beginning to rid her mind of the hallucinations.

Gale takes a seat next to her and nudges her arm. "You trust me, right?"

Katniss looks at him again and leans in to smell him. This makes Gale stiffen up, but he recovers quickly and throws his arm around her.

Katniss slaps his arms away and backs up against the wall. "You smell like Gale."

He laughs, pretending her actions didn't bother him. "Is that a good thing?"

"It's an observation. I haven't decided if you are real yet," she mumbles. Katniss takes a step closer and looks fiercely into his gray eyes.

"Ask me any question," reassures Gale. "Ask me something only I would know."

Katniss seems to think about this for a while. "What did we eat the morning of Prim's Reaping?"

Gale thinks about it for a moment, but quickly responds. "Blackberries, goat cheese, and bread from Mellark's."

At the mention of my last name Katniss stiffens up again. She brings her hands to her temples and releases a wretched yell. Gale gently grabs her arms and brings them in front of her.

"Now do you believe it's me?" he asks quietly.

Katniss nods, but continues to fight the demons in her minid.

"I don't get it though. You are supposed to be dead! Peeta killed you!" she shouts.

"Katniss, I'm not dead. The Capitol lied."

"I know you're not dead, but what else were lies? I don't know what is real and what's not real!"

"We can work on it! I promise! Prim, your mom, Peeta-"

Again the sound of my name triggers a strange reaction. At first her eyes turn to pin points, but then dilate to large black orbs. Her hands begin to shake and she grips onto her white sheets. The doctors in the observation room try to rush over to her, but Haymitch blocks the door.

I hadn't even noticed him enter, but I am grateful he is here. I look back through the window and find that Gale has wrapped her in his arms and is rocking her back in forward. "Just relax, okay?"

Katniss doesn't respond, but collapses in a tired heap moments later. "Gale, I'm trying."

Gale looks completely defeated. His gray eyes are not their usual cold stare, instead they are brimming with tears. "I know Catnip. We will make this better."

"Did you mention Prim and my mother? They made it out of District 12?" she whispers into her pillow. Again, she is staring blankly at the two way mirror, exactly where I am sitting.

"Yeah, they made it out alive. They are here in District 13, but we don't think you are ready to see them yet. Other people are here too," he adds awkwardly.

Katniss' eyes go mad a bit and she pulls her legs into her chest. Her body is so tiny and emaciated she looks like a small child. "I don't trust other people. I can't see him yet. I know you say he is good, but I'm not ready yet."

Gale nods and is given a signal to wrap it up. "Okay, you can write down a list of people that may visit you. We will fix you Katniss."

Katniss sniffs in response. She doesn't move when Gale wraps his arms around her. When he is about to reach the doorway she squeaks in the smallest voice. "He watches me doesn't he? I can feel him?"

It takes a moment for Gale to realize she is talking about me. "He does. He cares about you very much."

Katniss' eyebrows knit tightly together and she turns on the bed, hiding her face from our view. When Gale walks back in the room the doctor rushes in and begins her daily treatment. I feel Haymitch shift from foot to foot next to me.

"That wasn't too bad," he grunts. "We can get her back."

Gale is leaning against the doorframe, his eyes on Katniss. "She's in there."

I nod and begin to get up from my seat. "We need to get that list of people. We need to start letting her speak to people she trusts, that way she can regain the truth. In the meantime, I'll wait. Anything she needs. I'm here."

**Katniss POV**

My mind is twisted and knotted. I can't decipher what is real and what's not. Every night I have dreams of fond memories, infected with subtle hints of violence. I wake up in a cold sweat and get out a pen and paper. The doctors tell me is good to write these things down, they can help me see what is real and what is not.

I pretend to listen to them, but really I ignore their responses and wait until Gale or Johanna come see me. Annie is sweet and swings by as much as possible, but she doesn't know much about my life before we met in the Capitol. Not to mention anytime I mention something from the games she goes back to her own world. Sometimes Annie and Finnick come together, but we have realized it's easier for her if he comes alone. My mother and Prim are not allowed to see me yet, but the other day I heard her yell for me when the door opened to allow Gale in. I yelled back and pressed my hands to the glass. For the briefest moment I felt as if she was there, but then it was gone. It has only been four weeks since Gale first visited me, but I'm ready to see my family.

This morning I have a strange nightmare, strange because it is a different kind of fear. I'm wearing my costume for the opening ceremonies during my first games. The dream is a blur, but somewhere in there Peeta gives me the sweetest, most bashful smile I have ever seen. It sends a warm current through my veins and I can feel a smile form on my lips. I give him a kiss on the cheek and an uneasiness consumes me. I'm waiting for the attack, but nothing happens. Instead, I wake with Peeta on my mind and his name on my lips.

A doctor is already in the room, I must have actually slept for most of the night. "Miss Everdeen? Are you alright?"

I scramble for a piece of paper and scratch the details of the dream onto it. "I need to know if this is real," I say urgently.

The woman takes the paper from me and reads my sloppy handwriting. She shakes her head. "I wouldn't know this," she says apologetically.

"Who would?" I ask quickly.

She seems surprised by my renewed vigor and cautiously reviews my list of trusted people. The list is sad and short, with a few lines drawn through it.

I stare at it anxiously, trying to remember who would know.

Prim

Gale

My mother

Madge

Cinna

Haymitch

Johanna

Annie

Finnick

The doctor sighs and sits on the edge of my bed. "There is someone that can tell us, but he is not on your list."

_Peeta_. "Take it to him. He is right outside isn't he?" I say, so quickly that I forget I cannot trust him.

The woman looks around anxiously. She is young and must not have the authority to do this. "Please, I need to know if this is real."

She doesn't reply, instead she walks over to the door way and disappears into the viewing room. I catch a glimpse of a strong pale hand and my body begins to convulse. My hands shake and I feel the usual pressure in my head, but I fight it. I know these are symptoms of Tracker Jacker venom and I will not let it take over. I need to find out what that uneasiness was.

She returns a moment later and hands me the paper. I see my scratchy handwriting and am about to shout in disappointmen, when I notice one simple word written in strong, masculine letters.

_**Real.**_

I stand up and walk towards the two way mirror. _I need more than that. _"Why did you smile at me like that?" I ask the boy. I can only assume he is behind the window pane. "Where you trying to manipulate me?"

There is silence and I lean my forehead against the wall in frustration. "I don't know who else to ask these questions to and I don't trust you yet, but I want to see what you have to say," I whisper.

I walk back to my bed and take the cup of oatmeal that had been brought for me earlier. I'm not hungry, but it is something to do. The doctor comes over and begins to discuss a few other matters with me. They think I'm ready to see my mother and Prim, but they want to work out a few kinks. Just as we are going to play the tapes from the Quell, a buzzer rings.

The woman apologizes and walks out of the room. I sit up anxiously and fidget. When she comes back she has a piece of paper completely covered in Peeta's writing.

"This is for you," she says softly. I take the paper and ask her to leave for a moment.

Peeta has written a complete account about the opening ceremonies, starting from the moment we met up again in the carriage stables. I vaguely remember the details, but his vivid remarks blossom into a beautiful memory. Finally, I get to the part that I was waiting for; the smile.

_**I smiled like that, because you looked even more beautiful than usual. I smiled like that, because I love you. I would never hurt you.**_

I touched the indents of the letters then touched my chest. A small ache had formed itself there. I didn't know if his words were true, but I don't need to trust Peeta. I need to trust myself. I'm strong and smart. I just need to sort out the truth. And right now, my mind and my heart are telling me this memory is true. Peeta's love, might be a wholly of another issue.

I still don't know what that uneasiness was, but I can sort that out later.

"Thank you," I say towards the glass pane. "Can we watch the opening ceremonies again?"

**Hey guys! I'm officially starting my summer courses, but they are all online so I should have plenty of time to write. Maybe even semi-daily! I really liked the end of this chapter. I know it seems that it is moving kind of fast, but I figured it would be too boring to write about everyone of Katniss' days in the hospital. Also I added this whole Peeta twist, because I feel it would be a good therapy for Katniss, without having to actually see Peeta. She doesn't trust him yet, but she might be able to one day.**

**Hope you enjoy, **

**_Cecilia**

**Oh and PLEASE REVIEW!**


	10. Breakfast Buddies

Chapter 10

**Hello everyone! Thank you for all your amazing reviews. As I said before, from here on this story will be AU from the original Mockingjay! Hope you enjoy!**

**Peeta's POV**

I'm in the observation room again, watching Katniss braid Prim's long blonde locks. I can't help, but smile as I watch the two sisters engage in easy banter. Katniss smiles so much around Prim, her mood is contagious. The positive energy is something I have not been able to shake, and for this I'm grateful.

The good vibes started the morning Katniss and I exchanged in our short, non-verbal conversation. Since then I've had a stupid grin plastered to my face during my morning exercises, and even during the solemn propos. Plutarch actually scolded me for looking too giddy in the propos.

I can't bother to care what anyone thinks. Katniss had finally taken a step towards letting me in. Sure it was a small, measly step, but it was progress. My daily routine continues, but everything has more purpose. I'm sure to attend all Command meetings and fulfill my duties, it is all for Katniss. When I finally make it to the observation room, I eagerly await any questions she may have.

So far they have all been pretty easy, but I know this will be short lived. She still seems to believe I'm a mutt, but at least now she is letting me set the story straight. Two days after our encounter, Prim is brought in with Mrs. Everdeen.

Katniss seems distraught at first, but seems to accept them. She runs to Prim and gives her a long embrace, then breaks down in front of her mother. She apologizes for leaving them in District 12 without a goodbye, and then begins to sob restlessly. Mrs. Everdeen holds her in her arms and rocks her to sleep.

It's difficult to watch Katniss in so much pain, but I also know it is all part of her treatment. Prim becomes a regular, visiting Katniss every moment she can. I love seeing the look in Katniss' eyes when she sees her. It is like seeing the same girl from the Seam that walked her sister home every day.

I begin to catalog memories of my own, so when Katniss is ready I can give them to her. I start from the beginning: the first day of school, but I make my way painstakingly to the present. I don't hide things from the catalog, although sometimes I desperately want to. The times she hurt me, the times she picked Gale over me, I write it all down. I even add a few sketches for good measure. When I'm finished I lock the book away, for when the time is right.

President Coin has become more demanding of me. The day after Katniss arrived she ordered me to enter rigorous training like the rest of the soldiers. President Coin also makes Finnick attend, but I have a feeling he would have volunteered if she hadn't made him. Gale, Finnick, and I are part of the same squad under the command of Boggs.

My body is filling out again, and I'm stronger than ever. Gale has even helped me shoot a bow, but I prefer the standard issue gun. Every day I'm working towards the same goal: get Katniss back and make it through this war. If I lose one, I know I've lost the other.

President Coin doesn't seem too happy with my new found spunk. In fact, she is seething. Yesterday's meeting certainly didn't help my case.

Finnick and I were running late for a meeting and by the time we arrived Coin had already began the lecture. "Nice of you to join us," she said through gritted teeth. "I hope this meeting hasn't interfered with any of your plans."

I was about to respond, but Finnick beat me to it. "Actually, Annie needed a break from me anyway. Thank you for your concern," he beamed. Gale snorted, but quickly recovered his soldier demeanor when Coin looked at him angrily.

"As I was saying, we need some better ideas for new propos. We need to continue to build up morale in the remaining districts." Her short hair was perfectly parted down the middle. I wondered how long it took her to get it so flat.

"Why not explain to them what kind of government you want to implement," I suggested. "They might be more willing to fight if they know how things are going to be when this is all over."

At that moment, Haymitch and I locked eyes. It may have only been for a second, but I could tell something was wrong.

President Coin pursed her lips and nodded. "That is a suggestion, but-"

"I think it is perfect!" squealed Plutarch. "What better way to solidify our movement, then to present our proposed government!"

I wanted to agree, but Haymitch was still glaring at me. Finnick hooted in support, along with the rest of the table.

"Fine then, get on with it. Mr. Mellark, you truly_ can_ move a crowd," snapped Coin before disappearing out of Command.

I didn't bother responding. Instead, I followed Haymitch down the hall and towards his living quarters. He led me into his room and promptly shut the door behind us. "You've got a big mouth boy!" he said. "Haven't you caught on?"

"No, I haven't. You and Katniss were the ones that could communicate telepathically. _I_ always needed to be told," I reminded. "What's going on?"

"Coin is upset. She thinks you are going to turn people against her," replied Haymitch. I noticed how much his hands were shaking, which means he could really use a drink.

"That's stupid. I'm only reiterating what she has said before. It's not like I am proposing a Republic. That was her idea!"

Haymitch rubbed his head in frustration. "Yeah, that is what she told the rebels. I just don't think she expected to have to go through with it."

I took a moment to let this sink in. I never trusted Coin, but this information makes her seem as bad as Snow. She wants power, but she needs to play the rebels in order to get it. "And if we film this propo, she has a promise to keep," I said quietly.

"Exactly," said Haymitch.

"She doesn't think she can win an election fair and square?" I ask, although I already know the answer.

"Nope, not to mention she has some stiff competition."

"Who would that be? Paylor?" I didn't know of any other rebel leaders that had stood out.

Haymitch laughed. "You Peeta! Coin thinks _you_ might step right in and take her victory."

Haymitch's words had stayed with me since, but they couldn't be more preposterous. I don't want a presidency. I just want peace. I want Katniss to be safe. I want District 12 to be rebuilt. I want this bloody war over. I just want a fresh start.

Just then, Prim comes out of the observation room and takes my hand. "Oh Peeta, she is doing so much better!" she squeaks. "I think we are making amazing progress!"

I walk her to the Everdeen quarters, like I do every night. "I think we are too! Katniss is strong; she will make it past this."

Prim smiles and waves me off. When I make it to my sleeping quarters, I can help but think about Coin. If she thinks I am a threat, will she be willing to take me out? I wonder if she is just as ruthless as President Snow.

I try to shove the bad thoughts out of my mind, but I can't seem to shake the feeling that I'm in a very dangerous situation. I decide to sit at my desk and sketch out a happy memory. I fall asleep just as I finish a sketch of a dandelion.

The next morning, I make my way to the observation room. On a whim, I decide to give the picture of the dandelion to the nurse. She smiled and took it in with her just as Katniss was waking up. I'm too busy talking to a doctor to see it happen, but I hear the shout right away.

"I need to see him! Now! Let him in!" I haven't heard Katniss sound this upset, since her arrival. "I have a question, but I need to see if he is telling the truth!"

**Katniss' POV**

It has been a few days since my encounter with Peeta. Every morning, I wake up with more questions. I write them down quickly and hand the note to a nurse or doctor. A few moments later, I'm delivered a lengthy response, written in careful writing.

My mother and Prim were brought to visit a few days ago and I haven't been happier. They are really alive. Peeta didn't kill them, which only confuses me more.

I feel like I am gaining a better understanding of whom I was before the Capitol messed with my head, but sometimes it gets to be too much.

This is where Peeta comes in. I try to keep the questions simple. What did we eat inside the cave? What color were Rue's eyes?

I stay away from the harder questions that involve Mutt-Peeta. These scare me the most, because I cannot tell if he would tell me the truth. What if he is using these notes to draw me out of my safety? I don't want to think about it. It is tiresome work, but it needs to be done.

This morning, a sketch is brought to me the second I wake up. It is a simple black and white shading of a dandelion. My mind is jolted back to another time, a time before the games. I remember seeing Peeta, at school. For some reason, I can't stop staring at him. A sense of gratefulness fills my heart and I look down to see a dandelion.

The image is gone as quickly as it came and I find myself weak with tears. "I need to see him!" I shout loudly. "Now! Let him in! I have a question, but I need to see if he is telling the truth!"

The woman doctor, that was in my room the first time Peeta and I exchanged notes, runs in with a crew of nurses. "Miss Everdeen, I don't know if you are ready." Her tone is calm, but I can hear the tinge of worry.

"I am," I reply, trying to regain control of my voice. "Strap me down if you want, but I need to see his face."

She is about to speak, when shouting breaks out in the next room. I can hear Haymitch's voice, along with another strong voice from my memories. _Peeta_. The observation room door flings open and Haymitch walks in.

"Are you sure about this, Sweetheart?" asks Haymitch without breaking eye contact.

I shake my head sternly. "I need to see if he is telling the truth. I need to see it in his eyes."

"You heard her," he shouts to the glass. "Bring the boy in."

The nurses strap me down to the bed and prepare a needle just in case. When I'm tied in, they leave the room. I'm only left alone for a few minutes before he walks in.

His eyes are blue and bright. The blonde shaggy hair from my memories is gone, replaced by a short cropped cut that is slightly longer on the top. He looks stronger than ever. "_And more menacing," _hisses voice in my head. I hold my hand out, asking him to stop.

"Give me a moment to sort them out," I say to him. He nods and I close my eyes to control the two voices battling out in my head.

"_He just looks healthy," says a softer voice. "He looked like this before the games. Remember?"_

An image of a strong boy, lifting heavy bags of flour comes into mind.

"_He was a career," hisses the other voice. "He was trained to kill you from the start!"_

There were no careers from District 12. This seems to shut both voices up and I open my eyes to find Peeta in the same place. He looks at me with pained eyes and runs his hands through his hair. My own fingers twitch, wanting to feel his blonde locks between them. Not in an act of violence, but in a kind gesture. I wonder if that is something I did often, I only remember being like that towards Prim.

"Are you alright?" I ask when he hasn't removed his hands from his eyes. His fingers part and he sees me, a smirk forming on his face. I wait for the smirk to turn into a grimace, but it remains sweet.

"I should be asking you that," he laughs quietly. "I'm fine. You had a question?"

I nod, but am too entranced by him to form coherent sentences. "Can you come closer? I want to take a look at you?"

He concedes and takes a few steps forward, near enough for me to touch him if my hands weren't strapped to the bed. I admire his strong jaw and golden eye lashes. "I used to look at those when you were drawing, real or not real?"

Peeta smiles brightly. "Real, but you tried not to let me catch you doing it," he replies giddily. I find myself smiling with him for a moment, before my suspicions take over again.

"You tried to hurt me that day? When you were drawing in the plant book? You tried to choke me?" I feel my hands start to shake, but am surprised when Peeta puts his hands over them

"No, I didn't I would never hurt you," he replies urgently. "I love you."

The phrase sends a bizarre mixture of rage and curiosity through my veins. "It was all for the games," I say through gritted teeth. The rage threatens to take over, but I beckon for it to subside.

Peeta gets really quiet and looks down. "Four you it was," he mumbles. "At least it was during the first games. The Quell seemed different."

"For you, it was real the whole time?" he nods and a beautiful blush flushes his cheeks.

"It has been since we were five. Do you remember when I told you?" he asks, releasing one of my hands.

"I've seen the tapes," I respond, feeling my free hand crumple into a fist. "Why did you send me this?" I nod towards the scrap of paper that had been thrown on the nightstand.

Peeta looks at the dandelion, and then shrugs. "I saw you pick on once, a long time ago. I thought you would like it, but I didn't mean to upset you."

Another image flashes in my mind. Rain, a pain in my gut, and Peeta throwing me a loaf of burned bread. "The bread," I mutter to myself.

Peeta catches my eye and nods. "You remember that day?"

"Vaguely, I remember feeling that I owed you. You saved me that day," I whisper.

Peeta shrugs. "I think we can stop keeping count of who saved who. I mean we've put our lives endanger so many times to protect each other…"

"What?" I interrupt.

"I think we can stop keeping count-" says Peeta slowly.

"No the second part," I snap.

Peeta looks at me strangely, but repeats the words slowly. "We've put our lives endanger so many times to protect each other, I figure we are even."

I think of Annie's words when we were on the hovercraft that brought us here. _If someone is willing to give their life for you, they must be worth your trust._

"Katniss are you okay?" asks Peeta. I snap out of my reverie and nod.

"Something is telling me to trust you, but I can't be sure," I respond softly. "Can you come back to see me again? I have lots of questions."

Peeta looks shocked, but agrees quickly. "Of course, I want to help you. I just want you back," he says happily.

I force myself to smile and turn my head towards the glass. "He can be added to the list, but I want to be strapped in every time!"

Peeta looks like a child who has just been given a cookie. Part of me thinks he looks like a boy in love, but I push that thought out of my head. I need to focus on seeing him as a person, not a mutt. Anything else will come later.

My stomach lets out a growl and I realize I haven't had my breakfast yet. Peeta smiles and gets up to leave. For some reason this angers me. "Where are you going?" I yell.

Peeta looks flustered, but walks back towards my bed. "I thought we were done. Don't you want your food?"

"Of course I want food, but I have more questions," I say harshly.

Peeta looks back to the glass then takes his seat near my bed again. "Can I eat with you?" he says hesitantly.

"That's fine, but don't think this is going to happen all the time. I just need to ask you a few things face to face," I say sternly.

Peeta smiles and helps a nurse with two trays of food. Before the nurse leaves, she adds his name on my list. This makes Peeta really happy, and some part of me is also happy to see him smile.

**Yay! Another happy ending! The next chapter will be on Katniss going back into training and Peeta going to District 2. If you liked this chapter please REVIEW! I got my wisdom teeth taken out today, which means I'm on bed rest. The good thing is that I'm able to write more often!**

**Thanks for all your support,**

**Cecilia**


	11. A little Speck of Something

Chapter 11

**Sorry, I haven't updated! I kind of hit a slump and didn't feel like writing anything….. Yeah I know super lame, but I'm back! Oh and disclaimer: I probably have a lot of grammatical errors. I just really wanted to post this thing asap!**

**Anyways here is this chapter! Hope you like it.**

Katniss POV

Peeta's hand is tantalizingly close to mine again. I don't think he has noticed, but the voices in my head certainly do.

"_Don't let him near you Katniss," _hisses the eviler of the two._ "He'll kill you when he gets the chance."_

The other chimes in before the first can continue._ "You are fine. Don't be an idiot. You and Peeta used to sleep in the same bed. He could have killed you then." _Did we really? I beckon my mind to show me any evidence, but none come.

"Did we ever sleep in the same bed?" I ask suddenly. Peeta's eyes shoot up at me from his chair across the table. I must have startled him, because he drops the pencil he had in his hand.

"Uh, um, yeah we did," he says awkwardly. I notice his face has grown impossibly red. "A lot of times actually."

By his shaky voice and stutter, my mind begins to wander. Were Peeta and I intimate? The Capitol surely would have used that against me. Wouldn't they?

Gathering all my courage I ask him. His eyes dart around the room landing, everywhere but on mine. "No. We were never like that."

I'm relieved, but a small part of me is screaming with sadness. This angers me and I scour my mind for another subject. It has been three weeks since I've allowed Peeta to come see me, but I have to watch out for triggers.

I wonder if he notices the way my hands have tightened into fists. Just in case he hasn't, I pull them onto my lap. Before I can latch onto another thought, Peeta speaks.

"They didn't, you know- tell you we did anything," he stutters. "Right?"

I shake my head. "Can we change the subject? It's upsetting me."

"Yeah, sure. What else did you want to talk about?" he asks quickly.

A brief image flashes before my eyes. A sunset. I get this image a lot, so I figure it must have meant something. "Was there something important about a sunset?"

Peeta's blue eyes check out for a moment. I assume they have gone to the part of his mind that stores all his memories. "There can be two parts to that. I told you my favorite color is orange like the sunset."

I close my eyes and picture the dreamy hue. It really _is_ a beautiful color. When I open them, I see Peeta is staring at my lips. Self consciously I tuck them into my mouth. This snaps him out of it. "Then there was the day before the Quell. I woke you up to watch the sunset on the roof," he adds.

A blurry image of his hands in my hair flushes into my mind. The monster inside me tells me he was trying to kill me, but I _do_ recognize it's the monster and not reality. I vaguely remember a large picnic and a rosy sunset. "Oh, that time!" I say without thinking. "You asked to freeze the moment, real or not real?"

"Kind of real," he says suspiciously. "I didn't _really_ ask permission. You just granted it to me. I planned to keep it either way."

I shoot him a scowl, but I only get rewarded with a laugh. "Adorable," he mutters.

"You think I'm adorable when I'm angry?" I snap.

Peeta laughs even louder. "Yeah! I mean I know you are deadly, but not towards people you love."

The final word throws me off and I notice Peeta has bit down on his lip. Again his eyes dart nervously around the room. The question is on my lips, but I'm not sure if I should ask it. Annie tells me it is better to get it over with. The more she prolongs a question, the more her mind makes up stories to fill in the blanks.

Everyone has cautiously avoided the topic of our relationship like the plague. Johanna is the only one that addresses it head on. _"Of course you loved him, dumbass! I only had to hear you whine about it all the freaking time!"_

I wrote of her comments, but slowly I've begun to think she was telling the truth. There are a lot of memories of Peeta from before the games, but they are different. Instead of seeing his face up close, I spot him from afar. Sometimes he is lifting bags of flour at the train station. Other times he is frosting a cake through a display window. Then there is the incident with the dandelion that Peeta explained a few weeks ago. There are several others, but I don't bother bringing them up. What am I supposed to say? _Hey Peeta, did I have a minor obsession of you before the games?_ I'm sure that would blow over nicely. Although part of me thinks it would go just fine. Peeta seemed perfectly fine discussing his infatuation during the games. He even occasionally brings it up now.

I know I'm supposed to be much more open about this, but I can't help it. I've always been closed off with my feelings. I don't even tell everything to Prim, my sister and my closest friend. I keep things to myself, because it is easier. The less everyone else knows, the less they have to torture me with.

_Torture_, just like the ploys used on me by the Capitol. Johanna understands what I mean. We started to care for each other much more during our stay in the cells. Our friendship blossomed out of mutual need and Snow exploited it. I still apologize to her every time I see her, which is quite often. She tells me to forget about it. She says she would have done it all over again. Maybe I need to ask. By asking I'm rebelling against the very mannerisms the Capitol bestowed upon me.

"So, did I love you?" I ask feigning indifference.

Peeta groans into his hands. "You're killing me today Katniss!"

I try not to, but his embarrassment causes me to smirk. I know it's probably the monster in me, but it's nice to see him squirm a bit. Suddenly I realize I'm acting like a goofy teenager girl. _The goofy teenage girl I've never had a chance to be. _This idea both saddens me and makes me giddy.

I'm still thinking about this when Peeta bravely takes my hands into his. I must look shocked because he quickly mutters an apology, but his hands do not let go of mine. "Do me a favor?" he says looking at strangely. "Look into my eyes."

"What?" I begin.

"Just do it, please."

Awkwardly, I lean forward and blink a few times before looking up. I don't know what I'm supposed to see, but for a moment I get lost in their complexity. They are a piercing blue with icy starburst and flecks of gray. As usual, memories come flooding back, but there are too many for me to take them in. I look past them and once again look into his eyes. All I see is love.

My heart warms up and I struggle to catch my breath. After a few moments he breaks out gaze. "What was that for?" I ask too harshly.

Peeta sighs. "I'm still trying to figure out whether or not you loved me. There was one time that you said it, but it was on television. I think it was real, but I'm not sure. I don't want to tell you something that might not be true. _You_ need to decide whether you loved me or not."

I gather my lower lip to one side of my mouth and begin to chew on it. Peeta is right. I need to make this decision on my own. And part of me knows I already have, but I can't be too sure. Love was never my specialty. "I do feel something, a little speck of something. I feel it grow more every time I see you."

"How about when you see other people? Prim? Gale?" I can tell it hurts him to ask this.

"I know I love Prim. That kind of love comes easily. I love Gale in the same way I do her. I feel a lot of guilt towards him. Guilt because I love him like Prim." The words are coming out too fast and I can't be bothered to make sense of them. "Sometimes I think it would be easier if I loved him like that. I mean my mind is trained to hate you and he was always there, but there is this …._thing_! And it tells me that loving Gale is all wrong!"

My hands are shaking now, but I can't stop my mouth from moving. "There is this one memory I have, of me and this guard at the Capitol. I'm begging him to kill me before they can take _my_ Peeta away. _My _Peeta, like he is different from the one the Capitol gives me. All I can think is how important you must have been to me if I was willing to die just to keep a memory of you."

Tears burn behind my eyes. I'm angry and tired and I just want all the things that were stolen from me back. My father, my childhood, the Capitol even took my mind away from me. I have to stitch myself together out of these ratty scraps left behind.

In an instant, Peeta's arms are wrapped around me tightly. The monster growls, but I tell it to shut up. His arms feel nice and my stiff body relaxes into the embrace. My sobs are still wracking through me, but they are much less painful.

"We don't need to figure it out now. We can figure it out later. In fact, we don't have to figure it out. If you don't want to, we can start fresh. I can forget everything with you too." His words are desperate, but everyone of them is true.

I also can't help, but notice how he implies we will go through it together. I can sense the long engraved rejection swelling up in me, but it is stifled by hope. "Ok," I croak.

I don't know to what exactly I'm responding, but that's okay. We can figure it together.

**Peeta POV**

Coin is sitting in her large chair at the end of the conference table. Her beady eyes stare me down as I walk in. I can't help, but return the glare. I think it looks intimidating, that is until Finnick makes me trip over my own chair.

"Seriously?" I mumble. Finnick turn around and gives me a sneaky grin. My head is still swirling from the conversation Katniss and I had the day before. The only thing I can take from that conversation is that we are making progress. Towards what I don't know, but who really cares?

"You can't blame me Mellark," he says coolly, "I'm just in a good mood."

I'm sure he is. Annie and Finnick have been inseparable since they arrived a few weeks earlier. Gale told me he even walked in on a "friendly" encounter over the sink one morning when he went to pick Finnick up for training.

"I've heard. How is Annie doing?" I ask, while looking through the manila folder lying in front of me. It seems to hold some new brief, but I decide to let Coin explain it to me.

"Better than ever," he beams. "I haven't seen much of you since Katniss decided to let you see her. Not that I blame you."

The doctors told me her treatment has been working, and our pseudo therapy seems to be helping too. After yesterday I am a firm believer. Sure, she still has her attacks, but it is never hard for me to overtake Katniss. Especially now, when her body has lost its muscle mass from before the Quell.

Coin pulls me from my throats by coughing loudly. I can practically hear Finnick's eyeballs rolling. "As most of you know, nearly all of Panem is at war with the Capitol," she says in her usual tight tone. Finnick picks up his manila folder and places it atop his head, mimicking Coin's tidy hair. I resist the urge to laugh, because the last thing I want is her attention on me.

"However, the rebels in District 2 are struggling to gain any ground. Considering that district provides protection to the Capitol, it is of upmost importance that we overtake it. Mr. Odair, would you please focus!"

Finnick drops his hands, letting the folder drape unceremoniously off his head. "Sorry your majesty," he mutters under his breath.

Coin pretends not to hear him. "That being said, we will be sending a team of soldiers there tomorrow to gain support. Soldier Mellark, we will need you to make a speech to rally up troops."

My head snaps up at the sound of my name. "Me?"

It is Coin's turn to roll her eyes. "Yes Peeta, I mean you. You are the Mockingjay, or I don't suppose you have forgotten our deal?"

Oh yeah, the deal I made to save Katniss. What she is really trying to say is that her being here does not guarantee her safety. I want to tell her that Katniss is too early in recovery for me to leave, but I realize I have no choice.

I'm about to speak, when Gale interrupts. "Can I volunteer to go instead of Mellark?" he asks to everyone's surprise.

Gale and I are getting along just fine, but I didn't expect him to volunteer for me. I'm not sure where his feelings lie with Katniss and I'm not sure I want to know. Coin shifts her gaze over to Gale, who is wearing full combat gear. "You are already going Solider Hawthorne. Anyhow you are not the rebel icon."

Gale is about to retort, but Coin cuts him off. "My decision is final."

Gale shoots me an apologetic look from across the room, but I wave him off. This was bound to happen sometime. Coin ignores the tension in the room and continues with her brief, which seems to drone on for hours.

I spend the time wallowing in misery. I don't know how I'm going to break the news to Katniss. Our relationship teeters on such a careful balance. I feel any little change can push it into the abyss. This is especially true after yesterday's conversation. Did I not just promise to stay with her every step of the way?

The meeting ends an hour later and I am given the rest of the day to prepare for my departure. Without need of instruction, my body leads me in a trancelike state to Katniss' hospital room. For a few minutes I stand behind the two way mirror watching her. She is sitting upright in her bed, looking at one of the pictures I drew of Prim with Lady, our dinner sitting untouched next to her.

I open the door and walk in as stealthily as possible. I'm impressed with myself when I make it to the chair without earning a look my way. Leaning forward I tap her hand.

Katniss doesn't budge. "You really think I didn't see you? Come on Peeta, I'm a hunter. I heard you form the hall."

The sadness I had been carrying the last couple of hours dissipates almost instantly. "I guess I still walk loudly, don't I?" I tease.

Her eyes wander around the room, obviously trying to recall the memory.

"First games," I say. "We were walking through the forest looking for food. It was just before the final battle."

"Oh," she laughs darkly. "I remember. You _were_ really loud. I'm surprised we caught anything to eat."

I touch my heart in mock hurt and drape my hand dramatically over my forehead. Katniss smiles devilishly, but does look apologetic.

We have a pleasant meal, talking about some memories Katniss needed to clarify from our childhood. She asks me what the bakery looked like and the color of my oldest brother's eyes. It feels good to talk about my family so I tell her a story about my middle brother Jake.

He had snuck his girlfriend into his bedroom one night and I decided to pull a prank on him. My oldest brother, Samuel and I decided to pull a prank on him for being such a pain earlier that day. Just as we heard the window shut, we started clapping and hooting outside his door. Jake came out a few seconds later. His hair was a complete mess and he was covering his crotch with a pillow. Katniss finds the story hilarious. Her laugh is so loud, one of the nurses comes in to shush us.

I'm grinning like an idiot again, but Katniss doesn't seem to notice. "I can just imagine your brother standing with the pillow over him," she snorts.

"Please don't picture him like that. I'm going to have to beat him up next time I see him." The words have left my mouth before I could edit them. I'm completely horrified, but Katniss only shrugs.

After a pregnant pause she speaks up. "I always thought you were the most handsome of the three."

The comment catches me completely off guard and I can't hide the blush that spreads like wildfire. "I didn't think you were looking."

"I didn't either," she responds in a barely audible whisper. "I guess I always was. I have a lot of memories of you from afar. The Capitol didn't seem to touch those."

My heart swells twice its size and I swear it is about to jump out of my chest. I always dreamed that she had noticed me. I feel slightly less like a creepy stalker. The moment is happy, but I know I need to tell her the truth. I only had a few minutes left before I would be asked to leave.

"Katniss, I'm going to be gone for a few days," I say softly. She takes in a deep breath and looks back at her plate.

"Where are you going?" she asks indifferently. The careful façade I had only just broken returns with a vengeance. I can't read her at all.

"District two. The rebels need to be rallied and Coin wants her back up Mockingjay to make an appearance," I say avoiding her eyes.

Katniss shrugs and mindlessly stares at her plate. Very slowly, I reach out and touch her hand. She manages to muster her most vicious glare, but squeezes my hand back.

I give her the goofiest smile I have managing a small smile, but her eyes sober quickly. "I don't think I want you to go yet. What if I forget again?"

I seriously consider running to Coin's room and telling her to go to hell. I wonder how quickly Prim and Mrs. Everdeen could be ready. Gale and his family cold run with us. Hell, Annie and Finnick could come too. Haymitch and Johanna can tag along like two feral cats.

Several scenarios run through my head, but I'm not a coward. I will see my Mockingjay duties through. I know Coin wouldn't have any of it. Katniss is still staring at me and I will myself to return her gaze.

"You won't forget," I say sternly. "I will call the hospital every night to check in with you. If you have any questions, I can answer them then."

Katniss grabs onto my right shoulder in a vice grip. "Promise me."

My stomach is doing flips, but I look deep into her eyes. "I promise."

She holds my stare until the nurse comes in to tell us our time is up. I want to say those three words I haven't said in so long, but I don't know how Katniss would react to them.

Instead, I give her an agonizingly tender kiss on the forehead. Careful not to look at her, I turn and bolt out of the room.

**DONE! I really hope Katniss wasn't too out of character. I figure part of her recovery would be letting go of her harsh demeanor. At least I think she would have to with Peeta. Anyways hope you enjoy the chapter and I will try to update soon. I'm going to go home to San Diego for a weekend, but I'll be back to posting regularly. **

**PLEASE REVIEW!**

**_Cecilia**


	12. Get Yourself Back Home

**Hello everyone! Here is chapter 12. Sorry for the delay, I was in San Diego last week and I didn't really want to spend time on the computer. I'm back in Florida now so hopefully I can update more often. The next chapter will be about Peeta's recovery and Katniss' training. It will definitely have a few major Everlark moments! I already have the last chapter written! I figure I will make it up to 15 by the end of the story. Enjoy :]**

**Peeta's POV**

The sound of gunfire still echo through the streets of District 2 when I make my way back to headquarters. The attack hasn't officially started, but the bloodshed has been around for days. I hate it. People are dying left and right, but we cannot stop long enough to see we are all on the same side. I want to go home.

I mean this in a metaphysical sense. There is no home to go back to. District 12 is gone and District 13 is a gopher maze of misery for me. I can't even imagine how it must feel like for Katniss who couldn't even stand going through a tunnel during our train rides. At least District 2 is an open expanse complete with its own forest. The air is fresh and I can't stop myself from greedily swallowing up big gulps. If only Katniss could be here, she would love to escape into the woods.

Part of me thinks we might have to. If this war doesn't turn out in our favor, we will need to run. I've thought about mentioning to Gale, but I'm afraid he is in too deep with the rebels. He has a thirst for this rebellion and although I know he would not report me, he definitely wouldn't make things easier. I'll just have to figure it out on my own. The longer my friends and I stay in District 13, the more I feel Coin breathing down my neck. Snow is one thing, he won't be around for much longer, but I can't shake the feeling that Coin is just as bad.

The meeting I was just released from further assures my theory. Coin approved Gale's bloody plan to take down "the Nut". Innocent people and our enemies are both shelled up in there, but I seem to take collateral damage much more seriously than the rest of the rebels.

Gale says it is necessary. I think it is immoral.

He didn't even bother talking to me after the meeting. We both know there is no point in arguing. I have no pull with the rebels, despite being their Mockingjay. Coin calls the shots, the rebels execute. It does not slip my attention that she seems to be running this whole thing from inside her safe little bunker. Has no one noticed how she uses everyone like toy soldiers? Coin has never once left District 13 to fight for the rebellion. She just sits at her desk with her neat little hair, pointing fingers.

I make my way to the communication headquarters, my mind still tangled in a knot of frustration. The network operator is waiting for me with a small smile on his lips.

"Soldier Mellark, you are late. There is someone for you on line two." His eyes grow wider as a smile manages to break through the chaos in my head.

"Thank you." I make myself slow down as I take the phone into the private corridor outside the office. This is the first time Katniss calls me on her own; I usually call her before going to bed.

I take a few breaths before speaking into the small device. "Hello?"

"Peeta?" Her voice is shaky and it throws my mind into a panic. _Has something happened?_ "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, are you? You sound scared." I will my voice to be steady. _Has Coin already done something?_

Katniss snaps back quicker than I thought possible. "I'm _not_ scared! You didn't call me on time. I just thought…"

Her concern makes me smile. Her brusque tone and proud attitude mean progress. Katniss is coming back. I decide not to nag her so I let her defensiveness slide. "I'm sorry. We had a meeting and I only just got out. How has your day been?"

She ignores my question. "The attack is tomorrow isn't it?"

"What makes you think that?" I ask.

I can imagine her shrugging coolly on the other side of the country. "Just a thought," she sighs. "Everyone is worked up around here and you being late only confirms it. So what's the plan?"

I want desperately to tell her, but I'm afraid to upset her. Katniss wouldn't agree with it. The risk of killing innocent civilians is too high for her taste. The thought of all of the families in the Nut tucking their children in for bed without knowing what is coming tomorrow, it disgusts me. It is enough to make anyone go mad and the last thing I want to do is tell Katniss. She has seen too much already. Maybe I can tell Haymitch, although I think he might already know.

"That bad?" asks Katniss. I must have taken too long to respond.

"Yeah," I allow myself to admit, "It's pretty bad."

There is silence on both of our ends. I'm busy trying to ease my guilt about tomorrow, but I don't try to assume what Katniss is thinking. We are both a wreck at only just seventeen.

Her steady breathing is the only thing that lets me know she is still there. "It's going to be okay," I say to the both of us. "The good news is I will be back soon. How are things over there? I heard Prim is starting to study to be a doctor."

This seems to pull Katniss out of her depression. "She is. They just told her yesterday. I wish you would have been here to see it. She squealed like a little girl for an hour. It was kind of funny."

I imagine Prim jumping up and down with joy, smiling brightly. "I'm so proud of her. You have an amazing sister Katniss."

"I know. If only all the Everdeens were as perfect as Prim. She really likes you. We talk about you all the time." Her voice is quiet, but I can sense her nervousness.

Of course I want to know why I'm a frequent topic of conversation, but I don't want Katniss to clam up. "I like her too. And I disagree with you, I think all the Everdeens are as perfect as Prim. You are all perfect, but in different ways."

Katniss laughs. "Aren't you a charming? No wonder everyone likes you better than me."

I want to point out that _I_ like her more than me, but I feel that is too forward. I'll just have to save it for another time. "That's not true. Haymitch likes you better than me."

"Wonderful," she says sarcastically. "You have all of Panem and I get Haymitch. We are definitely even."

"Where are you learning sarcasm from? Have you been hanging around Johanna too much?" I tease.

I can hear Katniss' smile from across the wire and it warms me up. "There is no one else to hang out with. Someone decided to take a trip to District 2 and the Odair clan is too sickening to be around."

It's my turn to laugh as I try to picture Annie and Finnick driving everyone up that wall. "They are pretty sappy. I have a feeling they will be getting married soon."

"I've never been to a wedding," says Katniss thoughtfully. "I wonder if District 4 celebrates the same as District 12."

Finnick and I had talked about traditions from our districts during the bombing of District 13. District 4 celebrates full moons with bonfires, while we barely had a holiday once a year. We never got around to talking about weddings. At the time I think it would have been too painful to wish for such things. Now Finnick might get to experience it firsthand.

Before I can respond, the operator walks out into the hallway. "Mr. Mellark, your time is up."

"Can I get just one more minute? I need to say goodbye?" The man gives me a knowing smile and nods.

When I'm left alone, Katniss speaks up. "You have to go?"

I try to ignore that sinking feeling in my gut. "Yeah, but I will call you tomorrow. I promise."

Katniss exhales steadily. "Tomorrow, as soon as you can. I don't care what time it is when you make it back. I'll tell the doctors to wake me up."

I don't know if it is the pain in her voice, or the tightness in my chest, but I decide to say it. "Katniss, I know you don't know how you feel yet, but I wanted you to know just in case. I love you."

I hold my breath until she responds. "I miss you Peeta. I want you to come back."

Her response is better than I had hoped. "I miss you too and I'll be on the next hovercraft once everything here is done."

"Okay," she says quietly. "Be safe."

I hear her sniff once before the line goes dead. My heart is heavy and strong all at once. I let my body slide down the wall until I hit the floor, still holding the receiver to my ear. _Katniss misses me. I need to get back home_.

I fall asleep listening to the dial tone.

**Katniss' POV**

I hang up the phone before I can do anything stupid. The nurse, which had been sitting in the observation room, walks in and takes the phone.

"Are you alright?"I know she means well, but I just glare at her until she leaves.

When I'm finally left alone, the feelings sink in. There are a few things I need to sort out.

First being my feelings for Peeta. I don't even know where to start. Not because they are the most important, but at least they are the something I can manage. A third of the time I want to kill him. One third of the time I want to kiss him. The last third I just want to be get to know him again. The latter two dominate, but every once in a while I see red and the only cure is his blood on my hands. These moments are hard to get past, but I try. So far I've been pretty good at sorting out the hijacked memories from the real ones, but I'm in no way recovered.

Despite the incessant need to wrap my fingers around his throat, I like Peeta. In the midst of all of the anger, there is a feeling of security. I get this overwhelming feeling that Peeta is on the same team as me. He would protect me at all costs. I just need to keep this in mind every time I go mutt-Katniss on him.

Lastly, there is that lust I have for him. There is no point in denying it, that weird tingly sensation that appears when he grazes my hand, its lust. And it is completely infuriating! I don't know if it was around before my time at the Capitol or if it is completely new. Johanna doesn't seem to know, but Finnick says it was present. He even made me watch the gooey kiss on the beach, along with his moment by moment commentary. Needless to say, it wasn't very pleasant.

I recognize all of my feelings, but I don't like them. I've grown attached to Peeta, which is in direct violation of the principle Katniss rule: Don't get attached. I am the reigning queen of detachment, but I'm pitifully losing this battle. Is it even worth fighting it? Obviously, Old-Katniss fought the feeling, but it ate her up. At least, that is what Johanna tells me.

"I thought you would be less stubborn this time around. I'm sadly disappointed," she says.

I guess the only solution to the Peeta problem is to let it be. Let the feelings fester in me and eventually they will work themselves out. At least, that is what I hope will happen. I don't know if I can handle any more emotional antics right now. Still, I can't help but feel a warmth rush through me when I repeat the last conversation we had in my head.

This brings me to my next item, this war. The conversation I just had with Peeta only confirms my suspicions. It is not all shiny and perfect, like the people of District 13 say it is. Finnick relays a lot of information to me in hushed tones when the nurses aren't looking. Johanna knows nothing. She has been allowed to leave the hospital, but has been left in the care of my mother who lives with Prim in the compartment next to Johanna's. Everyone has been told not to speak of the war with her, because she is still emotionally unstable.

"Don't they know that you've always been emotionally unstable?" I ask her one day. I got a cup of tea thrown at me, which only proved my point.

The only people with extensive knowledge on the war willing to talk are Peeta, Beetee, and Haymitch. Peeta is currently in two and Beetee is held up in the weapons department, which is a fortress within itself. I've been given a special pass to see him twice, but the last time I ran into a minor snag. He was letting me play with my new bow, when a guard came up behind me to escort me back. In a knee jerk reaction, I aimed the bow at his heart. I haven't been allowed since.

Haymitch has been my only hope these last few days. The more he tells me about Coin, the less I like her. I know Peeta doesn't like her either, but I try not to formulate my opinions based off of Peeta's knowledge. I guess the serum hasn't fully worn off yet. I see her picture all around District 13. Since my meetings with Peeta, the doctors have given me small passes to visit different areas, like the weapons department. I can't help but notice her framed picture in nearly every room. It makes me uneasy. As if she is watching me.

Haymitch says she is a power hungry woman, but she has all of the rebels in her back pocket. I don't know how much of this is true, but Haymitch and I think alike. If he doesn't like her, I probably won't either.

Finnick told me Peeta made a deal with Coin before I was saved from the Capitol. If she saved me, he would take my place as the Mockingjay. That means he has to fulfill certain duties in order to hold his end of the bargain. Finnick says it was all fine, until she implied that if Peeta didn't uphold his end of the bargain something might happen to me.

This tactic is all too familiar to me. Snow has used it so many times. Snow. Coin. Coin and Snow. Why can't I shake the feeling that they are too close similar?

All I know now is that Coin is not to be trusted.

By the time I snap out of my mad thought process I'm exhausted. I try to close my eyes, but there is this nagging feeling that something is missing. Annoyed, I realize what it is.

I grumble as I reach into the nightstand drawer and pull out the crinkled scrap of paper. I can't even see the gray lines in the dark, but knowing the dandelion is still there chases my anxiety away.

The next day, Johanna comes over with great news. "I got permission to take you to my compartment. I figured we could hang out to pass the time."

She means she has been told to keep an eye on my while Peeta is in danger. "Sure," I say. "I could use a few hours of entertainment."

We are escorted to her compartment by two guards who never seem to leave my side. I'm surprised to see that they decide to leave us alone together.

"They must not like you if they're okay with leaving us alone. Don't they know I'm crazy?" Johanna laughs, but nods to the empty bed across from hers.

"They do hate me. Everyone hates me," she says in a sing song voice. "And I love it!"

I plop down on the stiff mattress and for a moment I flashback to our cells in the Capitol. Johanna sees this, but she doesn't coddle me. "Sorry," I mumble. "It's just weird."

Johanna shrugs. "I always felt better when they brought me back to the cell. You calmed me down a bit."

I don't know how to respond so I just nod.

"Actually," she says. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Johanna, the last time you asked me for a favor it was to kill you." I'm smiling when I say this, but I'm uneasy. Is that why they haven't let us alone without supervision?

"Trust me, if I wanted that it would be done already," she assures me. "Can you sing to me while I jump in the shower? It calms me down and I haven't showered in weeks."

She doesn't need to tell me why. I was there for most of her tortures. "Sure."

The day goes by impossibly slow. Johanna and I were assured that the moment any phone calls would be redirected to her room, but I still insist we check my hospital room every hour. By seven, the time Peeta usually calls, I'm having a full blown anxiety attack. I only allow Johanna to see it, because I would much rather be conscious than sedated. She doesn't mention Peeta. Instead, we talk about possibly asking to be trained for battle.

"You really think they will let me hold a gun?" I ask her. "I'm getting better Johanna, but if Peeta is anywhere near me I might kill him."

Johanna shakes her head. "I don't think you will. You're instincts will kick in."

"Oh yeah, what are my instincts?" I retort.

"To protect Peeta," she replies.

I think she might be right, but is it really worth the risk. Peeta can protect himself, right? He is strong and smart, he may lack my skill with a bow, but he isn't useless. I think people sincerely underestimate him.

"Or I could just kill him," I say. "It could just make life a lot easier."

Johanna laughs so hard, the water she had just drunk begins to spew from her lips. "That would mean I would be stuck with you. Unless you decided Gale is a better choice."

"Don't even start Johanna," I threaten.

"So you're not into Hawthorne. Do I stand a chance then?" She is trying to play it off as a joke, but I know she might be a little serious.

"He's all yours." Johanna gives me a warm smile, about to ask another question, but the door flies open.

e=

The second Haymitch walks in I know something bad has happened. Johanna must sense it too because she reaches over and takes my hand.

I gather my strength and ask. "Who is it?" I already know, but I want to hear it.

"Peeta," he says tightly. "He was shot, but he is still alive."

Haymitch takes a seat behind next to Johanna, but his eyes stay locked on mine. It takes a squeeze from my friend to perk me back to life.

"Where is he?" I say clearing my throat. It seems to be tightening the more time that passes by. "Is he going to make it?"

"They are bringing him here," responds Haymitch. "He should be fine. It will take a while, but he will pull through. Are you alright?"

I don't respond. I slip my hand out of Johanna's and run as quickly as possible through the door. I make it down the hall and turn awkwardly to the left. I haven't been very mobile in a while and my legs feel like jelly, but I push my way through the halls until I find the room Annie had described. When I burst through I see the woman from the pictures. Immediately, two guards restrain my arms

Finnick was already in the conference room listening to the brief. He stands up from his chair and punches the guard on my right with one swift movement. The man falls to the ground, but two rush to take his place. Finnick is met with a fist to the stomach and is held down by three men.

The room is in frenzy, but I need to get my point across. I raise my hands in surrender.

"Coin! I need to speak to you!" I realize I should be polite, but I've never been one for manners.

Coin's eyes light up, a devilish smile breaking across her tight lips. For a moment they remind me of President Snow's artificially polished lips. "Ms. Everdeen. You are interrupting a very important meeting."

I ignore her comment. "I want to be trained for combat."

Coin doesn't look surprised. "Why is that? The rebellion has no need for you."

"That's bullshit," I hiss. "You need all the help you can get. I want to be trained for combat."

I don't tell her that I need to be trained. _I want to protect Peeta. I need to protect Peeta. He can't be hurt again_.

Coin walks towards me with a leer. "You are as polite as I have been told."

"You know that's Peeta's thing, not mine. Now when do I start?" I make to walk towards her, but the guards tighten the grip on my wrists.

Coin gives me one last look before waltzing back to her chair. "Get her into the program tomorrow morning."

I don't thank her. Instead I grab Finnick's shoulder and tow him with me towards the door. "Oh and Katniss," she says before I can make it to the door. "If you interrupt my meeting again, I'll have you put in our jail for twenty four hours."

"I'm sure you will," I challenge, walking out to the hall. Johanna is waiting next to Haymitch with a huge smile on her face. Haymitch on the other hand looks upset.

"Don't give me that look," I say to him. "You made a promise to me once. Real or not real?"

Haymitch groans and runs his hands through his hair. "Real. But we have to do things my way."

I don't want to agree to use Haymitch's tactics, but he and I will work together to fulfill that drunken promise that lingers on my memories. We will make sure Peeta survives this war.

**There you have it! I hope you guys liked this chapter. I know it was a bit cheesy, but I think a little bit of cheese is good! Anyways I will try to update within the next week. Please R &R! I love reading all of your comments and I take all the feedback to heart.**

**Thanks,**

**_Cecilia**


	13. Control

**Hey guys! So I officially have a Beta! Thanks so much Adam, you have been a great help. This chapter is interesting, but I can't wait until the next one. I don't remember if I mentioned it, but I already have the final chapter written. I'm thinking of having the story done within two weeks.**

**Anywho, enjoy :]**

**Katniss POV**

The hum of the machines used to irritate me, but now it only soothes me. Prim explained that the steady beeping sound meant Peeta's heart was beating. It isn't as comforting as the heart beat that I vaguely recall from my memories, but it will do.

I'm sitting in the observation room that used to look in on my manic form. It's ironic that Peeta used to sit here and watch me. Now I sit here and watch him. Granted there is a guard with me at all times, and the doctors insist on having a sedative loaded syringe at the ready. At least it is the thought that counts.

"How long until he wakes up?" I ask to no one in particular. A nurse slumped in the corner of the room looks down at a clipboard.

"He should be coming to in a bit," she replies. Her face tells me she finds my concern adorable. Just like the Capitol would. That kept us alive for so long.

My fists clench and unclench in their usual bizarre fashion. Images flash through my mind a million miles per hour, but I ignore them.

_You aren't real. You are all part of a lie the Capitol fabricated. All of you are a lie._

I feel my control coming back to me, piece by piece, until it is back. I can't help the smile that breaks across my face. I'm getting better at this.

When I look up I see that my guard is armed with the sedative, ready for any brash movements. For a moment I find myself angry, but I must focus on my small victory.

The guard blushes with embarrassment. "I'm sorry," he says. "I just thought you might- you know."

I give him a curt nod. "It's okay. You did the right thing."

He did. Peeta is in a weak state right now, and if I have any chance of being near him we need to be sure I'm not going to go on a murderous rampage.

The nurse has been quiet the entire time, but I can feel her curious eyes boring into the side of my head. Again, I begin to lose my temper, but this has nothing to do with the hijacking. I've never liked being stared at. "Could you please stop?" I finally snap.

The nurse's eyes widen. "Sorry."

I don't accept her apology. I look back into the hospital room to see that Peeta is beginning to wiggle his fingers. I turn back to the guard, pushing my wrists together. He looks down at me utterly confused.

"Aren't you going to restrain me?" I say annoyed. "I don't want to lose myself and do something I will regret."

The man blanches. "Yes, of course." I let out a sigh as he tightens the handcuffs around my thin wrists. The nurse is already in the hospital room taking Peeta's vitals. A tray of food is brought in by another nurse, who sets it on the table adjacent to his bed. He must not have eaten in a while.

I'm upset that my face isn't the first one he sees, but I'm not about to complain. I'm surprised I was even given permission to be here.

Peeta arrived a few hours after my tantrum in Command. I was allowed to see him briefly, before being escorted back to my new compartment. In all actuality, it wasn't a new compartment. It was Johanna's.

When I showed up outside her door she was in the lavatory brushing her teeth."Oh great," she said to me when I walked in. "_You_ are my new roommate? I'm doomed."

I laughed at her sarcastic tone. "Hey, at least you won't stink now that you have your shower buddy."

I barely managed to dodge her toothbrush as it sliced through the air near my ear. The sound reminded me how deadly Johanna was with an axe during her games. "Did I mention Gale comes to visit me a few times a day," I muttered under my breath.

Johanna walked over to me and slammed the door in the guards face. "Wonderful, maybe I can charm the pants off of him. So, I hear we both start training tomorrow."

I dropped my small box of belongings on the compartment floor. "I guess so. I heard Finnick will be there too. Gale and Peeta are already pretty far into training."

Johanna picked her toothbrush off the floor, sticking it back into her mouth without thinking. "You really think they are going to let you fight?"

I fumbled around my pathetic box, trying to think of a way to respond. The conversation we had earlier that day comes back to me. "Hey you were the one that told me I wouldn't hurt him!"

Johanna gave me a shrug as she returned to her- our bathroom. "That's your own damn fault for listening to me. You said so yourself I'm mentally unstable."

Suddenly, I found myself doubting my decision to be trained. Training me would only make a deadly weapon deadlier. Johanna laid down in her bed and stared at the ceiling. I awkwardly displayed my few belongings on the desk behind my bed.

After a few moments, Johanna spoke again. "I guess I'll just have to tackle you if things get bad. I've always wanted to do that."

I feel my doubt disappear. "Thanks," I whisper.

"Yeah, whatever just don't mention it okay?" with that she turned her back to me. Her snores filled the room seconds later.

The nurse turns to wave me in, but there is no need. I'm already standing on the precipice of the door jam. Peeta's head jerks up despite his droopy eyes. "Katniss?" he slurs.

I grin like an idiot before nodding enthusiastically. "You left me waiting for that phone call," I decided to defend the tears that were threatening to escape my eyes.

Peeta gives me a warm smile and once again I'm met with that startling tingling in my stomach. "Sorry, I got hung up with something." His voice is thick from sleep, but it sounds sweet.

"_God, you sound like a sap!_" says a tiny voice in my head. At least it was a friendly voice and not the hiss of Mutt-Katniss.

Peeta opens his arms tentatively, completely innocuous to my internal battle. I fumble a little on my way to his hospital bed, but I manage to lean into his neck despite the handcuffs. His scent hits me like a blow to my stomach. I realize this is the first time I have hugged him since the Quell. I may not have any recollection of the previous ones, but the feeling of his arms wrapped around me feels comforting and familiar.

He smells of bread. I don't know how that is possible, being that he hasn't been near a bakery in ages, but it's true. I find the tears I was holding back earlier have started to slide down my cheeks. "Damn you, Peeta," I whisper into his neck.

He laughs, but I can tell he is trying to hold back his own emotions. "Sorry."

"That's not good enough," I say pulling away. "I'm starting my training tomorrow."

His crystal blue eyes are still hazy from the medicine, but my sentence pulls them back into awareness. "What? Why would they make you do that? You aren't ready!"

Suddenly our warm atmosphere has gone sour. "I asked them to let me. _You_ just got _hurt_ Peeta!"

"So?" he snaps harshly. "I've done it all to keep you safe! You can't just go throw it away because I got shot. The bullet didn't even go through my uniform!"

The doctors had already informed me of this. Cinna's final gift to the both of us was a set of matching Mockingjay uniforms. The thick fabric of Peeta's uniform was laced with lightweight bulletproof material that protected him from what would have been a fatal wound. Luckily, it turned out to just be a broken rib and some bruising.

"Don't be stubborn Peeta!" I hiss. "You know we do a better job at protecting each other than anyone else could."

Peeta looks at me tenderly, and for a moment I think I have won, but his face grows upset. "And what happens if the other Katniss comes out?"

Part of me desperately wants to be angry at him for bringing her up, but I know he has a valid point. "She won't," I say in a pained whisper.

Peeta sighs and pulls my hand into his. "She might."

I shake my head. I wouldn't have volunteered for training if I didn't think I could control the mutt living inside me. "Trust me."

There is a deafening silence for a few minutes, only interrupted by our intermingled breathing. Peeta's eyes are locked firmly on mine and I don't have the strength to look away. If I look away he will think the mutt will win.

Finally, Peeta throws his hands up in surrender. "Fine, but you need to be careful."

His words are sincere. I might be proud, but I'm not stupid. I need to protect myself before I protect him. Not to mention, we need to see how I react with weapons. I have to admit, despite these fears, I'm really excited to shoot my bow again and get outdoors.

"Likewise," I mutter.

We spend a few minutes talking about random events during the last day or two, while Peeta nibbles on the food that had been brought in earlier. His tray is small, containing only a few pieces of chicken, a bread roll, and a pear for dessert.

The nurse clears her throat, which is my sign to leave. Peeta looks sad, which sends a wave of anger through me for some reason. I scowl at the nurse, who shifts awkwardly in her place. "Can we get a moment alone?"

"I'm not supposed to leave you in here with him. You aren't completely strapped down," she stutters.

I roll my eyes. "Oh please, like you won't watch us through the observation room! Just leave the door open on your way out."

The guard grins and leaves the room, towing the nurse along with him. I'll have to thank him later. I turn back to Peeta, whose mouth is rising at the corners. "Why are you laughing at me?"

"I'm not," he says in a mock serious tone. "There is nothing funny about you at all."

My eyes narrow into slits, but I can't stop the giggle from bursting through. "Shut up and eat your pears," I say pushing the fruit closer to him with my cuffed hands.

Peeta's eyes glisten with happiness. "You told me that during our first games, real or not real?" he says testing me.

"Real," I reply softly. "You didn't pay attention to me then, but you should now. You need to regain your strength."

The guard knocks on the door frame, but doesn't enter the room. Peeta squeezes my hand. "Thanks for coming. I'll see you soon, right?"

I don't know what to say. I keep thinking about the last time I told him to eat pears. Moments before, he had reminded me that we were supposed to be madly in love. I didn't want to kiss him them, but I want to now. Quickly, before I have the nerve to stop, I kiss his cheek. When I pull back, Peeta is looking at me as if I grew another head. I just give him an awkward wave- considering I'm still handcuffed- and bolt out the door.

When I walk into the observation room the nurse is facing the opposing wall, her face beet red. The guard just smirks at me and releases my cuffs.

**Peeta's POV**

I'm sitting in my hospital room, still staring at the door that Katniss went through. I must look ill, because the nurse comes to check on me. Her eyes won't meet mine and I briefly wonder if Katniss said anything to her. She hadn't been very cordial before.

"Are you alright Mr. Mellark?" asks the nurse nervously.

"Yes, thank you. Can you just take my tray? I'm going back to sleep." The nurse concedes, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

Katniss just kissed me. It happened so quickly, I started doubting my memory. _No, she definitely kissed me_. I finally let out a loud laugh. All I had to do to get Katniss to kiss me without cameras was to get shot.

The next few weeks pass in somewhat of a blur. Katniss is training as hard as she can, which means I get to see her more hours in the day, but we hardly get to talk. During training we are usually kept as far from each other as possible, but seeing as there is only one facility we still get to see each other, even though it's from across the room.

She had an episode on the field the other day, but she managed it very well. I was at the shooting range, firing at some targets, when I caught her looking at me. I stupidly waved my hand forgetting there was a gun in it. Her eyes grow big and her body tensed noticeably. I was about to start running towards her, when she ran to her guard and ripped the cuffs off of his holster. She moaned in pain, but managed to cuff one hand then the other by pushing the cuffs into her hip.

Johanna rushed to her side, followed by Gale and I. The guard was the same one from the hospital the night of our kiss. He was standing over Katniss who was on her knees, her palms pushing into her eyes.

Johanna dropped down in front of her. "Katniss," she whispered. "You're okay. You're okay."

Katniss' body started to convulse in a sickening manner. Gale pushed past a few guards and knelt beside the two girls. "Does she always do this?" he asked.

"Only during the really bad ones," responded Johanna. "I haven't seen her have one of these in a while. Don't call the doctors," she spoke to a guard who was about to speak into his communications piece. "They're just going to sedate her."

I was standing next to the guard from the other night, wondering desperately how he would react if I leaned down to calm Katniss down. His name tag read Langdon. Cautiously, I squatted down next to Gale, who shot me a fierce look.

"Katniss," I said in the calmest voice I can muster. Her body continues to convulse, but her hands relaxed a bit. "I'm not going to hurt you."

Her gray eyes suddenly burst open. The pupils were dilating like crazy, but behind them I spotted recognition. "I know," she groaned. "Peeta won't hurt me. Peeta won't hurt me. He takes care of me."

Her little chant went on for a few minutes, her body relaxing with each repetition. Gale stood up and left once she had fully recovered. I didn't get a chance to get a good look at his face, but I know he was upset based on the way he was stomping. Boggs gave Katniss the rest of the day off, but I spotted her in the gym working hard to build up her strength.

After training, we get to see each other at the cafeteria and during reflection; though we spend the latter with her family in their compartment. I feel like Katniss is recovering in leaps in bounds the more we are around each other, and the doctors seem to agree. The kiss hasn't been brought up, but I'm rewarded with a squeeze of the hand, or a brief hug, every time I walk her to her shared compartment.

Gale, Finnick, and I are nervously awaiting Katniss and Johanna's test results when Coin breaks the news. "You will all be going to the Capitol within the next week," she says barely looking up from her files.

Gale stares at me in disbelief. "All of us," I ask.

Coin doesn't meet my eyes. "Yes Peeta, that means Soldier Everdeen as well. That is, if she makes it through her test today." I try to formulate words, but I'm interrupted by the Command door. Katniss strides right in with a huge grin on her face.

"I passed," she says in an uncharacteristically Katniss squeal. "They even had a model Peeta and I managed not to kill it."

Finnick laughs. "Well that is reassuring."

Katniss looks around the room at Gale and I. "What's gotten into you two?" she snaps. "Why aren't you happy? Damn it Peeta, we talked about this I know what I'm doing."

"We leave for the Capitol within the next week," blurts Gale. "All of us."

Katniss looks at me for confirmation. All I can do is nod. Her eyes shift from fear to anger, then something else. "Good," she says strongly. "I'm ready to go back."

"Wonderful," says Coin in her usual dry tone. "Now sit down, we have a lot of briefing to do."

The day wears on with brief after brief and by curfew I'm exhausted. I return to my room anxious about the upcoming events. It must be this anxiety that doesn't allow me to see Langdon sitting outside my room. So when I step in I'm met with Katniss' small frame.

"Peeta," she nearly shouts. "I just needed to…"

At first I think she is having a fit, until her lips come crashing up into mine. Part of me knows I should stop her, but hormones kick in and I kiss her back just as passionately. The kisses continue, one followed by the next peppering all over.

It is over as quickly as it began. Katniss pulls back and drags herself to the wall opposite of me. "Okay," she huffs. "No more of that. Not until we come back, okay?"

"Uh, yeah. Sure. Okay, that works." My words are coming out in short breaths. I'm surprised I can even formulate syllables.

Then Katniss Everdeen steps out of my compartment, leaving me utterly dumbstruck.

**Please read and review! Nothing gets me more excited than some awesome feedback. The next chapter is about Peeta & Katniss in the Capitol.**

**_Cecilia**


	14. Moving through the Capitol

**Hello everyone! I'm going to be up front, this is my least favorite chapter. I feel that it bounces around all over the place, but I did my best to capture all of the important details. I know the squad members might die out of order (I actually didn't mention some by name), but I did my best. The next chapter is AWESOME! I've been writing it since the beginning.**

**By the way, my lovely fiancé was very hesitant to read the Hunger Games, but he ended up LOVING it. Now I even got him hooked on Divergent. He just recently discovered my dorky obsession with Fan fiction and decided to give it a go. His GoldenBoy90 is his user name. You should go check out his Finnick story. **

**Katniss' POV**

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous on the train ride to the Capitol. It's two in the morning. We haven't even been away from District 13 for more than twenty four hours. Boggs, the leader of our squad keeps a stern eye on me. He is looking to see if I go all Mutt, which is good because I might. Peeta is sitting across from me his back leaning against the wall of the train. It bobs and shifts with the movements of the rails.

Our train couldn't be more different than the one that took us to the Capitol so many moons ago. This one is plain, a cargo train they tell me. It was designed to carry grains and treasures from the Districts to the hungry Capitol. Now it is used to transport barely legal kids off to war. The only good thing about the ride is that I get to see the countryside. The shifting colors, despite the blanket of snow, amaze me. I wish Johanna could be here to see it. Part of me is glad she isn't. At least one of my friends will survive this war. More importantly, Johanna will help Annie and my family while we are gone.

Finnick is sitting to my left, completely engrossed on the wall above Peeta's head. I know it isn't because he finds the grain of the wood particularly fascinating. He is thinking of Annie. We left nearly a day ago, which means she most likely knows we are gone. Finnick didn't tell her we were leaving. I don't know how I feel about it, but it's probably for the best.

Gale is sitting behind me, his back pushing against mine. I keep feeling him nod off against my shoulder. He hasn't slept since we left. None of us have. My head is a wreck. My brain is working full capacity. I'm about to go to the Capitol to kill Snow. My best friends are here with me. Then there is Peeta, my more-than-friend and sometimes victim. I kissed him the night before we left, adding another wretch into my twisted mind.

I don't regret it. Well, not in the way one would think. I regret not having gotten more. Now that I know what it feels like I want another, but we are in the middle of a war. I've come up with a simple list of goals. Goal #1: Get Gale, Finnick, and Peeta out alive. Goal #2: Kill Snow. Goal #3: Do all of this without going Mutt-Katniss, or dying. Those also happen to be the exact order of my goals.

I'm sitting there contemplating this when Peeta taps my boot with his. His blue eyes are shy, but they still sparkle in the early gray of the morning. "Hey," he mouths.

I have to stop myself from staring at his lips for too long. I mouth a greeting back. Peeta stands and taps Gale's shoulder. "Here, you take the wall for a while. I've slept for too long," he lies. Gale doesn't bother to look at him. He slumps against the wall. Within a few seconds he is snoring.

Peeta takes his place behind my back. With him in this position I'm taken back to another time. The first games we were in the same position. Here we are again. Both of us ready to face death. I lean my head back against his left shoulder. "Are you scared?" I whisper to his back.

His chest shift behinds me. "Yes." I always admired Peeta's ability to be so okay with his emotions. "But I'm going to make sure you make it out alive."

There isn't a point in arguing with him. Like the Quell Peeta and I have the same goal, get the other out alive. Hopefully this time we won't fail. At least there is a shot that we can both make it. "You do that. I'll focus on you."

Peeta laughs at my dry humor. At least he didn't make me stay. Not that he could have. We sit in this comfortable silence until he speaks nearly an hour later. "That kiss was amazing."

I feel a blush creep across my cheeks. "It was."

"Thanks. It will be good to have something like that in mind for when this is over." _That is, if we both make it out alive. _I don't say this to Peeta. Instead I think about what can happen when this war is over. Will I move back to District 12 with my family? What about Peeta? He will come with me. I know he will. Gale will go wherever his family goes. Maybe Johanna can come with us too. Prim will like having a lot of people around.

I suddenly realize life can be ten times better than it was before. I allow myself this small hope for a moment. I can't think about the future when the present is still in motion. "Thanks for staying," I say to Peeta. If the situation were reversed I have a feeling I would have curled up into a non-emotive ball when Peeta would have been rescued from the Capitol. I'm ashamed to say that, but I know it's the truth. I'm very lucky Peeta helped me get through the hardest parts.

Peeta takes my hand in his. It tells me he wouldn't have had it any other way. It tells me what he has told me so many times. _Always, _Peeta will always be with me. Wouldn't he have been if he had died in the first arena? He would have never left me. I would have carried him with me for the rest of my life.

"Get some sleep," he tells me. I manage to close my eyes. When I wake up I'm laying on my side, my head in Peeta's lap. I don't move, but just to be sure, I reach into my pocket and handcuff my hands together. The whole car is sleeping, but Boggs who notices my actions. He gives me a curt nod before turning back towards the window.

We set up camp as soon as we to our destination. It's freezing outside, but no one complains. We are used to the cold. The Capitol people are not. We spend most of the day shooting staged propos of our Start Squad entering the city. The team seems to work relatively well, but I feel uneasy about one of the members. Mitchell is added last minute to the Squad by President Coin herself. I've been told he is very talented, but I'm not buying it. He stares at Peeta more than he should, but never seems to talk to him. Boggs seems to notice his odd behavior too.

One day Peeta is sent with a group of guards to film a propo, but one mysteriously gets injured on his way to Command. Mitchell says he found the solider badly wounded, claiming he saw a Peacekeeper shoot him. Since the soldier was shot from behind, there is no way to confirm the story. Mitchell quickly volunteers to take the guard's place, but Boggs denies him and sends Gale instead. That night I tell Finnick about my suspicions.

"I think Coin sent him to kill Peeta. Am I insane, or is it possible?" Everyone is supposed to be asleep, but I whisper anyway.

Finnick stares at Mitchell's tent. "I think you might have a point. He was never trained with us. I'll keep an eye on him."

I don't have to tell Finnick that I will too. Every time he gets too close, I pull out my bow and pretend to polish it. Peeta seems completely oblivious to this. That boy is hopeless. Gale catches on as well. He tries to talk to Peeta about it, but there isn't much time.

On the fifth day we go into the city to shoot more footage of us aiming at a useless buildings. Finnick and I are joking about how silly this entire production is, when I spot Boggs speaking to Peeta. He seems to be warning him about something. That something, I can only assume, is Mitchell. Peeta looks around the group eyeing the mysterious solider for a moment before looking at me. They exchange a few more words and then Boggs moves over to Leeg and Cressida.

Gale is four feet away from us when the first pod goes off flooding the street with a gelatin like substance. "Run," shouts Finnick pushing me back towards camp. I do as I'm told, arming my bow if any attackers show up. Finnick and I lead the pack down the street where another pod has gone off. This one shoots gas out of the man holes and drains. I don't know if it's poisonous, but I don't wait to find out. I tear my mask from my pack and tighten it.

Everyone has caught up by now. Two people are missing: Peeta and Mitchell. "Gale! He's got him," I yell turning back into the city streets towards the area where I had last seen Peeta. I hear Gale's footsteps behind me as we run through the green hazy fog, both of us ready to shoot.

I turn slightly to see Finnick and Boggs gaining on us. "Where did he take him?" asks Boggs. So he suspects Mitchell too. The sound of a scuffle comes from one of the alleyways. Gale and I must be the only ones to hear it. Hunters' ears, I guess. We charge towards the movement, arrows at the ready.

Rounding the corner we find Peeta struggling with Mitchell who has somehow gotten him in a headlock. I don't think twice to release my bow. This scenario is too much like the one atop the Cornicopia so long ago. The arrow pierces Mitchell's eye, but Gale adds another through his forehead for good measure. "Peeta! Are you alright?" I cry falling to my knees. His face is blue, but he's breathing.

"Sure," he huffs. "I'm sorry Boggs. He came out of nowhere. I was disoriented by the smoke."

Boggs doesn't get a chance to answer. Gale and I try to warn him about the pod, but it's too late. The last moments of his life are spent transferring the Holo to Peeta.

Moments after the light goes out in Boggs' eyes, we are joined by the remainder of the group. Finnick fills them on what happened, while the rest of us stare at Boggs' limp body. "The way back to camp is blocked off," says Cressida. "We need to find another way around."

"There is no other way around," says Finnick. "I've been studying the map all day. We can only go through."

Peeta looks around at the team that he now leads. I don't know what he is thinking, but I know if I were in his position I would be freaking out. These people are now his responsibility. Peeta stands tall when he speaks. "We're moving further in. Let me see that Holo."

After moving along for an hour, Pollux leads us to a network of underground tunnels that connect the city. I hate it here. It reminds me too much of my father and how he died. Gale seems to be thinking the same thing, after all the same explosion killed both of our patriarchs. As much as we hate it we have no other choice. The hours drag on and eventually we stop in a small maintenance room to get some rest. Pollux and I are the only ones who cannot sleep, but the others divide up watches anyway. When it's Peeta's watch he releases my hand cuffs, which I always sleep with, so I can eat.

"You haven't slept," he says breaking open a can of soup. I shrug. There is nothing to respond. "You should try to get at least a few hours in."

"Easier said than done," I say harshly. "If I could sleep I would have done it a long time ago. I can rest when this is over." Over. I want this to be over. Panic begins to set in and my hands start to tremble. Peeta sees this, but decides to take hold of both of my hands. He rubs them between his own until it stops. I thank him and lay my head on the cold pavement.

Peeta doesn't say anything for the rest of the time, but he rubs my back until I manage to fall asleep.

**Peeta's POV**

I'm drawing lazy circles on Katniss' back when the hissing begins. At first it's a soft hiss, like ocean breeze. Then it grows stronger. The words are unintelligible, but to my horror someone in the group shoots up in recognition. Katniss.

"Peeta!" she wails. "Everyone move! They're coming!"

Finnick kicks Gale into awareness, while the rest of the group shoots up. "What's going on?" I ask her. Katniss wastes no time in cuffing herself again and running towards the opposite tunnel from which we came.

"I have no idea, but it's bad. Run!" I help up Cressida just in time to catch a glimpse at the creatures that are beginning to sprout from the walls. Disgusting oversized lizards made up of a mish mosh of human skin begin to slither along the tunnel walls. Shoving Cressida forward, I try to catch up with the rest of the group. Katniss is leading the way, running awkwardly with her cuffed hands. "Peeta, I'm going to need those keys back," she shouts to me. Gale catches the keys that I toss, then un cuffs one of Katniss' hands. "If you need to, shoot me," she instructs. This pisses me off, but there isn't time to argue. The lizards gain on us, running on four bizarre legs.

Suddenly, beams of light shine down from the man holes. At first I think nothing of it, but then I see Leeg's skin get eaten up by the fluorescent lights. Gale starts to climb up a ladder that seemingly leads to a man hole cover. Katniss follows right behind him, but the rest of us have yet to catch up.

What happens next will forever haunt my nightmares. "Peeta, you need to take care of Annie and our baby for me," shouts Finnick. I don't have a chance to respond before Finnick jumps off the ladder rungs, trident in hand. My mind tells me to keep climbing, but I desperately want to help him. "Go!" he yells at my hesitation.

I start up the ladder two rungs at time until I reach the landing, which seems to be a basement. Katniss is holding onto a wound on Gale's neck that is bleeding profusely. "Where's Finnick?" she asks as Pollux helps me up. I turn to see if the bronze haired man is behind me. He isn't. From high above our perch we can see the lizards tearing at his limbs. He is still alive, but barely hanging on. "No! Finnick!" yells Katniss. Gale wraps her up in his arms. From the look we exchange he knows Finnick won't make it.

Gale tightens his grip on Katniss, who is thrashing to get to Finnick. "Let me go! I have to save him!" Gale doesn't relent.

"There's no point. He won't make it Katniss," he says. I can tell that his voice is thick with emotion. Katniss is staring at Finnick, her eyes in a haze. It's this that makes me snap into action. I take the Holo from Pollux who had been using it. "Nightlock! Nightlock! Nightlock!"

The Holo explodes just as the hideous creatures are about to tear into Finnick's neck. The man hole is quickly replaced, but none of us move. We just sit and stare at the metal cover, thinking of those we have lost. It's Katniss that pulls me out of my grief. I see her grip the handcuffs that are attached to her belt.

_Oh no, please no. _The last thing we need today is for Katniss to go Mutt. Not today. The Capitol has taken too much. I do the only thing I can think of. I kiss her. It's a desperate kiss, nothing like the one we had shared that night in District 13. When I feel her lips respond to mine I wrap her into a hug. "Don't let them take you too," I murmur into her hair. I don't care that we have an audience. I can't lose Katniss right now. Her arms are pinned to her sides under my arms.

"No. I don't want them to," she groans. Her right hand is gripping the cuffs so tightly I think she might be bleeding.

"Stay with me. Please stay." These words finally, bring the last wave of shakes.

"Always," she whispers into my chest. Everyone is watching us. Then again, everyone is quite a small group. Cressida, Gale, Pollux, Katniss, and I. We are all that are left.

After a few moments, Katniss recollects herself. "Let's keep going," she says standing straight. We manage to bandage up Gale's neck wound then start up the stairs. When I open the door I'm met with a robed Capitol woman. She would have screamed if Katniss hadn't shot her in the heart in that instant.

"Sorry," she mumbles as the startled group behind her. Pollux had already aimed his gun at her head. For a moment I want to yell at him. Then I realize it must have looked like Katniss was about to shoot me. She had just had a fit, for all he knew she _was_ going to kill me. Cressida still looks unsure. With a roll of her eyes Katniss clicks on the cuffs as we breach the doorway.

We move on with caution, but never the person the woman was calling to. We do, however, find two closest filled with several racks of clothing. Cressida is quick to distribute disguises. I make my way to one of the spare bedrooms to dress and recover a bit from the events of the last hour. Leaving the door open, I sit on the bed and allow myself to mourn the loss of the others. Finnick especially. I don't cry. I can't cry. I just stare at my hands, trying to wipe the invisible blood from them. Five minutes later I dress in the silly Capitol garb that had been given to me.

I'm lacing up my boots when I hear the door click shut. I turn to find Katniss standing near the doorway. Her eyes are dark leading me to think she is having another attack, but she remains handcuffed so I'm not worried. "Katniss, are you okay?" I ask softly.

"Golden," she croaks. As I get closer, I realize her eyes are brimming with tears. She isn't having an attack. She is just grieving. She's grieving for Boggs. She's grieving for Finnick. She's grieving for everyone. I don't hesitate when I wrap my arms around her. Katniss snuggles into my chest, sobbing loudly for a few moments. "I know I'm not like this," she sniffs. "Just give me a moment."

I've only seen Katniss cry a handful of times, but this time in particular reminds me of our first time in the arena. Katniss was exhausted, just like she is now. And like then all she wants to do is go home. "Take two," I whisper against her forehead. Katniss' cries are muffled by my chest, but they seem to slow. "We are going to make it you know?"

"I know," she says finally pulling back. "We just need to stick together. Don't go off like that again."

Her eyes look deadly. "I won't. I'm sorry I put you through that."

"You should be," she snaps. "If Gale and I hadn't followed you…"

I would be dead. "I know." Luckily Mitchell didn't get a chance to complete his mission. I wonder how disappointed Coin will be when she finds out my heart is still beating. She might not even know yet. "We need to go Katniss. You need to disguise yourself.

Katniss agrees, grabbing a large puff of clothing. She wiggles her hands a bit, silently asking if I can remove the cuffs. "I won't bite. I promise. Just leave one hanging off in case I need to use them."

I do as she tells me, then turn towards the closet so she can get dressed. The thought of a naked Katniss doesn't set me off right now. We are in the middle of a battlefield. If I'm not completely focused on the task at hand we can both end up dead. Minutes later we are all standing at the front door, waiting for instructions. Cressida says we aren't too far from the President's home, but it isn't worth going tonight. I agree with her.

She leads us through the Capitol streets, which are filled with desperate refugees. Katniss is walking between me and Gale, her loose handcuff carefully hidden in her mitten. "Where to," she asks in a hushed tone. Cressida leads us through a maze of pristine gardens that have managed to survive this harsh winter. We end up at a fur shop owned by the catlike Tigress. The woman reminds me of the hallucinations I had during my first games.

I shudder once we are concealed in her hideout. "She gives me the creeps," I tell Cressida, who is making a nest of fur coats for each of us. Katniss is sitting next to Gale patching up the gash on his neck. It's funny to see her so keen on cleaning the wound, when she used to get so queezy before. With deft fingers she stitches up the cut and puts him to sleep.

She catches me staring. "What?"

"Nothing," I reply quickly. Katniss' scowls have a way of making me nervous. "You did good with the stitches."

She watches me as I fluff a bunch of coats into another nest. "You should take this spot. I'll stay up to watch." Katniss looks around to see that there aren't any furs left. I don't mind taking the first watch, then swapping with someone else, but she shakes her head. "We can share it."

My insides bubble up, but the excitement vanishes when I remember where we are. Without further comment, she crawls into the next. Katniss wastes no time curling into a ball. Pretending to be indifferent, I climb in next to her. I make sure not to let our bodies touch. "I remember these being a lot more comforting," she mumbles. I thought she had fallen asleep.

"They were," I whisper into the fur. "I just don't want to overstep any boundaries."

Katniss scoffs. "It's sleeping Peeta. We might as well take the chance considering we can die at any moment. Let's at least go out comfortable."

I fall asleep with my arms wrapped around her, wondering when this will all be over.

**So that was it. I know kind of lame, but there is so much to fit in. I feel like it didn't really flow. I solemnly swear the next chapter is going to be EPIC! Please R & R.**

**Thanks _Cecilia**


	15. Bombs

**Don't blame me, blame Micro Economics! I absolutely hate that class and it seems to be consuming all of my time. Anywho, I should be able to post one more chapter before next week. My boyfriend and I are hiking the Appalachian Trail starting in Georgia for five days. I will most likely post the last chapter when I come back. **

**Katniss POV**

Prim is yelling at me through a haze of smoke. "Katniss! Run!" I don't know what she means. There isn't anything to run from. We are in a clouded room and I'm armed only with my bow. _Where am I?_ I look around through the deceptive vapor trying to find her.

"Prim? Where are you?" I shout. I don't get a response. All I see are the tendrils of the smoke beckoning me to come forward. "Prim? Follow the sound of my voice."

"Katniss, I'm scared. Don't leave me! Please don't leave me." Her voice is crippled by tears, but I can hear it closer than before.

"I won't Prim, I promise. Just keep talking. Can you do that for me?" I hear a sniffling sound from my left. With an arrow ready to kill I turn to find Prim crumpled on the ground holding her chest. "Prim! Are you alright?"

She is so overwhelmed by tears she can't speak. She shakes her head and clutches to her chest. When I take a closer look I see the spear protruding from her cavity. It's Marvel's spear. When I look back to her face I'm met with a pair of large brown eyes and dark skin. Rue. "Katniss you have to win this for me. You have to win the games," she whispers. Without another word her body evaporates into the fog.

I jump into awareness moments later, a pair of strong arms wrapped around my waist. _Peeta_. He must still be asleep, because he nuzzles closer despite my now tense body. I hold my breath for a few moments, but when I notice I'm not going to lose my mind I relax into his comfortable hold. It's then that I notice Gale standing watch in the corner. His eyes set on mine.

"Hey," he whispers. I suddenly feel very awkward. I know Gale loved me before, and I'm fairly certain he still does. Yet my body doesn't want to wiggle out from Peeta's grasp.

"Hey," I whisper back. He gives me a smile that doesn't fully reach his eyes. Despite my body's protests, I unwrap myself from Peeta's embrace and sit next to Gale, who watches me the entire time. "How's your neck?"

Gale shrugs. "You didn't have to come over here. You should get more sleep." I try to measure the tone of his voice, but he doesn't give anything away.

"I know. I just don't want to…"

"Upset me?" he offers. "It's fine Katniss. I lost you to him a long time ago. I knew it before the Quell was even announced. You and Peeta, you are something else. I'm okay with it now."

"You didn't look okay with it just now," I respond honestly.

Gale scoffs. "I don't think I will ever like any man around you. I still love you, but I'm just now realizing I might not love you the way Peeta loves you. It'll take time."

I nod, because I don't know how to respond. I've known for a while it wasn't Gale. It's always been Peeta. Despite my mind being programmed to kill him, the inherent sense to care for him is there. And that sense has been winning a lot lately. "I love you Gale. You are the brother I always wanted. The brother I needed."

Gale doesn't wince at the title. "I know Catnip," he sighs. "Let's just get through this so we can all be happy, okay?"

"Okay," I respond. Gale gives my shoulder a playful push then leans back against the wall. I know he is contemplating something, but I decide not to ask. Gale will say something if he really has to.

After a few moments he does. "You're in love with him, aren't you?"

"Really Gale? We are in the middle of a freaking battle zone and _this_ is when you ask me this?" The question upsets me more than the setting. Does Gale really need to put me on the spot like this? He just said so himself he lost me before the Quell, why ask?

"I already know the answer. I just want to know if you do." He uses that joking tone I hate.

I know I love Peeta. How could I not? I've been denying it for so long, but I can't. It's as if the epiphany I had in the cells of the Capitol hit me in the face a few weeks ago. I just haven't had the courage to say it. Gale nudges my shoulder again. "Now isn't the time to keep things to yourself Katniss. You need to say something before it's too late."

Gale's right. "I'm going back to bed do you have a good hold on watch?"

"Sure these dust mites aren't giving me much trouble," he says looking around the dank room. I climb back into our nest and wrap my body against Peeta's.

Peeta shifts a little in his sleep, but doesn't wake. "Don't go," he says to me. I know he is having a dream, but I don't know if it is about me. I cuddle closer, hopefully conveying that I won't. This seems to satisfy him enough, because he begins to snore softly in my ear.

**Peeta POV**

I'm trying to avoid the stares of Pollux and Cressida when I wake up next to Katniss the next morning. Katniss doesn't acknowledge them and neither does Gale. To my surprise they both act as of nothing happened. Katniss does however seem to be deep in thought every time I look at her. Then again, it might just be because we might die at any moment.

I feel better that night when she crawls into our fur nest again, contorting her body to fit against mine. "Are you okay?" I say to her when she pulls a blanket over us.

"Yeah," she says sarcastically. "I just want to get this over with. I think we need to move out tomorrow. Why do you ask?"

"I don't know. I guess I'm just anxious." I agree with Katniss we just need to end this. "We'll move tomorrow."

Katniss softly places a kiss on my collarbone then falls asleep.

I wake up knowing the war will end today. The feeling must be mutual among my companions. Tigris gives us heavy coats for the bitter cold, while we arm ourselves with what little weapons we have left.

"So what the plan?" asks Gale as he loops his bow beneath his coat. "We just storm in and hope we don't get caught."

Katniss snorts. "Brilliant idea, it will definitely be successful. I say we follow the crowd into the mansion and hope we can get in through security. Anyone who has a shot on Snow should take it. What do you think Peeta?" She is sitting in the corner of the room, her hands working to tighten her quiver to her shoulders.

"Considering he is letting people into the Presidential Mansion I don't think we will have a better shot. The television says rebel forces are moving in. Hopefully we will have some back up." Katniss watches me intensely from her perch.

"Dibs on Snow if we are all within shooting range," she says darkly. "We have some debts we need to settle." Gale, Pollux, and Cressida nod. Tigris gives her a gleeful smile, or at least what I imagine is her way of smiling. I almost want to deny her of it. I don't want any innocence taken from her. Then again, _she _was tortured by Snow himself. I only had to watch from afar.

Katniss looks up from the piece of fur she had been playing with and locks eyes with me. She must be wondering what the results of the next few hours will be. I can't bring myself to think of them. I walk to the kitchen with the pretense of getting more water. I don't need to look back to see that Katniss is right behind me. "You need to be sure to stick close to Gale or myself, but if you get separated-"

Gripping my shoulders firmly, she pulls me forward and presses her lips against mine. The kiss is short, but startling, which is why I barely manage to listen to the words she speaks. "I love you Peeta, so don't die on me today. No matter what happens we stick together. Got it?" The phrase is blunt, but her voice is thick with unshed tears by the end of it. "You and I _need _to make it out of this."

Her hands on my shoulders are the only thing reassuring me I'm not having a dream. "I'm sorry, I've just wanted to hear that for so long," I say in a hushed tone. As much as I loved that kiss, I don't see it fit to be our last. I lean forward to give her another, but she covers my lips with her hands.

"Well I do," she croaks. "A lot, so no goodbye kisses. This is just something to get out of our system."

Despite the world crumbling around us, Katniss still brings a smile on my face. She is scowling at me, but I know it's just her defense mechanism. "Just say it again," I whisper into her ear.

Katniss gives me a small smile. "I love you."

"I love you too," I reply. "No matter what we will stick together."

"Together," she repeats. "Now let's go before Gale bursts in and kicks your ass." Katniss and I walk out of the kitchen.

Gale is waiting by the door as Katniss gives Tigris a farewell hug. "You and I watch out for her until the end right?" he says to me. I nod, knowing with Gale's help at least she will live.

Once on the street, I interlock my fingers with Katniss'. I cannot and will not let her go at any cost. Pollux and Cressida break off, while Gale follows a few steps behind us.

The mob of people is moving rapidly, carrying us along in its wake. Katniss grips my hand even harder when we pass a team of Peacekeepers, but her eyes don't betray the tension I feel in her grasp. "How far are we from the Mansion?" she mutters under her breath.

I spot the main square a few blocks ahead. From our position in the street it looks to be five blocks down. "Nearly there."

Just then a small girl in a lemon drop coat catches Katniss' eyes. She tugs on her mother's coat and points at us just as the gunfire starts.

Katniss and I dive into one of the alleyways, Gale following quickly behind us. We manage to make it to a steel garbage can that shelters us from the bullets pelting down on the Capitol citizens.

"The bastard is turning on his own people," growled Gale. I barely listen to him, because I'm watching Katniss. She is entranced by the bleeding body of the girl in the lemon drop coat. Only moments ago the child had been chattering along with her mother. Now she was dead on the street, her blood sinking into the Capitol drains.

"Katniss?" I whisper. Her steely eyes meet mine with such sadness I can barely take it. "Come on. We need to get home remember?"

She gives me a curt nod and abandons her sad disposition. "Let's move along. I think they stopped firing."

Gale leads us out of the alley and into the eerie street. I take one last look at the small girl, trying to avoid her blank stare. The survivors of the attack stumble and stammer though the destruction. Most have this vacant gaze towards their destination. I think this must be the only time they have ever been covered in blood. A tall, green-haired Capitol man moves with such sluggish steps I wonder if he is even alive at all. He is clutching a small doll that must have belonged to one of his companions that didn't survive the gunfire.

Katniss nudges my shoulder with hers. "We've got to get home," she pulls me out of my reverie. I pick up my pace. Gale too starts to speed up and soon we are all running lightly. I'm glad we do, because what happens next would have surely killed us moments before.

The ground begins to split apart a dozen yards in front of us, like a giant sliding door. "Run!" shouts Gale. We bolt as quickly as our tired legs can carry us towards the edge. Katniss and I are on the right hand panel, while Gale is on the left. He jumps into the closest storefront, but Katniss and I are too far from any doorways. I shove her off the panel onto the stable ground. I hear her land with a thud, but the panel disappears right as I reach the end. With as much strength as I can muster, I grip onto the snowy street where the pavement once was.

"Peeta!" screeches Katniss. I don't even think twice about her shouting my name in public. The people around us are now all dead.

"Right here," I groan, struggling to hold onto the wet ground. Katniss rushes to my aid and together we get my body onto the solid ground. Next, I turn to look for Gale. I meet his gray eyes just in time to see him pulled by the collar into the store front.

It takes seconds for me to realize Katniss has removed her coat and aimed her bow to the doorway. "Shit!" she utters as three Peacekeepers round the corner to see her in her signature stance. Forgetting surrounding my prosthesis, I grab her hand and start sprinting down the street.

"We're almost there!" I huff, pushing her into an alleyway when a burst of gunfire is heard from behind. The sound of footsteps gets closer to our nook. Without exchanging a word, Katniss arms her bow and I aim my gun, which had been tucked into the back of my pants.

Just as we are about to shoot, Gale rounds the corner. "Sorry," he coughs. He is out of breath and has a large cut on his forehead, but he is alive. "Lost you guys for a bit." Katniss gives him a vice-like hug.

"Damn you Gale!" she cries into his chest. "Stay close by." Gale rubs her back and gives me a reassuring smile.

Waiting a few moments to see if the streets clear, we inch our way along the storefronts to the Victors' Square. A large crowd of disgruntled Capitol citizens are lined in front of the palace, but little movement is occurring. "We need a better view. For all we know they are just going to mow us down with metal once we get into that line." By the look on Gale's face I know he thinks I'm right. Katniss takes no time in climbing up a light pole to check out the remaining area.

"They're letting the children into the palace. Maybe they are going to start with the women next," she says when she climbs down. I don't like the idea of Katniss running into the mansion by herself, but I have no choice.

Wrapping my arm around her waist, I hug her to me as we work our way through the anxious crowd. Displaced families are huddled around every corner. Tears and cries of sorrow fill the air. No one bothers to look at us, which is good because we are walking straight to the enemy. We make it to the front of the fence in time to see a set of parachute-like bombs descending on the group of children that had been rallied to the front of the crowd.

Gale spots them, and immediately shoves us to the ground. They are his bombs. The ones I saw the day of our fight in the Weapons Department. Innocent children were just killed with Rebel bombs. The crowd goes maniacal and we are trampled as some people rush towards the empty streets and others towards the mangled bodies of the children. Katniss pulls me up with her and we rush to the closest light pole. "Climb up!" she yells through the chaos.

I don't tell her it is impossible for me to climb with my prosthetic. Gale must read my mind, because he helps me shove Katniss onto the pole. "The second round will hit a minute after the first," he bellows into my ear.

"You get up there with Katniss! I'll be fine down here!" Gale's eyes are filled with something, but I can't exactly tell what. He shakes his head, and offers his leg as a step for me to climb. I decide not to argue, but Katniss has stopped moving.

Her eyes are locked onto something in the distance. I look to see a throng of Rebel medics flocking the scene. I want to scream to her that now is not the time to stop and stare when I see Prim, running into the crowd of wounded children. _Oh no, Prim!_

"Prim!" screams Katniss. She drops down next to me and makes to run for her sister. Gale pushes her into my arms.

"Peeta, the parachutes!" he yells at me, just as the deadly weapons fall from the sky. Katniss is struggling in my arms, yelling for her sister. I shove Katniss into Gale's grasp then make for the corralled area. _Maybe I can beat the parachutes in time to save Prim. _"Prim! _Prim_, run!" I shout, but it's no use. She can't hear me through the crowd. Katniss' screams overpower mine, but Prim doesn't seem to hear.

Finally, Prim hears her name and turns toward the calls. Her blue eyes are concerned, but she manages to smile when she meets Katniss' eyes. I don't even make it past the gates when the bombs go off.

**I know! Prim's death in the book made me cry, but I think it was important to the overall plot of Mockingjay. The next chapter will be the last, with a possible epilogue. Please Read and Review!**

**_Cecilia.**


	16. Chipped

**I thought this was going to be the last chapter, but I decided the story needs one more and an epilogue. I really LOVED writing this chapter so I hope you guys like it. Enjoy :]**

**Katniss POV**

I'm floating around in a dark abyss. Call it depression, or morning. All I know is I'm lost in my own dark world. I drift in and out of consciousness. The first time I come to I'm being pasted together like a paper doll.

The second time, I awake to the sound of Haymitch's voice. He is telling me about my sister. About my mother, who left me without further notice.

"Sorry for all of this kid," he croaks. I don't think he realizes I'm awake.

The third time I wake up, I'm in an elegant room. Surely, I'm in Snow's palace. I'm debating whether or not to scream in frustration when I spot him. His blue eyes sleepily staring at me from a plush chair next to the bed. The boy with the bread has stayed with me once again. Wordlessly, I reach out my hands like a small child.

Peeta doesn't hesitate to pull me into an embrace. His shirt becomes wet with silent tears in an instant. He doesn't say anything. He only rubs my scared back. I drift off into the darkness again.

We both have scars now. Almost mirror images of each other. His wounds lick across his forehead, singing off his already blonde eyebrows. Mine slither around my lips and chin, branding my neck. His entire right side was engulfed in flames. My entire left got most of the damage.

I only know this because the nurses come in to change the bandages twice a day. Since Peeta refuses to leave me alone, and I don't respond to their requests, they have no choice but to do it in the same room.

I sit in my catatonic state while they change the upper half, but there is still part of the old Katniss in me. I turn away for the bottom half. I know Peeta thinks it is funny, but he doesn't say anything. When it is my turn he does the same.

We don't talk for the first few days. He tenses up at random moments, and I know he is conquering his own emotional distress. I cry sometimes, but mostly I stare blankly at the wall.

Eventually, we are visited by some therapist the doctors have assigned. I think his name is Aurelius, but to be honest I don't pay much attention to him. Peeta does most of the talking. He tells him about his family and how much he misses them. He tells him about Prim and how he tried to save her. He speaks of the Games, both of them, about Rue and his paintings. Slowly, I watch Peeta unravel before me.

I listen to his every word. No expression adorns my face. The most I do is lean my head against his shoulder or loop my pinky through his hand.

When Dr. Aurelius asks me something Peeta waves him off. "She does things her own way," he says. "Just leave her alone."

When Dr. Aurelius asks to treat us separately I throw a pretty porcelain vase at him. He surprisingly doesn't have me sedated.

My attacks are few and far in between. It is like my mind is too exhausted to fulfill any of Snow's commands. We still keep the handcuffs on hand.

Two weeks after the 'incident' I finally decide to speak. We are laying in our enormous bed. Peeta staring at an empty sketch pad, me staring at the wall. The words sort of gush out. "She is never coming back. Real, or not real?"

Peeta rolls over to me and carefully tilts my chin to meet his eyes. "Real Katniss, I'm so sorry."

I don't know what to say. I already knew she- Prim- was never coming back. Why ask then? "You know she was the reason for all of this," I say not bothering to clarify what _this _was. Peeta knows I'm referring to the Rebellion. If Prim would have never been chosen I would have never volunteered. If I never volunteered Peeta would have never created the "Star crossed lovers of District 12". The berries, the two victors, our signs of defiance, none of them would have occurred without Prim. Now she was gone and we were here.

The point might be moot, but I can't help but dwell on it. "Why did it have to be like this?" I ask through crackling sobs. "Why us?"

Peeta takes a long time to respond. So long I nearly drift off. "It had to have been us, Katniss. The Capitol couldn't break us. We were too strong."

"Peeta, I feel broken." I'm nuzzled into a large plush pillow.

Peeta kisses my head. "Chipped, Katniss, but never broken."

The next morning at our therapy session I start to speak. Dr. Aurelius seems shocked, but he doesn't say anything. They continue for another week.

**Peeta's POV**

A few days after Katniss begins to speak I'm sent a note from Gale.

_We need to talk about it._

_-Gale_

Gale wants to talk about the bombs that killed Prim. _His_ bombs. Katniss doesn't know and I don't want her to. The last thing she needs is to lose Gale.

When Katniss falls asleep that night I roam the halls until I find him. He is sitting outside a guarded room. His head rests in his hands. Since the bombing I've been given a new cane. My prosthetic was slightly damaged so I'm waiting for a new one. For the time being I'm shuffling around on a slightly shorter one. I use it to bump his leg.

"You look like shit," I mumble. Gale looks startled. He stands up and nods his head.

"I haven't had much rest lately. I can't seem to turn it off," he says pointing to his head.

"Guilt does that to people." Gale meets my eyes for a moment then breaks down. He doesn't cry, but he does start to hit his head against the wall. I don't bother stopping him. He needs to get it out.

When he lets his body slump back into the wall I start up again. "So it was Coin?"

"Yeah, she ordered Beetee to construct them. He didn't know what they were going to be used for. Coin just wanted to end this thing swiftly. She didn't care about anyone else." I had never seen him angrier. "She needs to pay for it Peeta."

I couldn't agree more. Coin couldn't become President. It would be the same as Snow's reign. "Let's do it. We need to make sure she doesn't have the chance to take office."

Gale looks at me confused. There is only one way to prevent that. "You know what will happen to us right?" He means what the rebels will do when we kill her.

"Yeah, I know. That's why you need to make sure Katniss has a good life. I'll kill Coin, the day of Snow's execution. When I'm taken into custody you take Katniss far, far away from here. Even when you get back to District 12, keep running. I don't want her to suffer anymore." I've thought about this for too many days now.

"You're kidding me Mellark. She wants you," he spits. "I'll do it."

"No, they will surely kill you. I might still have a chance. Besides, there is too much blood on your hands already. Let me handle some of it." Gale winces at my last comment, but I don't feel like comforting him.

The day of Snow's execution arrives quickly. Since my conversation with Gale we've met up twice to finalize any plans. Katniss was weary of my behavior at first, but over time she seemed to forget it. Or at least I thought she did. Our conversations are few and far between, but I know the _real _Katniss is still in there. We communicate mostly in short whispers and hidden messages exchanged through stares. We know each other well enough not to speak.

That morning she is curled up on her side. Her face is completely blank, but I know she is watching me. I haven't let myself think about _us_ lately. There is nothing to talk about. Katniss loves me and I love her. Right now we need to mend, but we can do it together. I once promised her that I would forget everything with her. I never thought it would be this hard, but if she says the word I will do it.

I tell her I love her and she gives me a soft kiss that lets me know she feels the same way. It feels too much like a goodbye, but she doesn't say anything.

We are interrupted by what I think is a mirage. In full Capitol garb stands a solemn Effie Trinket. To my surprise Katniss returns the hug that she offers to each of us. "Let's go you two. It is another big, big day," she says without her usual enthusiasm.

After careful application of makeup to make us seem somewhat intact, we are dispatched to a special meeting. Beetee, Annie, Enorbia, Johanna, Haymitch, Katniss, and I are escorted into an empty conference room. The presense of the remaining victors makes me really uneasy. Katniss picks up on it too. She clasps my hand, while speaking softly to Annie, who now has a small bump on her belly.

The atmosphere gets more intense when Coin enters the room. She seems utterly giddy with power as she takes her usual seat at the head of the table. "I don't have much time so I'm going to be very blunt. The Districts are demanding retribution for the deaths of their children throughout the years. To satisfy their anger we are proposing to hold one final Hunger Games. Children from Capital politicians will be made to compete against one another."

My mind refuses to interpret the words Coin has just uttered. A steady hum fills my ears as she announces that we, the remaining victors, will make the final decision. I look down at my fellow survivors. Johanna's eyes are filled with anger as she takes in Annie's protruding belly. Enorbia seems completely indifferent to the situation. Beetee is staring at Coin completely dumbfounded. He meets my eyes. They hold mine for a second before falling to the cane I hold in my hand, then up again_._ Haymitch has a devilish grin on his face, while Annie begins to cry quietly. It is Katniss' face that I linger on the longest. Her eyes are mixture of disgust and anger. One of her hands is tightly wrapped around Annie's shoulder, while the other is digging into my own. She looks to Haymitch who is seated a further down the table, then to me. Her look is one of determination, one that I've seen countless times before.

It causes a cold chill to run down my spine. I see her plan unfold before me. Katniss is going to kill Coin. As I did many moons ago when we stood on separate launch pads, I shake my head. Katniss cannot go through with this. I've already committed myself to ending Coin's life. If Katniss foils my plan and does it herself, the Rebels _will_ kill her. They all think she is still a mutt, so why would they bother trying to rehabilitate her?

Her eyes are still focused on mine, sending wave after wave of emotion my way. Our trance is broken by Coin who initiates the vote. I don't have to listen in to know what everyone is going to say. Beetee, Annie, and I are the only ones to vote no. Katniss is the final vote and in a strategic manner she looks to Haymitch then votes for the Games.

The room is a buzz as everyone is dismissed. Using my grip on Katniss' hand, I pull her into a linen closet before we enter the balcony room.

"Peeta, what are you doing?" she hisses. Guards are already standing outside the door, but I brace my back against it.

"Listen, we don't have much time. I'll take care of Coin. Okay?" My voice comes out in a desperate whisper. "You kill Snow, I've got her."

"Why?" she snaps back.

"Please Katniss," I groan. "Don't argue with me this time. Trust me."

The door bursts open before I can see or hear a response. I just have to hope that Katniss has enough faith in me. The guards take us from the linen closet to the balcony, where Coin stands behind the protection of Gale. He gives me a curt nod. This isn't unfamiliar of Gale, but today it has a different meaning. It tells me everything is according to plan.

I'm about to take my place behind him, when Katniss tugs on my arm. "I do, you know."

I give her a wet smirk. "Together?"

"Together," she replies.

I watch her take her position facing Snow. My heart is beating a million miles per minute. A drum-roll counts down to Snow's death. I don't look at the devil of a man. My eyes are focused on the back of Coin's head, while my hands are gripping my metal cane with all of their force.

This cane was especially designed my Beetee himself. For all intensive purposes it was an average tool with the exception of a small addition made a week ago. Beetee decided to add a decorative stone on top, obsidian, he called it. Engraved into the large rock was the Mockingjay symbol. I stared at the beautiful bird as the drum came to a sudden halt. I hear the gentle spring from Katniss' bow, but I don't look up. Gale moves aside at the final beat. I swing my cane into the back of Coin's skull. Her blood sprays through the air, and her body lands lifelessly on the ground.

In milliseconds hell breaks loose.

**I hope this chapter satisfied all the Everlark needs. I really don't think Peeta and Katniss would be really concerned with their relationship at the moment. I think they would be more focused on recovery, which is why this chapter lacks a certain spark. I did figure that Peeta would have stood by her, even if they didn't talk. I'll post the next chapter sometime next week. Then the final hopefully before I leave for San Diego. **

**Please, please, PLEASE, read and review. I have a super cute idea for my next story, but I can't tell you how much you guys drive me with your support.**

**Thanks, **

** _cecilia**


	17. Happy Ending

**Peeta's POV**

Gale had given me the Nightlock the night before. We had hidden it safely in a pouch tucked into my jacket's shoulder. The crowd watching from beneath the balcony is confused. One moment they were watching Snow's neck pierced by an arrow. The next they were hearing the gurgled cry of Coin's final breath.

I calculate I have moments before I can tear into the dissolvable pouch holding the Nightlock before the guards would kill me. I try to find Katniss is the crowd, but instead find myself face to face with guards. I wanted her face to be the last thing I would see, but there is no time. Closing my eyes I say one last goodbye before reaching down.

Abruptly, I'm slapped in the face by a thin frail hand. I look up to find Katniss' Seam gray eyes looking into mine. "No, you don't get to do that! You have to stay with me. Always remember?" She yanks the pill from my garments and tosses it to the ground. Just as she does this, two guards tackle us to the floor.

"Let go Katniss! Find Gale!" I yell. I don't know if it is because of the guards holding us down, but Katniss doesn't move. Armed soldiers are everywhere and despite Katniss' best efforts we are pulled apart.

"No! You are all I have left! Do you hear me?" she sputters through angry tears. Gale comes up behind her and starts to drag her away. "You have to come back to me Peeta Mellark!"

There is no getting out of this now. The last thing I see is Katniss fighting against Gale's chest before I'm knocked out.

When I wake, I'm in my room back at the training center. The sheets are stripped from the bed and all that is left in the room is a mattress.

There is nothing to end my miserable life with.

I feel like panicking. I want to yell at the top of my lungs, but I don't. The only thought that gives me reprieve is that Katniss is safe. Katniss, the girl who in my last moments of freedom begged me to stay with her. She must be mad if she thinks there is any escaping this. At least she will have Gale.

I look down and find that my skin grafts have opened up. Blood lines the area that had been a light pink the week before. I don't bother asking for medicine, they don't need me polished and shiny for an execution.

I drift off into a restless sleep only to be woken up by a sound at the door. It's the sound of soft, limber footsteps, those of a hunter.

I make my way to the door and press my ears against the cool metal. "Katniss?" I ask awkwardly. _Why would they let her come see me? She should be long gone by now._

In a barely audible whisper, I hear her speak. "Peeta? I couldn't leave you."

Her voice is coming from the millimeter of space between the door and the floor. Careful not to open any more surtures, I lay on the floor and face the small space. I can barely see a sliver of dark brown hair.

"Katniss, you shouldn't be here. Gale was supposed to take you away from here," I say, but part of me is glad she stayed behind.

"You used to watch me through the window of the observation room, real or not real?" she whispers.

Those days seem like so long ago. "Real."

I hear her exhale in relief. "Then I am staying here with you. You are my family Peeta," she sniffs.

I feel the tears prickle behind my eyes, but I don't want to cry now. I need to hold it together. Katniss senses this and backs off until I get control of my emotions. "You have Gale, Annie, and Johanna. Haymitch will take care of you. I'm going to die here at the Capitol."

"Stop saying that!" she snaps. "It's not going to work. I am stubborn, I will stay with you. The more you push me away, the more I will want to stay."

I laugh, but I know she's right. There is no changing Katniss' mind. "Okay," I reply softly. "Do you have any questions for me to answer?"

"Yes," she squeaks. I can tell she is still crying, but for the most part the tears have subsided. "Haymitch hit you during the train ride to our first games, real or not real?"

I can't help but smile at the memory. "Real."

"What did you do?" asks Katniss curiously.

"I hit the drink out of his hand. He wasn't too happy about it, but then you threw a knife at the wall and he kind of calmed down."

Katniss lets out a half laugh. "Seems like something I would do."

"And you wonder why it took so long for me to confess my crush. I was afraid you were going to chop my balls off," I add.

This causes Katniss to giggle like a small child, and soon I am joining her. The world seems a little brighter, even if it is just for a few hours.

The hours turn into days, but Katniss doesn't leave. She is only removed from the hall when food is brought to me, along with burn cream.

Apart from that Katniss eats and sleeps in the hallway. We answer question after question, and surprisingly never run out of things to talk about. Some of the questions are easy, but others are hard. So hard, that it takes an hour of silent tears before we can continue.

Katniss manages to squeeze her pinky underneath the door frame and I hold onto it for dear life. We both apologize about things we meant to do, or things we shouldn't have done. This is easy for me, but Katniss takes it much more to heart.

On the third day, she breaks down and apologizes for bouncing between me and Gale before the Quell. "I feel like I was so lost," she says, "I felt like I should give Gale the chance, after all he had been there the whole time. But you, you were just so welcoming and loving. I never had to worry about what to say around you. It scared me. Only a year before, I had been sitting in the forest knowing I would never fall in love. You were never in my plan. Gale was, but only as a friend."

She turns into a blubbering girl after spewing out her confession, but I comfort her as best as I can. I tell her I'm the one that should be forgiven. I expected her to feel the same way about me, even though I had been developing my love for her for years.

I never tell Katniss about Gale's bombs, but one day she brings it up. "Gale confessed about the parachutes," she blurts out. "I know it was him who made them."

I don't know how to respond so I stay quiet.

"I don't think I can be mad at him, but I'm not happy either. I told him we need to go our support ways for a while." Her voice isn't angry. It is shocked more than anything.

I haven't put much thought into Gale., much less their friendship. Katniss ultimately calls the shots. For now I will let her be.

A week later, the door unlocks and Katniss rushes to me. She embraces me like she never has before, and I take a few moments to breath in her scent and touch her face. Haymitch is with her too, but he leaves us be.

"Okay Peeta, that's enough for now," he snorts after a few minutes.

"Did you want me to hug you too," I retort.

"You come near me like that and I'll kill you," he laughs. "The court has deemed you innocent. You are free to go, as long as you promise not to leave District 12."

Katniss squeezes my hand, but I can't react. All of these days I thought I was just a lamb for the slaughter, but now I'm free. I look at Haymitch, trying to figure out if this is some sick joke, but he doesn't budge.

"He agrees to the terms," says Katniss boldly.

**Katniss' POV: Epilogue**

Peeta and I end up going back to District 12. Dr. Aurelius tells us the process is going to be hard and grueling, but we will heal.

Hard and grueling are very understated descriptions. Some days I wake up with a horrible headache and a thirst for Peeta's blood. Other days we both are so depressed we don't want to leave the bedroom.

Peeta asks me if I want to forget everything. I tell him I don't want to yet. I want to hold it all near me. That includes the pain. So we do. We make a book of all of those whom we have lost. We even write pages on the district that we once called home.

The bad days become few and far between. Soon they are minor disruptions to a relatively 'normal' life. At first order and routines are key, but eventually they disappear. Life is too beautiful to plan. We plant primroses. Peeta bakes. I hunt. Somewhere along the way we became more than friends or allies.

Peeta's love consumes me and I return it as best as I can, which is good enough for him. One beautiful Autumn morning I grab a loaf, from the new bakery Peeta opened in town, and I drag him back to the house. He doesn't notice what I'm doing until I stoke the flames to life and hand him a slice.

"Are you sure?" he asks with silent desperation seeping through his every pore.

"I wouldn't have done it if I wasn't. Now shut up and toast the bread," I respond with tears of my own.

Those three words he said so much are now part of my vocabulary as well. In fact, Haymitch says they are over used.

I doubt they ever will be.


End file.
